Let say either of the spouse have not been able to live with his/her parents or have lived in complicated environment where, they have been brought up by single parent and later that single parent also passed away and then (s)he have to live with step brother/sisters…
Does this kind of person can be normally understanding/cooperative spouse, or would (s)he be more emotional and would be doing whatever it takes to grab all the attention to the extend that (s)he get jealous from his/her own child..saying that the spouse loves and cares the child more…
how to overcome this situation, talking to the person would make emotional out-burst and had seen not encouraging results… offering psychological consultancy had even severe results.. so what to do, how to turn that negative energy into positive, how to make spouse feel secure…
S/he just needs more love and care that his/her heart always wished and longed for throughout his/her life. The wounds of heart don't fill that easily. Even though some people become more strong spiritually, mentally tough and self made after going through such difficult times, others more sensitive + delicate ones break down and become insecure. At times they don't even mean what they say when they complain about your behavior, but they do it for the extra amount of attention, love and care that their heart desires. So, it is better to listen to them, even at times, to their unreasonable complains, because they just want to vent. The more one counter argues, the more the situation gets worse. If only one quietly and patiently listen to them, they would cool down, reflect on their own words and then realize their mistake. Show them with your behavior that you think s/he is a normal person not a psychological patient. Better to pray from Allah (swt) to bless their heart with stability, because nothing can be achieved without the grace and mercy of Allah (swt).
Even though it might vary from person to person, its how I personally feel about them, even though I might be totally wrong. Allah (swt) knows best.
Thanks bro, the patience might be the key here, it will take it to certain level and then the possibility is that the wrong behavior might become habit, knowing that this may win them whatever they want...
there are times when difficult decisions were dictated by the circumstances, which may allow one of the spouses to show same love and affection as they use to show, in these conditions, it is becomes more difficult to contain behavior in discussion and while writing these lines, i was thinking that, our LORD, never ever stops showering HIS mercy on us, regardless how mean, selfish, irritating we acts towards him... HE treats us with the best even with ungrateful behavior and with HIM all the powers to punish us for the misdeeds and carelessness... we are spared each and every time...
Well said brother. One thing I can say from experience. Even though I don't know if I should mention it here. I didn't go through the situation you mentioned, but I myself was the most hyper and destructive child. At the age from 4 till 13, I tried to kill people with knives and stones, even my parents. My parents did everything to calm me down but nothing worked. I don't remember exactly but that is what my parents and relatives recall.
The only thing that proved helpful for me and many others I know who suffer from such problems is to develop interest and hunger for the spiritual food, through sharing of hadiths from time to time. To offer prayer, recite Quran, and act upon the sunnahs of the prophet that helps in developing ones relationship with Allah (swt). In the beginning it is repulsive for spiritual patients like me just like an ill person in the hospital refuses to have the most healthy and delicious food because he is ill and doesn't feel like eating it. Similarly a psychologically ill person needs a bit of spiritual food from time to time, to calm him down and develop a taste for it. Once he gets used to it, the rest of the things in life don't effect them much. I am not saying that I have reached that level, but it helped a psychological patient like me to calm down in tense and hyper situations.
Most importantly, tempting doses of the lifestyle of the Prophet (saw) and the Suhabas would make him feel interested in developing good manners instead of taking advantage of your patience and sincerity.
^^ Well said, that remedy can be used, i guess myself and every other person needs dosage of spiritual medication, may it start from as little as a single aya from Quran or simplest of ahadith...
Me was not much different from you, all i didn't do was to kill my parents but i did tried it on my grand parents and aunts, who then try not to visit our house or call us at their places... but i guess things did worked out, thanks to the patience of my parents who bear me in those times...
^ :D. Not exactly killing. But to attack. I feel embarrassed. I try to compensate though, by the grace and mercy of Allah (swt). May Allah (swt) forgive me, considering my age at that time.
