Domestic Violence.......

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I dunno if linking is allowed overhere or even if this ithe proper place

anywayz, I read some articles on the net bout DV and found some info.
Pretty sad actually. Role Reversal, aggressive behavior, running away, truancy, and substance abuse are behaviors often exhibited by children living in violent homes. Some children withdraw in an attempt to hide within themselves. Others become perfectionists in an attempt to avoid conflict in the home. The psychological effects can be just as devastating, Many children come to believe that because they can not control the violence, they can’t control anything in their lives leaving them with a sense of powerlessness. Low self-esteem, anxiety, nervousness, anger, and confusion are often the result of a life style no child should have to endure.
Just because of the parents cant/dont feel like behaving themselves millions of kids suffer from this. I just think peeple should pay a bit more attention to it
some specs:
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http://www.hubbardtwppd.org/domestic%20violence/effectsonkids.htm

Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate 1500% higher than the national average in the general population.

Research suggest that battering is the single most common factor among mothers of abused children.

Lenore Walker’s 1984 study found that mothers were 8 times more likely to hurt their children when they were being battered than when they were safe from violence.

Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may indirectly receive injuries when household items are thrown, weapons are used, or as a result of being held by their mother when being battered.

Older children may be hurt while trying to protect their mother.

Children from violent homes have higher risks of drug/alcohol abuse and juvenile delinquency.

Approximately 90% of children are aware of the violence directed at their mother.

Children are present in 41-55% of homes where police intervene in domestic violence calls.

Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may experience cognitive or language problems, developmental delay, stress-related physical ailments and hearing and speech problems.

72% of women going to a shelter bring their children with them and 21% of them bring 3 or more children.

Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes.

Many states have passed legislation recognizing that domestic violence should affect child custody decisions

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http://www.asafeplaceforhelp.org/childeffects.html

ANNETTE
The kids were carrying a terrible secret. If they talked, they would lose their dad, and they would be responsible for “breaking up” the family. If they didn’t talk, they felt like they were taking part in my abuse. The kids were torn to pieces by the time we left him. And even that didn’t end it. Every time he had visitation, he’d grill them about me and he was always trying to make them choose between him and me. He’d coach them on things he wanted them to say to me and then they’d have to decide, “Should I say it or not?” He tried to turn them into weapons in his war on me

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JOCELYN
One morning after my husband left for work, my sons were in their room and as I cleaned the kitchen, I realized that they were role-playing one of our fights. My youngest called his brother a “rotten cunt” and I wanted to die. Over the years, the imitation continued. The older one wanted to beat up his dad for me and tried on a few occasions. But the younger one walked around the house calling me a fat pig. Eventually, he started to hit me. That was too much. It opened my eyes. I wouldn’t tolerate this behavior from an eight-year old, so why was I tolerating it from my husband? I realized that my kids were growing up with a totally distorted image of what a family is, what a normal mom is, what a normal dad is, what love is. They’d already learned to disrespect victims, to disrespect me.

Mods feel free to delete links or move this thread

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Dunno if pics a r allowed here, but thats to get a bit more ATTENTION to this.
:)

[MaSoOm_KaBoOteR]

i think if a parent is not going to give a child the proper care and attention he/she needs then they shouldnt have kid. i dont know why people have kids if they arent goona love and take good care of them . i make me realy angry when i see a desi parent with 5 or 6 kids they work and provide them every thing but they forget the most important part PORPER GUIDENCE , then when the kids grow up the parents freek out and say ooo my gosh humaray bachay KRAB ho gaye hain , inaye pakistan laye chlo........ if only they can take the time out and spend it with kids......................

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Thanx masoom for your input :)

I know it s the same for women, (although there also guys nowadays who are suffering from DV) and it sawefull for them aswell.

But I think it s different for kids, cuz they are innocent bystanders who get sucked in and get crushed. Kids who cant even take care for themselves, who cant even do annything except play and learn from the elders...

[zidee]

this is just such a sad topic!
so? u wrote this just as general information or did i miss some sort of message???
believe me...i know how difficult it is to deal with ppl going thru this!!!

[system]

Thanks for bringing attention to this topic. Sad but true. It happens in all societies, in all levels. And unfortuneatly, especially in our own desi society, it's not really acknowledged. It's silenced.

[Minerva]

interesting, yet pretty sad. Well, I have been a victim of domestic violence. Fortunatlry me and my sibling both grew up to be alhumdollilah fine individuals. But we still tease our maa about it. I mean, WHY? what was the need to be so strict. I mean both of us were pratically beaten up with everything my ammi laid her hands on ( bamboo sticks, steal ruler, squash bat, plastic pipes.. benth..locking up the kid in the store room or leaving him out of the house for 10-15 mins in the middle of the night)Infact we were never even rescued by our father during the course of our regular beatings we would get a slap or two if ever we tried to seek his services… And that was all for the sake of good upbringing…

Now, interestingly when we compare our situation with our cousins; we find that there is no difference at all. THey were not even slapped by either of their parents or grandparents and they are equally good.

Well, I am all for occasional beatings and strict upbringing atleast from one of the parents but under no circumstances I would like to treat my kids whenever I have them in this manner.

[Nutz]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by zidee: *
believe me...i know how difficult it is to deal with ppl going thru this!!!
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^ you bet ..

and children don't have to be physically or verbally abused to be hurt by domestic violence. Hearing or seeing the abuse of one parent by the other, be it just arguements, takes a huge toll on kids.

It's like a vicious cycle...indeed a very sad topic...:-/

[Rafiah]

I personally think that a lot of attention should be given to this issue.So many children are abused and their emotional scars never heal.A child needs a home where he/she can feel safe...a place where they can get care and love.Unfortunately there are so many homes where domestic violence is an everyday issue.

Yeah... it happens in a some desi families....and the sad part is (although it might not be such extreme domestic violence) its not seen as a surprising issue.Its almost seen as 'normal'.That.... oh if the child doesnt do something right.... slap him/her.Its sad....and I wish people would give this issue more attention.