Most of the time people have double policies for their kids like for elder brother(very strict) and for younger brother(convenient). Here in my relatives for elder daughter-in-law they have restrictions to this and not to do this and the elder son is strictly bound on it because he wants his parents make happy on the other side when the younger son is going to be married he has no such types of restriction, and the younger son has different thinking rather than this what his brother did. Younger son wants to make his life easy, happy and apply all of his wishes and the rest of the family is happy with this situation. Only problems occur with elder son not with younger son I think this is unjustice among all people of the family. Rules are cleared and evenly applied on rest of the family not for a particular person. The elder son did all efforts to make an example of himself for younger brothers but they make their mode of life didn’t want to follow what the elder brother did. The elder daughter-in-law did what his in-laws want but there is no restriction or problems for the little ones.
What do you think about this double policy from olders.
I dn't believe that this double standard is rooted in Islam. I could be wrong though, but on the chance I'm not, then I think these rules are stupid and need to be done away with....some traditions u gotta break away from..
It's all happening because of the elder son who wants
to make his parents happy like u said. Where as the younger one
wants to live a free life or whatever. He himself does not believe in
following stupid rules that don't need to be followed therefore his wife
is not restricted either.
U know in our society specially, if a person let other ppl walk over him/her
people will continue doing so. I have seen that a lot of times in our desi families.
Marriage is between you and her and how you both feel happy with each other. Where is this parent thing coming from. They are already married, done with taking care of you and now should let you choose what makes you happy. If the younger son doesnt want to follow it, why is the older one so keen to set an example. I am not the youngest in the family but i dont think the young ones really look forward to their elder siblings at this stage of life.
This happens in most families. The elder bro or sis have strict rules enforced on them and the younger ones get much less pressure. Not much you can do about it unfortunately.
i think parents stop caring when the younger kids were born. they want the oldest to be perfect. my mom is the sixth kid out of seven and when she was born her neighbors named her because her parents didnt really care.
I can see the piont in this discussion but dont necessarily agree.....
I suppose it is unfair that the elder is brought up with more restrictions and more of a sense of loyalty to the family, however this elder one is the one that hold the family together when the parents are'nt there anymore or when they become too old or decrepid. If we didnt do this..... and many more second third generation people are not.
what will happen to our family structure?
take a look around you, how many of your(non asian) freinds have close relationships with their cousins...do they even know them.
do they keep in touch with their aunts and uncles...do they only see their families at weddings and funerals?
This is NOT a sweeping statement, its not true for certain parts of of teh country but as time goes on the family breaks up.
I agree its unfair but at the end of the day, its the elder one that inevitably gets the younger one out of trouble.
All of you are right but the main problem here was the elder brother wanted his wife to be merged in the family by following the rules and regulations made by his mom (his sister did what ever they wanted like followed their wishes) eg cook like them and manage like them etc......any way the golden period of his marriage was ruined by these rules :( .
It's noone else's but the older brothers fault!!!!!
If he wants to make the parents happy he should by all means
but forcing his wife into this ............
again that is something that happens in a lot of desi families.