p.s this thread is not for mullaz neither for good Muslims nor for traditional social values followers. so plz dont waste time reading this or giving suggestions. thanx
In US or EU countries its normal for gf/bf living together. and if they get along well they later on at some stage decide to get married. Does living together helps knowing each other in a better way or not?
I mean living together off course develops feelings or strengthen it and that gives a better understanding of partner. If we exclude the religious/social part its more or less same living like a married couple. So how many of you think that it helps making a relationship better???
Well, a lot of people say that you don't really get to know a person until you live with them. So, I am sure it does help.
But research suggests that common-law couples who are not engaged are the least happy among all other couple groups; heterosexual coupled-up and married, and homosexual coupled up, homosexual common-law and homosexual married partners.
ya..you live with the person...get the feel.....and then runaway..hahhah only that the divorce is not a hinderance..so its easy to runaway...and less attempts to make it work
Also, in North America, couples who have lived together are more likely to get divorced than those who haven't.
It is explained by how conservative they are. If couples are choosing to not live together, then they must be conservative, compared to those who do live together. If they are more conservative, they are likely to have traditional views about the bond that is marriage. More liberal people may view it a lot more flexibly.
All of this is a bad thing if you're conservative enough to think that divorce is bad. If you don't see an issue with a relationship ending after it has stopped satisfying either one or both the people, then, this doesn't really matter.
However, I dont see many girls who are too keen on the idea of living with a man. They think he will get used to "getting the milk for free" and not want anything more then that.
If men get everything they want without marriage...............................why would they marry? They dont need to marry.
I also think that these setups are slowly destroying the family structure in the West. Cohabitating with no real legal bond between two people. Its not a family, its a room mate situation.
Its pathetic in my opinion to live with a man before marriage. Why would I do all that for a man that isnt even my husband?
However, I dont see many girls who are too keen on the idea of living with a man. They think he will get used to "getting the milk for free" and not want anything more then that.
If men get everything they want without marriage...............................why would they marry? They dont need to marry.
I also think that these setups are slowly destroying the family structure in the West. Cohabitating with no real legal bond between two people. Its not a family, its a room mate situation.
Its pathetic in my opinion to live with a man before marriage. Why would I do all that for a man that isnt even my husband?
shugali tht sounds so full of glamour, charmingly or fascinatingly attractive especially in a mysterious or magical way.sounds so full of excitement/adventure …cut the story short , thts wht seemed good only in glamorous world but in reality its bad, twisted, topsy-turvy world, Where all the heaviest wrongs done uppermost. Allah is the author, men/women are only the players.But tho’ dreams of delight may have dazzled you quite, They at last found it dangerous play; Many things in this world that look bright, pretty moth, Only dazzle to lead us astray. We can only change the world by changing men/women …
However, I dont see many girls who are too keen on the idea of living with a man. They think he will get used to "getting the milk for free" and not want anything more then that.
*If men get everything they want without marriage...............................why would they marry? They dont need to marry. *
I also think that these setups are slowly destroying the family structure in the West. Cohabitating with no real legal bond between two people. Its not a family, its a room mate situation.
Its pathetic in my opinion to live with a man before marriage. Why would I do all that for a man that isnt even my husband?
A woman gets everything she wants too. She doesn't need to marry, either. If she is not planning on depending on him financially, or emotionally (by that I mean being unable to function on her own), she'd be fine.
In Canada (except Saskatchewan), you can get almost the same rights as married folk, if you have a common-law marriage. It just translates into the willingness of the couple to make a legal commitment for life. I know couples who have stayed together most of their lives without that legal document. You can even make a social commitment to be together, without making it legal, usually referred to as "commitment ceremony".
For the last point, which I know is your opinion (and you're entitled to it), I am offering another perspective: you'd do all of that for a guy who is not your husband, because you love him.
