True story after true story I hear of domestic abuse. I am seeing that even on here, people admit it happened to them publicly.
What makes a guy turn into an abuser?? I mean, our deen and iman emphasizes so much on respect for women, and yet, why are so many desi guys abusers?
And its never the ones you think will do it, either!
because guys in our society are told they're the best thing since sliced bread from the day they're born. from being amma's laadlaa to being abba's right hand man, it's impressed upon them every day how important they are. eventually, one thing leads to another... this turns into narcissism and the need to have things your way at all times and eventually descends into abuse when they can't have things their way. plus of course, the majaz-e-khuda concept doesn't help the cause of reason and sanity either...
note that I'm not talking about total psychos here who just have a need to abuse ppl. I'm talking about people who abuse because they know they can get away with it.
Re: Domestic Abuse
Lack of right "Taleem o Tarbiyat" and non-action from wifes contributes a lot.
Let me put some blames on mom's too. They being women, SHOULD raise their boys with right teaching about the "darja" of women/wife. i have seen that if mom has gone through the abuse, she does NOTHING to make sure her BAHU does not goes through the same. Mostly I have seen women prefer "revenge" instead of "fixing it for next generation"
2ndly, women who is under abuse allow it to goes on. She should SPEAK UP. Now a days there are so many channels of communication available. If that means hubby going to jail, then be it but again tarbiyat kicks in "na na beta miaaa kee haar baat man-na"
and finally there is a group of pathetic guys who abuse their women just because they can. For them wife is the easiest stress release point.
Re: Domestic Abuse
because our society produces the weakest of females... non-career oriented, education-only-for-timepass, too worried about her reputation, and too scared of the people factor. This turns a 5 ft- 1 in man stronger over a 6 ft woman.
Re: Domestic Abuse
For the armchair critics, have you ever stood up to an abuser? You make it sound so easy.
An abuser only abuses once he has successfully eradicated a person's sense of self worth and self-esteem. Once that's gone, they can grab you face, do all sorts of things, and you know what? You think you deserve it cause that's what you are being told. You have NO SELF ESTEEM to think otherwise.
Standing up to an abuser is one of hte most terrifying things you can possibly imagine? Why - because you know there are consequences. You know something will happen if you say "uff" to an abuser. Something will get smashed against the wall. Maybe it will be you, if not the abuser's cell phone or cigarette lighter. If it isn't a physical consequence, you will definitely be in for an emotional beating.
These men are narcissitic. They think they are stunningly good looking and the most intelligent. Everybody is beneath them. Including their spouse.
And yes, their are a product of their parents. Their parents gave them zero morals and values and these men do not know the difference between right and wrong. They have zero empathy for others which is why they have no issues throwing around their pregnant wife.
For the armchair critics, have you ever stood up to an abuser? You make it sound so easy.
Sorry but comments like yours make it more difficult for people to stand against it...one more reason that abuse is going on for so long!
Re: Domestic Abuse
*just desis? u haven't heard white men abusers? black abusers? its everywhere and its a menace. all men AND women who ar4e abusers must be hanged till their heads are snapped from their bodies. *
Re: Domestic Abuse
Usmani Saahab, we are here primarily to discuss desi issues. Sure, there is abuse across ethnic, gender, national lines.
Usmani Saahab, we are here primarily to discuss desi issues. Sure, there is abuse across ethnic, gender, national lines.
Lets see how long you can maintain you "Ikhaliqi" posts after being mod :D
Re: Domestic Abuse
^ that was for him being from Lucknow.
Re: Domestic Abuse
Well if you are collecting data just from GS then be mindful That ppl create false image or more favorable image of the situation to hear what they want to hear.
That way they feel supported.
Pakistani or Muslim in general men are not too bad dealing with women.
^ that was for him being from Lucknow.
lol...its a city in canada
Re: Domestic Abuse
ALOT of it comes from the family you have been brought up in.
