Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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**:sigh: Maybe I’m over reacting again, but when you’ve the butt of jokes for all yourl ife, it gets to you. So anyway, I’m all happy go lucky about my wedding and then my mom and aunt have to go ruin it. First they say, “Oh on the mehndi day, she’s gonna take the entire tray of methai and eat it all by herself” and stuff like that. Ok, I get once it’s funny, haha I’m laughing. **

**But then yesterday, my mom just added onto that (WHILE TALKING TO MY SOON TO BE SISTER IN LAW!!!) and said stuff like, “Oh she’s gonna take the methai and eat it, she’s gonna yell at her brothers and sisters and she’s gonna be like don’t do that, don’t do that, and then she’s gonna take her laptop out on the stage and start loading the pictures right there…” and on top of that, my nano comes in with her input! **

**“Oh, she’s gonna care more about her laptop bag which is gonna be right next to her on stage more than she cares about her lehnga…” All the while, my SIL and her husband are listening. **

**What they don’t get, is that I have no where else to go except my computer. I mean, since I was 12, I was banned from going anywhere with friends. **

“Can I go to the movies?”, “No, we are Muslim, we don’t do stuff like that, it’s not our mohool.” “But they’re all girls!” “No.”

**Whenever I wanted to go to a friends house, I had to bring my younger sister so my mom could have a spy. I’m 20, and I can’t drive anywhere, cause look! Hello, I don’t have my license and my dad drives me to college and I take a shuttle home! Seriously, what else do I have left? I mean, I can’t even choose my own lehnga, color, kaam everything, I won’t be able to choose where I get my makeup, no choosing the cards and stuff, no decorations, nothing. **

Why the hell does she have to take something that should be such a happy time for me, and turn it into something I am dreading? It’s not enough that I was scared enough about messing up anyway, now I really don’t want to have to deal with this crap…

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Re: Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

My darling, I feel for you.

Sometimes parents just feel to protect us, you've grown up but to them you will always be their little girl. They in their minds eyes have felt that they needed to protect, nuture and look after you till you are married. Perhaps it can feel suffocating, but it has been well meant.

They're just teasing you, and deep down you know this too, you are very precious to them.

If these things are really upsetting to you, perhaps you should sit down and speak to your mum, perhaps, 'Mum, I love you and all of the family very much, its almost time for the biggest day of my life, I want to make the last few days weeks (or however long you have left with them) till I am married a joint effort for the run up to the wedding. So we both have memories of how we did things'

You're heading off to the next stage of your life, this to them is the very last thing they can do for their perfect precious daughter. So they can feel that have always done the right thing by you.

Its just wedding nerves maybe....

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Re: Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

its all the wedding stress, i know family tends to do random things that annoy all of us brides...but you just have to take it as it comes...i agree with dotty, maybe talking will help..tell your mom that you want to do certain things and I'm sure she will understand..just give it a try and enjoy yourself, this time wont come back and you should really make the best of it!! smile!

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Re: Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

hey sweetheart.. I feel for you.. because I am in a similar situation and I am 28 yrs old...I am not the butt of any joke.. but yeah.. I can't make any decisions ( eventhough I am an independent lady staying in US for last 8 yrs)... my parents didn't expect me to find a guy for myself and when I did.. they pointed faults.. and but never did any searches for me...

When i was young.. we were allowed to go out but in a big group that too probably went cpl times only... we had restrictions not as much as yours... but i never had a strong friend group because of all the protection ...

parents forget that we grow up and need some respect and to be treated like independent people... i never even realized it that i was soo dependent on them till i met my fiance.. and when i started suggesting things.. they didn't like me suggesting my own mind...

so yes, during these times.. it peaks... because they feel they are doing the right thing... and if we tell them they are wrong... they ignore saying they know more about the world...

but recently some other lady posted and said... don't let them ruin your day.. and i would say the same.. don't let them ruin it for you... next time they make a joke of you... give back a stern answer and they won't repeat it.. sometimes talks don't work.. sometimes a reaction works...

not trying to make you go against your parents.. but parents won't realize till you give a reaction. Talks do no good... believe me... I tried.

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Re: Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

My family doesn't do the love/showing emotions thing. If I'm mad for any reason or anything, my mom's all like "Tera kya problem hai? Mu sahi kar." Like I get that my dad is gona miss me, cause he hates talking about the wedding, and he keeps thinking I'm gonna come back after the wedding....but my mom? She has never admitted she's wrong in anything, she always tries to make me feel ,and she used to succeed too, but now allah ka shukar hai ke I have my fiance cause he knows what my mom does and he keeps me calm. I just don't know, I feel like she just doesn't respect me or my desicions, and she still tries to control me. Talking won't even help, cause I've tried talking to them before about a bunch of other things, like how they don't put as any restrictions on my siblings as they do me, but then they're like, "We are the parents, we know better." Most of the time, I try not to let them ruin my day, but when it's stuff like this, that I know she'll say again, I just wanna roll into a ball and cry. And my dad doesn't even stop her half the time.

Dotty, I get that it's teasing and evrything, but it's like parents don't see a line where the teasing should end and it becomes hurtful. I don't get why desi parents just don't care if they hurt their kids. It just causes so much resentment.

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Re: Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

@the part wer u said u get driven to college: Im in final year, i have a car, somtimes wen im really really late i drive, but most days i get a lift from my mom or dad :p haha plus i save loads on parking money...

back to ur other point......i can understand to some extent how u feel abt how ur mom teases u and stuff hell my mom does sumtimes, she says all sorts....i know sumtimes it can tick u off...but at the end of the day shez ur mom, and well u gota keep some sabar inside u...if its sumthing silly like u mentioned above take it in one ear and out the other...mayb ur reaction is what makes her do it more.....if u jst like have a wotever attitude she mite tone it down a bit...im only saying that for the silly messing about stuff not in general...for other stuff i think defo listen to ur mum, even if she is making decisions for u etc etc...jst go with the flow and soon wen ur married and with ur hubby u'll have a totally different outlook on life and think...Gosh i really miss my mum :)

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Re: Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

awwww well inshAllah i hope everything goes well for you. Try not to let these things get to you... try to laugh them off. I am the same way i'm the youngest and sometimes I get teased a lot. But im sure your family is just as stressed as you are, and they are probably making all the wedding decisions because they want the best of the best for you, the want to take the wedding stress off of you, and they want to be included in your special day. Try to laugh with them.

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Re: Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

ignore ignore ignore

Focus on the good things in your life and try not to let them bother you. Find the good and make do with that. You have a lifetime of freedom and joy ahead of you with your husband...he sounds like he is on your side.

One more thing. Regardless of how they treat you...they are your parents. I realize they may be hurtful sometimes but its never to really intentionally hurt you. And you know that. This time you have right now...will never come back...ever. So, try to work on your relationship with your parents and improve it during this time...:)

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I bet u a hundred euros that is gonna change after u get married :)

You will be incharge of ur own life, ur own decisions once ur married. (yes, ur hubby will have a role to play but ur mom will not be as controlling as she may be right now).

Hope everything goes well for u! Congrats!!

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Re: Don't want any wedding functions anymore.....

ria, trust me..as bad as it may sound right now, but later your going to miss these little things no matter how bad they make u feel now...my parents r like that with me all the time i wasnt allowed to do ANYTHING till i got engaged..probly cuz they thought i was gonna run off with some guy? lol idk but now i guess they trust me more but i still have many restrictions...MANY..but dont take these things to heart i know it hurts but just look at it this way, u have only a little while left with them and their gonna realize later...and they have these restrictions on u cuz they care for u but congrats!

n remember everything happens for a reason and its always for the better :)