Hey everyone, i need some advice, i cant talk to my family at this time about this. Here is the situation and i would really appreciate if you guys tell me what you think.
I am going to get engaged in a couple of months to a guy whos in another state, its by our choice we are getting engaged. his family has never met my family & vice versa, all conversations have taken place over phone but we have been friends for over 4 yrs, the thing is with the engagement coming up i should be feeling happy but its an anxious feeling. my family is different from his, he is a great guy with a lot of potential but his family is very different from mine…we are starting to have arguments every time we talk on the phone, its over things like i want him to send pics of his entire family to mine so others can see, plus i ask questions like his family entire last name, where they are from (this info isnt for me but its for family members who ask…) he gets extremely mad and says that he hates the whole system where its the utmost importance of where the family is from…
my family has told my extended family & friends that there will be an engagement in a few months…should i still go ahead with it or not?
Re: Double minded
I think the families need to meet face to face, the parents can then take care of everything on their own. Whatever they need to discuss or investigate about each other's families can happen then and you two don't even have to be a part of it. Have a talk with your dad or mom and ask them to call and invite the guy's family over. I don't think an engagement should be done without even two families atleast meeting each other once. You don't want your family or his to be in for any kind of surprises later.
Re: Double minded
yes you are double minded.
You picked up a guy like it was just tow of you in whole world. Fair enough.
All of a sudden you want you whole family yo to know his whole family??
Either you do it it western way like you started OR you do it traditional way like you acting now.
Why you girls alway to switch as you its convenient for you?
Re: Double minded
hmm... it is very very imp for both the families to meet in person before making such a big decision. when he is not telling the last names even....... then it is better you meet them. its better to call off engagement... then have a worse marriage life and god forbid ending in a divorce. so do ur tasali first. plus pray a lot!!
best of luck!!
Re: Double minded
i cant stress the fact enuff that the 2 families HAVE TO MEET... you have to be at comfort with those differences that are between ure and his family... do not rush into anything! and its absolutely right... you and your family have every right to ask bout their ancestors, family upbringing.. schooling.. and anything that is important to you guys... some families dont give a damn bout these things but what i have learned from my own experience is, these families dont exactly have standards for anything... so ya... find out everything bout htem and then make an informed decision :)
Re: Double minded
You don't know his last name and where his family is from?
Re: Double minded
Getting engaged to a guy you dont know the last name of and where his family belongs??? I mean............. I dont know....
Re: Double minded
and aren't they being really stubborn abt setting only one date (from ur other thread)? i say run the other way......
Re: Double minded
If he refuses to let the family's meet and tell you his last name RUN away.
Unless you know, he's a covert prince or something :P
Re: Double minded
If he not non Muslim, then what difference it makes what his last name is ? Then what kind of differences are there between your and his family ? If these differences do not matter to you and him then why are they big deal now ?
When you get engaged your and his family will get to know each other. It is engagement not a nikah so if at the end of the day if you two discover something about each other which will show gross incompatibility between two of you , you can break the engagement and go your separate ways.
Re: Double minded
ager abhy se masley hain tu, avoid it
married life dosent just work with love
love gets over after few months or years
if u want to know some one live with him for few days and u ll know
i had a friend, really good friend
then we moved in together
after few weeks i was die ing to stay away
P.S is there one girl on GS who is not committed so i could hit on her
sub ki setting hoi pury hai kahen na kaheen 
Hey everyone, i need some advice, i cant talk to my family at this time about this. Here is the situation and i would really appreciate if you guys tell me what you think. I am going to get engaged in a couple of months to a guy whos in another state, its by our choice we are getting engaged. his family has never met my family & vice versa, all conversations have taken place over phone but we have been friends for over 4 yrs, the thing is with the engagement coming up i should be feeling happy but its an anxious feeling. my family is different from his, he is a great guy with a lot of potential but his family is very different from mine....we are starting to have arguments every time we talk on the phone, its over things like i want him to send pics of his entire family to mine so others can see, plus i ask questions like his family entire last name, where they are from (this info isnt for me but its for family members who ask...) he gets extremely mad and says that he hates the whole system where its the utmost importance of where the family is from.... my family has told my extended family & friends that there will be an engagement in a few months....should i still go ahead with it or not?
Do what YOU feel is best for you. In a marriage both parties need to compromise, but that does not mean you giving in to all of his views. Make sure he understands that.
Re: Double minded
Way too many red flags.
hey both families gota meet face to face before the engagement unless they hiding some at.
Re: Double minded
of course the families must meet before the engagemnet!
and you should have really got to know the guy before even considereing marriage, i mean you dont even know his surname?
what do you kno about him?
Hey everyone, i need some advice, i cant talk to my family at this time about this. Here is the situation and i would really appreciate if you guys tell me what you think. I am going to get engaged in a couple of months to a guy whos in another state, its by our choice we are getting engaged. his family has never met my family & vice versa, all conversations have taken place over phone but we have been friends for over 4 yrs, the thing is with the engagement coming up i should be feeling happy but its an anxious feeling. my family is different from his, he is a great guy with a lot of potential but his family is very different from mine....we are starting to have arguments every time we talk on the phone, its over things like i want him to send pics of his entire family to mine so others can see, plus i ask questions like his family entire last name, where they are from (this info isnt for me but its for family members who ask...) he gets extremely mad and says that he hates the whole system where its the utmost importance of where the family is from.... my family has told my extended family & friends that there will be an engagement in a few months....should i still go ahead with it or not?
You've been friends with a guy for over 4 yrs - have u ever met him urself? I know living in a different state might not be that hard but have u sat down with him face to face? had coffee together? talked to him about his family? isnt that what people do when theyre getting to know each other -
Usually from what I've heard and what Ive seen when a proposal comes forth is that both families meet each other - they exchange pictures - talk over the phone and get to know each other better so that they can check the backgrounds and make sure that their children will be well taken care of - but it truly seems like ur soon to be fiance is actually not willing to take on anything of this sort - his family name matters it matters ALOT!! its not about the system, its about making sure that ur daughter is going into a family that will make her their pride and joy, give her their family name and welcome her into their family as their own daughter - its a good thing these little occurances are coming forth now rather than later on when u cant do anything about it other than sit and cry - since its ur choice and ur family is willing to give it a shot make sure u think twice - u will meet people in this world that are so different than from what they might show u that ull be stunned.. in the end if ur soon to be fiance cant give u or ur family the respect that u deserve as a future wife/ future in-laws, he might not ever be able to give u anything that u might need to feel protected and secure.. in the end its ur life and may Allah give u the strength to get thru every hardship and bring mcuh joy ur way.. goodluck