Someone in my family recently moved back to her parents house after a year of marriage because for the past 12 months, she was abused by her husband. Her inlaws wanted the guy to marry one of his cousins but he said no, and as soon as someone told them about this rishta of the girl, he told his parents he wanted to marry her. The inlaws were not happy but didn't say anything. A day after the wedding when the girl went to her inlaws house, she was asked to prepare dinner for 40 people the same night. She stayed quiet out of respect and her willingness to like and be there for these people. Sadly, things just got so bad. The inlaws would openly tell the guy to hit her and divorce her. He would slap her, push her against the wall, threatened her and what not. Finally the last straw was a few months ago when he strangled her, then let go and started apologizing. A few mins later, he started strangling her again until she scratched his face, pushed him away and called the cops. Got a restraining order against him, packed everything up and moved back to her parents house. The guy and inlaws are saying it was not his fault and that he didn't do anything. The girl has all proofs- pictures of bruises on her neck, doctor's report that her voicebox was damaged due to severe strangling, etc etc. The guy is well educated, apparently from a 'decent' family, AND his family is GREAT friends with the girl's chacha who vouched for them in the rishta process. I guess you just never know with people.
It's really, really sad.
Sorry but comments like yours make it more difficult for people to stand against it...one more reason that abuse is going on for so long!
Actually it's comments/attitudes that these women are pathetic and asking for it which is what keeps them back.
Did you know that a lot of these men are really highly educated, hold successful jobs and are really high up in the career ladder? Nobody in the world would think they are cruel towards their spouse. Nobody would think that cause they have two faces - they are so nice, helpful, loving to outsiders but what happens behind closed doors is a totally different story.
I've recently come out of an abusive relationship so please try not to dismiss what I'm saying. Im fully aware of how much courage and guts it takes to stand up to someone you are scared of. It makes you physically sick. Just the thought of standing up to this person can make you sick with fear and anxiety, when in reality, these men are cowards and you have nothing to fear from them. But they have so far successfully eradicated your sense of self-worth which is why a person becomes so scared. You feel like you would rather be dead than try and stand up to someone who has no issues at all inflicting all sorts of emotional/mental abuse on you.
it's a very ugly situation to be in. it really is one of the most terrifying things to do - stand up to an abuser, but once you do it, you feel finally feel free of these psychos.
Reality is, that unless you have stood in these shoes, you won't get it. Nobody gets it. Nobody will understand it, but there are support groups out there that can help you get through it.
And it isn't just Pakistani men. There are SO MANY wonderful Pakistani men out there. Thank God I've had positive examples in my life outside this one individual, so he hasn't succesfully turned me against the male gender.
funguy aap to buhat sudhar gaye hain within a day.
Domestic abuse
I believe only cowards and psychotics can think of hitting a woman.
Re: Domestic Abuse
A scum is a scum . Most of the time these are same men who are not respected outside the house and they think that they can acheive the same goal at home through violence . I think they are very insecure people . I have zero respect for them .
I think awareness among men and women can solve this problem . Media can play a very critical role . These things should be openly discussed and discouraged to convey a message to upcoming generations .
Re: Domestic Abuse
If we are talking about men hitting women then we all know it can't more wrong.
But there are situations where we see emotional abuse going on. Or girls are treated with less then they deserve. In those situation there could be more to the story then guy being offender.
I think even in our community we can/should use marriage counseling.
I know one of my Friend's friend, she is having so much problem with her husband. To the point where she is wanting a divorce. And she see strange dream about her hubby all the time.
Funny thing is her hubby is regarded as an angel among the ppl who know him.
However I do know that girl being a deis do some things which can drive any man insane.
Funny thing is her hubby is regarded as an angel among the ppl who know him. However I do know that girl being a deis do some things which can drive any man insane.
You wouldn't be saying this if it were your sister or another female relative in this situation.
You wouldn't be saying this if it were your sister or another female relative in this situation.
sara my sister would have trust in me. If I would have said some thing pirior to her marriage they would have listened.
On the other hand THIS girl stoped talking to me several times just because I pointed out what she was doing wrong.
I believe both of them are not totally evil they do need professional help though.
because our society produces the weakest of females... non-career oriented, education-only-for-timepass, too worried about her reputation, and too scared of the people factor. This turns a 5 ft- 1 in man stronger over a 6 ft woman.
I totally agree with this. Our society produces housewives who live off their husbands so they can't really leave their husbands regardless of how they treat them. And even if they do, life sucks without a husband since very few women get re-married and most of them don't have any qualification or job experience or skills which will enable them to be financially stable.
If you ask me, women have done this to themselves. They have made themselves worthless really.