dowry, and what it involves

[khawateen]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

What is dowry?

Is it the forced thongs the in laws ask prior to the marriage

Or is it the gifts the parents of the girl give to their daughter , as they wish, with no demands from the in laws

?

To me dowry is the demand from the in laws prior to the marriage… We ned this and that and the other

And this im strongly against. Apna ghar set kerlo, THEN come ask my hand for marriage ..lakeer ke f akeer

[Sweetmoi]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

For me its what you explained above. But I know for a lot of people gifts from parents is also dowry

[Contrarian]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

You know what, sometimes parents feel compelled to give something simply because they dont want their daughters to complain later in life that parents didnt do enough for them. Very few girls vehemently take a stand against receiving a wedding gift from the parents generally from the fear that lack of "gifts" might impact their marital bliss. And more often than not, these girls make zero contribution to the household in monetary sense. Post marriage, there are expectations again on each birth, Eid, etc. No wonder our people are less than delighted when a daughter is born.

[partyslims]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

I will ask for lots of chili chips for my dowry

[Contrarian]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

I thought you had a thing for pakorays?

[partyslims]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

@Contrarian

I thought you had a thing for pakorays?

Yeah, but chili chips are the bestest.

[Contrarian]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

Alright, everybody please keep an eye out for a girl who has a chilly chip factory owner as a daddy.

[Muzna]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

@Contrarian

You know what, sometimes parents feel compelled to give something simply because they dont want their daughters to complain later in life that parents didnt do enough for them. Very few girls vehemently take a stand against receiving a wedding gift from the parents generally from the fear that lack of "gifts" might impact their marital bliss. And more often than not, these girls make zero contribution to the household in monetary sense. Post marriage, there are expectations again on each birth, Eid, etc. No wonder our people are less than delighted when a daughter is born.

I have heard of only one girl like this.......and am still floored that although she lives in Canada and has a well-paying job of her own she still has expectations that her parents should "gift" her things on every little occasion. Tauba hai!

[Reha]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

@Estel

It’s not just when some one ask for it.
Now it’s an understood thing in our society that the new bride at least will bring furniture of her room.plus tv fridge etc.
i have seem many times when boy side says we don’t want anything still when u go and see bride and grooms rooms their nothing there and they say

Yea tu dulhan ka kamra hai yeah tu uss ka saman ayey ga.

I also blame girls parents too if boys said that they don’t want anything they should ask them so when will u get something in her room. But I don’t why the whole shadi process makes girl parent a bit afraid that nothing should go wrong and no one mind anything

I think I’d be the one saying “awww…dulhan ki pasand ka saman dalengey is kamre mein aap log? kitni achi baat hai!”

@Eastern_Dresses

I am not sure about the term used in Islam, but giving gifts to a daughter on her wedding is allowed. The only condition is that it should be as per the financial status of the girls’ parents and not as per anyone’s demands. Whatever gift(s) parents want to give to their daughters at the time of marriage is not forbidden. I don’t have references immediately but will be happy to share later. I researched about it during school days.

As for the actual question where the thread was initiated, it depends on the family you go to and the inlaws. There is no formula what will work best. General concept is that if inlaws insist on sharing the stuff you get from your parents and you don’t, they’ll make you suffer emotionally by taunting and commenting stuff like you don’t want to be a part of their family etc.

yup

@Decent_6Chora

Dowry itself is not bad. Its a (or it should be a) gift parents willingly giving to their daughter without any demands, without any financial squeezing but its the practice of asking-for-it that is wrong.

If parents have money and they want to give it to their daughter, there is nothing wrong in it but problem is with the people who ask for it or with the people who try to match the jahaiz they see other people giving to their daughter. Its pitty that they never think about girl’s education with that intensity and do everything to match their daughter’s education with other’s.

Jahaiz lanat nahi hai, jahanz mangney waley lantee hain

Exactly. If you come across people who are looking for jahaiz…its best to not marry into them. If parents give their children gifts, its fine. But if your inlaws are demanding them so they can take your daughter - then you know they’re not nice people and its just going to get worse from that point forward. Why get involved?

But I do think that even gifts should not be extravagant. That’s just me.

[Ahmed_Fayyaz]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

Dowry is a social evil.Its a hindu custom.Its is common in pak watan but not as much as it is in india, specially hyderabadi and kerala community.I know a kerala buisnessman who apart from dowry gave a latest model smart phone to every barati as a gift just to stay in good books of his daughter s in- laws and to get another so called good rishta for her other daughter.Aur tu aur, my indian driver jiss ko I pay around 500$ monthly once offerd to invest in my buisness, since he got 100k $ in dowry in additon to 3 kg gold and a rented property worth of 3 million indian ruppees.

