ok, I got married one month ago, and after that found out that my devar’s baath has been pakified with my FIL’s best friends daughter in Pakistan (we are all in Canada). My marriage is a love marriage, but my in laws have never shown me that they dont like me, and they have never said anything to me that shows they dont like me. They are very nice to me, call me every few days (my husband and I have moved to another city for his work), and generally treat me well as a DIL. My issue is with this other girl in Pakistan. Please tell me if Im reading too much into this, or if Im over reacting:
All of a sudden, right after the wedding (my wedding) this girl added all the siblings and me on facebook. I have 3 SILS, and she is all over their facebooks, commenting on every picture from the wedding (not my pictures but of my SILs and my parents-in law), and sucking up to them, and writing on their walls everyday. The reason its bothering me is because Im a complete stranger to this family, I didnt know any of them when we got engaged, and I dont have a very loud and outgoing personality. I am a very quiet person by nature, but very respectful as well. I also have a language barrier with my MIL, I am pathan and cant speak urdu very well (I can speak a little, and speak whatever I can with my MIL, but the rest is in english). So the reason its bothering me the most is because my cousin had a love marriage, and her husbands brother married their fathers best friends daughter, and the best friends daughter gets treated SO WELL, and my cousin gets treated badly. So now Im worried this is going to happen to me, especially now that this girl is sucking up to everyone, and she has that relationship already with the family. I just feel like she is already trying to push me out, and get in with everyone at my expense.
My husband keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about, and Im over reacting, but every time I open facebook and see this girl all over my in laws facebook pages, I just want to scream!!! And I dont want to be fake and start doing the same with my in laws. I just needed to vent about this girl!!!
well they already have a relationship with her so there is going to be a history which you don't have but will have to develop with them, the language barrier may hinder the relationship to some extent as parents like to converse in languages they are more comfortable with however learning urdu shouldn't be too hard you will grasp the language soon, I'm punjabi speaking and I didn't know urdu I can speak it quiet fine now just virtue of being around when my chachis were teaching it to their children... just put some good memories in their minds before the newer bahu shows up you'll be fine! :)
You are a different person and so is this other girl who is getting to you for no valid reason. Let her act the way she wants to and you just focus on what you want to do. If you also want a close relationship with your inlaws than you make an effort. It’s as simple as that. Why are you concerned if she is sucking up to them or not, how is that your area of concern?.
I dont understand why you're getting bothered over her. She has her relationship with them and you have yours. You just make sure you keep things well between you and inlaws. Always do your best with everyone around you, the fake ones will fall off eventually on their own.
becuase it causes problems. I deleted all my relatives from my fb, I felt the hate building up inside me against them so I just deleted them and now things are back to normal again.
Your action should include to learn in-laws language, use facebook wisely and comment on in-laws profile with very sweet language, dont try to spam commenting.
you are pathan and they are not. I think you are feeling some isolation and may be guilty of love marriage. I dont see problem in your post.
just get your life and speak out in best way and people will start liking you.
becuase it causes problems. I deleted all my relatives from my fb, I felt the hate building up inside me against them so I just deleted them and now things are back to normal again.
I have mine on me FB - they dont nothing wrong - lucky me i guess
so can you delete them from your life too ? no - so why not stand and face them :D
there you are. you are very well aware of all the differences between your self and that girl and obviously those are concrete unchangable facts. like she is a relative and by nature more frank and all that with your inlaws family. I dont see any reason you should bother her and her place in the family at all. that rather sounds like an injured sense of possession. Yours is a love marriage and not the family one so you have your own status. Its nice of your inlaws that they dont make you feel your not their choice and im convinced they have no reason because you must be good enough to have inspired their son already and thats it. And then you are living separately too. so whats the issue? you dont have to live with the family and that girl in future. Its only facebook. you may choose to accept the situation as it is, ignore or simply delete your fb account. As far as your husband is good to you, this is all that matters. If you are asking more than that maybe your asking too much.
I think she is a chalak fox type. Please check your bedroom for any hidden ornaments, especially in your pillow case or in corners. If you find anything burn it instantly and then spin around five times while saying "evil eye be gone"
thanks everyone. You guys are right, she is different and has a different place in the family. I was just really upset at that time, and thats why I decided to open the thread. I have calmed down now, and honestly I see how immature I was being. Im a grown woman, and a separate person from her. My inlaws are great and have never given me any reason to complain, so I wont let her behaviour get in the way of my relationship with them. Also my husband mentioned that for her its a new relationship, and she is just overly excited to make connections, and she is about 8 years younger than me (my husband is 8 years older than his brother so they are still fairly young), so for her this is fun and exciting and a new phase of her life, so she is just eager to please. anyway, Im just going to work on my urdu and keep working on my relationship with my in laws.
i think you are proper screwed. :( are you able to sleep at nights with this going on?
So the reason its bothering me the most is because my cousin had a love marriage, and her husbands brother married their fathers best friends daughter, and the best friends daughter gets treated SO WELL, and my cousin gets treated badly.
thanks everyone. You guys are right, she is different and has a different place in the family. I was just really upset at that time, and thats why I decided to open the thread. I have calmed down now, and honestly I see how immature I was being. Im a grown woman, and a separate person from her. My inlaws are great and have never given me any reason to complain, so I wont let her behaviour get in the way of my relationship with them. Also my husband mentioned that for her its a new relationship, and she is just overly excited to make connections, and she is about 8 years younger than me (my husband is 8 years older than his brother so they are still fairly young), so for her this is fun and exciting and a new phase of her life, so she is just eager to please. anyway, Im just going to work on my urdu and keep working on my relationship with my in laws.
pakhair raglay
idhar gs par aati jati raho gi to urdu bhi seekh jao gi aik din. (you could visit gs and will learn urdu one day) :@:
Bechari 
:k: :k: