no problem. But I really like your view and I feel that what you said was well done. You look at the overall picture of what society is like today. Most people either have a conservative or liberal view on this situation. For me I also look at my izath because a daughters izath is her parents izath. I think to myself what would other people say if they saw me alone with a guy?? I mean tons of desi’s in any community go around judging people enough these days why do your own bezathi? But then again that is just what i think…
By the way I am not saying that you shouldn’t get to know the one you are going to marry. Their are just different ways of doing that. And if you want to know how your partner acts, talks, walks, etc. You can do that by other ways rather than dating.
By the way I just want to add no offense to those who do go out or date. This thread is not bashing any of those people. I just want to know your views and what urges people to accept dating. And sorry if I affended any of you.
First, congrats on getting engaged. Bari mubarak ho
But i think u really have the definition of “date” wrong…and yeah ur rite love marriages fail …in fact there’s a higher divorce rate for love marriages than arranged marriages. But that doesn’t mean ur not allowed to get to know ur hubby to be before u tie the knot. Let’s say I meet someone where I go to school or work. I like him, i tell my mom, our families get involved, everything goes fine and we’re engaged. We get to know each toher even more and still talk and stuff after the engagement but don’t really go on “dates” ya kno?
Islamically, until you have a nikkah, your fiance is still a na-mehram, meaning if you meet him you must have a third person with you, like a parent or watchful sibling. And also once u have that nikkah u can do watever the heck you want. You can have sex, get pregnant, etc., and it’s not a sin, at least not in teh eyes of Allah. But most people always forget that and instead concentrate on social sins.
Pyaari83 - What do you think a date is?? It is a meeting between you and another person or persons. I have had dates in the park, in work (lunch & dinner in the other room at the spare desk), dates at a bookstore, and at a bus stop :-) (that one was interesting, spent 2 hrs talking before going to get coffee). I've also had dates with my mom to go to the opera and the theater. I guess it's your definition of date that matters.
You were very polite with your question and answer, I thought there was no need for you to apoligize. I don't believe you were offensive at all :)
Thanks. But as far as I know living in a western country dating means going out alone a guy and a girl. Could be clean could be dirty. Is desi dating different or something? Am I lost or what?
Well, i dotn think there’s a clear cut defintion…me going out with a classmate for some lunch even though i dnot’ think there’s anything between us is “hanging out” whereas you may consider it a date…
Being a "Gori" or gorah....well I think that dating is just getting to know whether you are compatible enough to spend your life together...no big deal. Minah pa has very balanced views...I DO understand the cultural differences and all that but, being a female, I could never, would never, get naked and have sex with a man I didnt know and love, whether there was just a marriage ceremony or not. That doesnt mean to imply that I am a moral angel, far from it. Thats just moi.
I wanted and needed a man in my life that I KNEW I could count on, that I knew wanted to have children with me, that would be by my side as my partner till the day I die. If you havent met, if you havent spent time alone and un-encumbered to get to know each other then good luck, its a roll of the dice. MAN...I just cant be that much of a risk taker when its the RESTA my LIFE we;re talkin' bout! So come on, beat me with a wet noodle and all that but what-the-heck...I got the best man on the planet so I cant possibly be too far from wrong.
^ I'm sure she's comfortable with her fiance. I think her gripe is a guy and a girl going out alone together prior to marriage, which is unquestionably unIslamic.
Thats exactly my point. I never said anything about getting to know a person. There are many ways of doing that without going out alone on a date. I think its good to get to know who you are marrying cuz I agree that it would be hard for me to get married if I didn’t know that person first. But its just a question of morality and whether you think its ok to go out alone or not and if you think its ok why? What makes it ok?
People who date are perhaps better judge of the person they would likely marry and also grow as person individually themself. They find out more about their own likes and dislikes, they learn about what makes them attractive to another and vice versa, they learn to build rapport over time with someone they date over a long period of time. Oh and sometimes they also have sex...which I think should be a must.. would you buy a car without testing it out?
hmmm seeing ur fiance is a date? i didnt know that... whatever u wanna call it though, i dont see any harm in it... whats wrong with spending time with the person ur gonna marry, Inshallah.. ?
in regards to seeing the person alone.. i dont think there is anything wrong with that either... i mean if the two people are mature enuff not to do anything that will tarnish their parents rep, then i dont see how thats a problem.... also how much can u learn about a person when there are 5-6 onlookers... not much.. trust me...
a "date" doesnt mean u go somewhere where not a single being is around... maybe go out for coffee or dinner.. where there are people... nothing wrong with that at all... as long as u know ur own limitations and can control ur emotions, i dont see how its a problem..
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I don't understand this. I don't know if I have old fashioned thinking but it seems as if the world has advanced so much and I am just not realizing it. My friend she seems to be religious and the "good girl" type. She told me the other day that after she got engaged her and her fiancee went out for dinner. I was like . And this too was in Pakistan.
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Not much to understand. Folks are dumping the old-fangled notions of morality and for a start actually trying to live their own life without compromising on personal happiness. Life is moving on. Evolution.
And yup you are behind times, almost peversely so.
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I personally think that our religion and culture are different for a reason.
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Not all people in Pakistan share your religion, or your lifestyle, or your thinking and lumping us all together as ardent-muslim-wannabee's is one of the most irksome and common mistake most people make.
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In the past I know that arranged marriages were a big thing and you couldn't even see the person you were marrying. At least now many people have the right to say whether they want to marry someone
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And working along the same lines, they also have the innate right to choose who they want to be with. Arranged marriage is only a single facet of the myraid ways this can be done; hence the burgeoning popularity of alternate life-styles in Pakistan. Dating is another, so is living together prior to marriage or engagement. ;)
