A friend was talking to me and I wondered as we spoke… tht Having two different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationship? She was talking about her experiences and I was only wondering…
How do couples do it. ofcourse as partners both plan to make mutual financial effort for their living. But when the guy has responsibility for his family… The girl’s general intention is nice tht yeh she wants to contribute with him for his responsibilities. But when they have arguments about little things and guy just says Oh you are always negative about my family( when she is not)… and then the girl is like oh what i was thinking… I was thinking to support you each and everyway for ur family and you give me such negative conclusions about me and ur family. Girl mentions her contributions for his family… She mentions how his sisters are house wives… how his mother is a house wife and how his little brother’s wife-to-be is going to be a house wife. Only she is going to go out and work so they can meet financial expenses. She also wants to help her husband with his responsibilities since his father passed away and he has been the main provider for the family.
And then guy worries about girl mentioning her efforts to help him supporting his family. He doesnt want the girl to mention her efforts… since he considers them ‘tanay’, or ‘Taunting’… He tells her tht I do not want ur conrtibutions and I will take only ur financial responsibility and will forget about my family… and the girl is like What the Hell… I do want him to fulfill his family responsibilities…
She comes up with an idea… of keeping seperate bank accounts. She can keep what she earns in her account and the guy can keep his earnings in his account… The girl would want to take her own responsibility and also want to spend on something tht is mutual between them… She still have good intentions about the guys family but she knows if she ll make any contributions for them.. and if even a little negative thing comes up… she wont be able to stop herself mentioning her conributions. Mentioning it will make the guy upset… So what to be done… since this issue always leads to bigger issues between them. What to do?
The guy can make all the financial efforts he wants for his family through his own earnings…
Also this is a case when the guy and the girl live seperate from his family… They live in States and the family is in Pakistan.
Does having the idea of keeping earnings seperate will create any problems? Does that prevent the feelings of staying closer?
A friend was talking to me and I wondered as we spoke.... tht Having two different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationship? She was talking about her experiences and I was only wondering....
How do couples do it. ofcourse as partners both plan to make mutual financial effort for their living. But when the guy has responsibility for his family...... The girl's general intention is nice tht yeh she wants to contribute with him for his responsibilities. But when they have arguments about little things and guy just says Oh you are always negative about my family( when she is not)... and then the girl is like oh what i was thinking... I was thinking to support you each and everyway for ur family and you give me such negative conclusions about me and ur family. Girl mentions her contributions for his family... She mentions how his sisters are house wives... how his mother is a house wife and how his little brother's wife-to-be is going to be a house wife. Only she is going to go out and work so they can meet financial expenses. She also wants to help her husband with his responsibilities since his father passed away and he has been the main provider for the family.
And then guy worries about girl mentioning her efforts to help him supporting his family. He doesnt want the girl to mention her efforts... since he considers them 'tanay', or 'Taunting'.... He tells her tht I do not want ur conrtibutions and I will take only ur financial responsibility and will forget about my family... and the girl is like What the Hell.... I do want him to fulfill his family responsibilities....
She comes up with an idea.... of keeping seperate bank accounts. She can keep what she earns in her account and the guy can keep his earnings in his account.... The girl would want to take her own responsibility and also want to spend on something tht is mutual between them.... She still have good intentions about the guys family but she knows if she ll make any contributions for them.. and if even a little negative thing comes up.... she wont be able to stop herself mentioning her conributions. Mentioning it will make the guy upset... So what to be done.... since this issue always leads to bigger issues between them. What to do?
The guy can make all the financial efforts he wants for his family through his own earnings....
Also this is a case when the guy and the girl live seperate from his family... They live in States and the family is in Pakistan.
Does having the idea of keeping earnings seperate will create any problems? Does that prevent the feelings of staying closer?
First of all..the girls is not acting like a mature person here.
With every arguemnet she tells him how she is good that she spends or wants to spend money on his family.
He is right in asking her not mentioning it but should say....Don't spend any money on my family.
Overall the girls is not a nice person. or she does not know when to stop hurting others.
And separate account is an absurd idea. But same bank with different account number but mutual access is not so bad idea.
First of all..the girls is not acting like a mature person here.
With every arguemnet she tells him how she is good that she spends or wants to spend money on his family.
He is right in asking her not mentioning it but should say....Don't spend any money on my family.
Overall the girls is not a nice person. or she does not know when to stop hurting others.
And separate account is an absurd idea. But same bank with different account number but mutual access is not so bad idea.
what about them making all her efforts zero? She doesnt want to mention it. She cant stop mentioning it only when she is blamed tht she might have negativity in her mind about his family. She gets hurt too. When she knows and her husband also realizes in normal circumstances that she cares about his family. She makes all her efforts to have a great relationship with his mother and sisters. What about her planning to have enough financial means so they both can go to pakistan for his brothers upcoming wedding and spend as much as needed. She is planning to work extra hours..... so they can have enough money and everyone can stay happy.
