She knows a guy for some 9-10 months. Both intend to involve parents & marry each other. He has been asking her to involve parents right from beginning. She being a scared type who is too scared of her dad, she has scared to do that & has been looking for an effective way to do so, so that her dad doesn’t get mad at her or something. For that, her cousin has assured her to help her to talk to her dad & make things work & she would talk to her dad face-to-face when she will be here in the same country as her dad is someone who has a habit of over-reacting & getting hyper even on small,small issues. She would be in the same country in first week of June. So my friend has asked that guy to give her time till June to talk to her parents & then involve the parents. But the guy isn’t so happy hearing about her cousin’s involvement as he says she might screw up things & make a mess as she doesn’t really know much about him. So, whenever they both have fights, this guy insists on involving parents & taunt her for being cheat & fraud as she isn’t involving parents yet though she has explained to him that her dad is very strict and conservative type & this matter should be handled carefully or else things would go against their favour. So, whenever they have fight, he gives her a deadline to involve parents & himself goes into vanishing that, when she calls or sends sms, he doesn’t really respond. So again they’ve had a fight & he has requested her to give him a break by not calling and sending sms & meanwhile she should talk to her dad & should contact him only when she has a date on which he and his parents can visit her parents with proposal. Now what bothers her is that, while he insists on her to talk to dad, why does he himself go into disappearing mode? She is scared that, suppose, if she does talk to her dad regarding him in his absence, what if after talking to her dad, if she tries to reach him, he wouldn’t be available? She has this doubt that, instead of going into vanishing mode, why doesn’t he stay there to give her any support which she may require?
What you people think? Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
Okay, see I've just one question for you; If the guy is already taunting her and not understanding your friends situation, isnt it a bit silly of your friend to think that this guy is worth it? Does she really think he wont be taunting after the marriage etc etc. ? Think about it.
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
His behavior doesn't indicate that there's anything "fishy". The guy's behavior says that he's a jerk! Is your friend really that desperate that she wants to marry someone like this?
The guy dissapering after your friend's dad's finds out about him is the LEAST of her problems! Supposed they get married....and have children. And there are disagreements between them (which happens in EVERY marriage). What is your friend going to do if the guy dissappears/leaves her AFTER marriage?!
If the guy isn't willing to stick around the provide emotional support for your friend right now...then what makes her think he'll support her after marriage?
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
Has he talked to his parents? If not, than that's the first thing to get ball rolling. I'd never recommend girls taking first step (of talking to parents) when there is a degree of mistrust present.
IF he has already talked to his parents then, actually HER behavior is saying something and not HIS. She was not scared of her DAD when she got on board for this bonanza for 10 months but she is sacred of her dad for doing the right thing? Hard for me to comprehend.
PS: oh and before we start giving verdict about the guy, just imagine what if it was girl who was pushing for guy to involve his parents. We all would have been so "Oh he must be a cheat coz he is not telling his parents" right away.....eh?
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
Has he told his parents about her? If not he can't expect her to do the same either. Disappearing is a sign of immaturity, if he's unhappy he needs to discuss the issue rather than become the vanishing man.
But to play Devil's advocate, if the shoe was on the other foot and it was the girl who wanted to get a guy to commit and he kept hemming and hawwing, we'd probably say there was something fishy about the guy. So why does the girl get to set the timetable in this instance?
If he wants the parents involved, then they should be - involving a third person isn't always the best option. And this cousin - why can't they handle this over the phone or at least initiate things over the phone rather than have everyone else wait?
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
Involving parents is usually considered as a sign of seriousness on anyone's part. If anyone has delayed involving parents, something is seriously wrong since no one better knows the parents, family or family situation more than the person himself/herself. Usually girls complain that the guys they are in relationship with are not involving the parents and are not taking the proper channel towards the marriage.
Whether or not the guy has involved his parents or not, the girl is in a difficult situation because of the immaturity of guy. She needs to clear things up before she involves her parents. She might ask the guy to get his family meet her which will let the girl know about the seriousness and she can then talk to her dad. Before anything serious on guy's side, she SHOULD NOT talk to her dad. The guy's behaviour is very immature.
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
The cousin is coming in the 1st week of June....that's less than 2 months away. If the guy waited this long....I'm confused as to what harm waiting 2 more months will do.
I don't think the issue here is the parents not knowing (whether it's his or hers). I think the main issue the girl needs to think about is the how the guy treats her when their relationship is under stress.....how he handles conflicts. We all know that marriage is hard work. Once kids are in the picture, the stress level goes up even more. It's very important the couple ALWAYS work as a team to resolve any/all issues that come up in their relationship.
If the guy is just dissappering and making her worry about him.....if the guy is calling her names (ie. calling her a cheat/fraud during arguments about this issue).....then that's a major red flag in my opinion. If the guy is truly unhappy about her not telling her dad....then he should just break up with her. But if he's leading her to believe that he wants to continue this relationship....then he needs to stick by her side and support her for 2 more months (since he has already been there for 10 months already). Dissappering and name-calling during fights is not a healthy way to resolve conflicts.
On a side note: I would say the same exact thing if this was a situation where the guy was scared of his very conservative father. We're all aware that they are some crazy people out there (ie. crazy, overly-conservative desi father's who're more than capable of violence against their daughters). If this girl is truly afraid of her father....then she must have a reason for it. None of us (including the guy with her) knows her family dynamics the way she does. She's not asking the guy to wait forever. She's asking for 2 more months. The guy is supposedly in love with this girl enough to make her his wife....but he can't give her 2 months?
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
pinky: how is the relationship between them? Are both of them fallen in love? If yes, then what is the "understanding of last 10 month" on girl's fear of family?
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
I don't think the issue here is the parents not knowing (whether it's his or hers). I think the main issue the girl needs to think about is the how the guy treats her when their relationship is under stress.....how he handles conflicts. We all know that marriage is hard work. Once kids are in the picture, the stress level goes up even more. It's very important the couple ALWAYS work as a team to resolve any/all issues that come up in their relationship.
You're reading WAY too much into the story posted by the OP.
From what I see, the guy is simply frustrated that this girl is pussyfooting around instead of simply telling her dad. She wants to get married to him, what on earth is she waiting for? Or does she think the guy is doing this all for kicks..as in hehe I'll make her tell her dad about us and run away, so much fun woohoo. Ridiculous.
Re: Does his this behaviour say there is something fishy?
Yeah but she is willing to involve parents. She just wants to take the step of initiating things to her dad in such a way so that things shouldn’t go wrong but instead should work in their favour! The only question is, what does it mean when he tries to get vanished after insisting on her to talk to her dad. Why can’t he just stay there & see if the girl may need any help, etc, since he does brag he is honest & wants to marry her!??