Agreed. I would do that for a man I love but he would have to be my husband in order for me to take that step. If he loved me in return...why would he put me through something I obviously am so opposed to? No matter how much I loved him, I would not sacrifice my values just to be with him. That kind of a demand would eventually lead to a lot of resentment. I would end up resenting him for making me do something I dont believe in.
I may sound very cynical when I say this to some people but love before marriage is IMHO...not really the kind of love that keeps people together for 50+ years. It just isnt. Its infatuation, lust, crush, etc...call it what you want. You can even call it love but the kind of bond that can withstand time and trials...is not what you have before marriage. It has potential...its a possibility but it definitely isnt IT.
About a woman getting what she wants too...Im sure there are some cases out there of such women. But for the most part...women want a family, home, security, etc. All of that doesnt come from a living arrangement.
About the marriage part...even in non-muslim societies...when people dont choose to give their relationship some sort of recognition...the laws give them that recognition by default. Why? Because marriage between two people is important. It signifies something. It also goes back to my first point of preserving family structure.
In addition, it makes it less messy when one of the two passes away. After spending 40 years together...you would lose everything you created with your partner to his family because they are next of kin...not the woman who doesnt have a marriage certificate.
I know a couple in this situation and after living together for over 5 years their butterflies are gone . So now they are approaching other ''butterflies'' to get some thrill in life . And yup marriage is out of question . A dead end .
I think a marriage should be like a bullet in the head . One shouldn't get a chance to think twice about it .
Living together is not the same as marriage. The problem is that nowadays people are so used to going from partner to partner, that they make the jump to going from marriage to marriage.
And research has shown that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce.
Think about it this way, if you have nothing to compare it to, why would you divorce the only guy you've lived with? Provided he isn't abusing you or something, if it's just regular rough patches that every marriage goes through, you would work to save it. People in the west have lived with others, so they break up with their current partners at the first sign of trouble.
So yes, living together may expose you to some of the other person's ugly habits, but I think if you're really honest about all that in the rishta/dating process, there is no need to live together.
And this is coming from someone who is not that religious so don't think I'm some mullah. But I have seen how important marriage is and how much the stability of my parents' relationship has helped me. And not all white people are like that, some are pretty conservative and don't have sex or live together before marriage.
I'm not even talking about religion here, just the importance of marriage (not living together) and how important it is to the success of children and society in general.
I see several people are referring to different studies in their posts. Out of curiosity I did a search and found 2 articles related to this: First article from 2008 and the 2nd article from 2010. The articles I saw which contradicted these 2 articles are all older in date. Does anyone know of a newer/recent study/article that opposes the “findings” mentioned in these 2 articles?
In addition, it makes it less messy when one of the two passes away. After spending 40 years together...you would lose everything you created with your partner to his family because they are next of kin...not the woman who doesnt have a marriage certificate.
This is off topic but I wanted to point out something related to this. I work in the legal field and in addition, know several people who specialize in probate law. A marriage certificate doesn't guarantee a "stress free" transfer of estate to the surviving spouse if the deceased spouse died without a valid will and the family put up a fight to prevent the surviving spouse from "getting" the property/money etc. In addition, "common law" marriages are recognized by courts so if a couple has been together for "40 years", the surviving "partner" will not necessarily lose everything just b/c she/he doesn't have a marriage certificate.
There are MANY cases where a person leaves their entire estate to their surviving "partner" b/c they were "smart" enough to leave a valid will that will hold up in any legal court if challenged. On the flip side, there are many cases where spouse dies without a will, and the family (even grown children!) put up a fight to prevent the surviving spouse from receiving everything. Even if the family doesn't win against the spouse, the legal battle can go on for years and the legal fees can easily leave the wife (or husband) without anything at the end. Even with a marriage certificate, you'd be shocked as to the hell a family/grown children can put a surviving spouse through if the deceased spouse didn't leave a valid will.
Whether a person is legally married or not....EVERYONE really needs to think about and create a valid will and get it updated regularly so when you do die, there is no question as to who you want to leave your belongings to.