[crown]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

@Ahmed_Fayyaz

Dowry is a social evil.Its a hindu custom.Its is common in pak watan but not as much as it is in india, specially hyderabadi and kerala community.I know a kerala buisnessman who **apart from dowry gave a latest model smart phone to every barati as a gift **just to stay in good books of his daughter s in- laws and to get another so called good rishta for her other daughter.Aur tu aur, my indian driver jiss ko I pay around 500$ monthly once offerd to invest in my buisness, since he got 100k $ in dowry in additon to 3 kg gold and a rented property worth of 3 million indian ruppees.

This is when they clearly show they have SOLD their daughter...shame on them and those who expect it....

People with sons who demand dowry can start their own business (disgusting)

[Ahmed_Fayyaz]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

^ Its every where in one or another, sub ahsay hee hai, somewhere its jahaz and some wheer its modified form of haq mehr, kahin passport chalta hai, kahin paisa, kahin car , kahin cycle.In saudi, its opposite, groom pay cash to bride s dad, or in simple soday bazi, larki jitne khooobsurat price waisee high, if divorced or 25+ then kuch b day do!!
AHHH......rubb hee janay koun bashar hai.

[bebo]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

My take on giving gift to daughter is that if bride and groom is pocketing all the expenses of the wedding then its ok for parents to give gift of any amount. It can be a pot and pan set, money, a car, a house or jewelry set. But if parents are arranging all the wedding and bearing all the expenses then giving gifts on top of it is overdoing. Also daughters need to show a little self respect and don’t plan to mooch off of her parents for rest of her life.

[crown]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

^ Its every where in one or another, sub ahsay hee hai, somewhere its jahaz and some wheer its modified form of haq mehr, kahin passport chalta hai, kahin paisa, kahin car , kahin cycle.In saudi, its opposite, groom pay cash to bride s dad, or in simple soday bazi, larki jitne khooobsurat price waisee high, if divorced or 25+ then kuch b day do!! AHHH......rubb hee janay koun bashar hai.

You've mentioned haq-maher isnt that whats given to the girl by the boys side for her future? so that can't realy be counted as dowry

[gupper.shupper]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

I know families that are against it, including mine but people give dowries any way so the girl is not mistreated. I think that is just jahalat, if the family is decent then they won't mistreat the girl no matter what ; If not, then no matter how much you give them, they will mistreat her. Even if you tell the other family explicitly you don't want anything, they will give at least furniture, kitchen stuff and gold jewellery even if they have to borrow money for it.

[gupper.shupper]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

If you are willing to marry into a family that asks for dowry then you cannot be upset when you're mistreated. Aaj jahaiz manga hai...kal aur bhi mangne kharay hojayengay.

If we get a rishta where it seems the family is interested in dowry, we refuse. Do a girl's parents ask for anything when they give their daughter away? So what makes a guy's family feel they are in a position to ask?

What I don't understand is how its done...I'd like to see it happening with my very own eyes to believe it because I've never witnessed capable people begging for things like that.

"Dekhiye humara beta...iske daant bilkul sahi hein aur aaj tak ek bhi haddi nahin tooti hai...agar ek BMW miljaye to sari mehnat vasool hojayegi"

enter beta flashing his batteesi

My mom gets characters like that on the phone from time to time but I am dying to meet one...just one. :ASA:

The most overused line by such bhikaris - Jo bhi dengi apni beti ko dengi *or if it is money - *​aap ki beti ke hi kaam aaye ga

[Ahmed_Fayyaz]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

The most overused line by such bhikaris - Jo bhi dengi apni beti ko dengi *or if it is money - *​aap ki beti ke hi kaam aaye ga

Well, they donot use these lines, they actually mean it, because I know a family who refused to take dowry for there elder son but used same lines for there younger son, becasue when there elder son got married, they strictly said NO to any thing from larki walay but as time passed they started to get tanhay/baatain(tantarums) from larki herself and her family....KIS NA KAHA THA JAHZ MUTT LO....HUM NAY YE DEHNA THA WOH DEHNA THA, HUM TU ZERO METER GHARI B DEHNAY KO TIYAR THAY...APP LOUG NAY HEE MANA KIYA THA.

AND I HAVE HEARD IT MYSELF FROM DULHAN G COMPALINING, INN LOUG K GHAR MAH CHOTA TV HAI, MERAY ABBU 40 INCH LCD DEHNA CHATAY!!

[Ahmed_Fayyaz]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

You've mentioned haq-maher isnt that whats given to the girl by the boys side for her future? so that can't realy be counted as dowry

True but you never get what I meant.

[gheli]

Re: dowry, and what it involves

I know many girls who r not getting rishtas becz their parents r unable to afford jahaizz!!!
not only that!!! the rishtay wali aunty also charging lac rupee....but basically these families have some ajeeb kind of laws..
shadi khandan may he honi chahyeh....jo kuch b woh mangay gay hum day gay but beti khandan say bahar na jaye!

im living in karachi....n i know many communites who have system of these jahaz kay puri list detay hain kya kia hona chahyeh...! well this is sad...but true..!!