She realizes the importance of family very much. She takes his mother as her own mother. Her parents passed away when she was young. She lived with her uncle's family. He made her life hell. She has suffered a lot before married life.
Her father and husbands father were childhood friends. She loves him a lot. and makes every effort to make him happy. He some times admits that he gets hyper and angry and then later on apologizes. He knows that she loves him and she knows tht he loves him a lot. All she want is him in her life while not sepretaing him from his family.
But she doesnt want to be taken for granted sometimes. Little issues involving family makes her emtionally insecure. what should she do?
what about them making all her efforts zero? She doesnt want to mention it. She cant stop mentioning it only when she is blamed tht she might have negativity in her mind about his family. She gets hurt too. When she knows and her husband also realizes in normal circumstances that she cares about his family. She makes all her efforts to have a great relationship with his mother and sisters. What about her planning to have enough financial means so they both can go to pakistan for his brothers upcoming wedding and spend as much as needed. She is planning to work extra hours..... so they can have enough money and everyone can stay happy.
She realizes the importance of family very much. She takes his mother as her own mother. Her parents passed away when she was young. She lived with her uncle's family. He made her life hell. She has suffered a lot before married life.
Her father and husbands father were childhood friends. She loves him a lot. and makes every effort to make him happy. He some times admits that he gets hyper and angry and then later on apologizes. He knows that she loves him and she knows tht he loves him a lot. All she want is him in her life while not sepretaing him from his family.
But she doesnt want to be taken for granted sometimes. Little issues involving family makes her emtionally insecure. what should she do?
What you are mentioning now is very commendable and she does deserve better treatment from him.
The essence of discussion is that in the heat of argument, if woman mentions these things the effect goes in wrong direction and man feels even worse.
He should admire her and she should make him admire him and not mention these good things in the event of argument to try to get even with him.
There are other ways and better situations where she could politely show her contributions.
Same goes with man though. He should not say things to his wife what good he does for her when argument happens.
Re: Does having 2 different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationsh
The husband will think his wife is giving a taana if she brings up how much they do for this family during an argument. She should show how much she cares for his family and how much she is willing to spend. If she wants to buy things for her brother-in-law's wedding, then during a normal conversation she can bring up that she's so excited about the wedding, they should buy this for so and so member of his family, etc.
In my opinion, if a married couple has two separate bank accounts, both should have access to them. If she's worried about how much money is going to the relatives/other expenses, then consider putting more money towards a savings account, don't put it in the checking account. I'm not married, so it would be best if someone who is married in which both husband and wife work gave advice on this. But I would think that if there are separate bank accounts it could lead to more problems, like trust issues.
Re: Does having 2 different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationsh
My parents started with just one joint account (over here in the UK anyway) then my mum got her own then a few yrs later my dad got fed up she was practically emptying out the joint account whilst never spending from her own so kind of in retaliation he opened a separate one himself and started keeping very little in the joint one.. it got quite messy and nasty..
Re: Does having 2 different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationsh
I dont think it sets a good precedent in a marriage to separate basic things like finances. Income and out-go are important things to decide upon. No more mine and yours. "ours" is the order of the day after marriage. Ideally, a couple sits down together and makes a monthly budget. They have joint accounts, they agree on budgeting including how much goes to support the parents. I can see perhaps separate savings accounts for each.
Separating the finances and calling it "my money" and "your money" just creates a me-against-you type of atmosphere.
Re: Does having 2 different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationsh
Mamaof3 that is how it should work. But you expect too much from people. Not everyone is so sensible. Some people will abuse joint accounts and then when divorces happen, people can lose ALOT.
Re: Does having 2 different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationsh
we have seperate bank accounts and one joint one.....its no big deal....every month when we get our statements we put them in a joint little A4 folder....
Re: Does having 2 different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationsh
We have various accounts-we have two main separate accounts and one main joint account. Alongside our separate accounts I have set up additional accounts into which I put in deposits on a weekly basis for the mortgage, another for other expenses (uni fees etc) and one last account for a holiday fund. I'm generally in charge of our accounts and we try our best to keep each other posted on money coming in and out.
I have an isa account into which I put chunks of money as and when I can and it doesn't cause an issue for my husband as I do earn my own money too (although when I do save I save for things we require as a couple e.g. new roof, car etc etc).
I know the amount of accounts we have maybe a bit too much for someone else but it works for us-we have our own accounts to do as we wish and other accounts to help things tick over.
Separate accounts can often spell disaster for many couples. A male family member of mine got married quite young to a lovely girl from back in Pakistan. As soon as she moved over their relationship became strained. She wanted her own account and money to put into it (her husband was the main breadwinner). Of course he opened her an account and explained all the home expenses too her and also gave her a nice little budget for perfume and other girlie bits (I think £30.00 a week back in 2000 was quite reasonable). However she wasn't impressed, she wanted more. Marriage became strained, and took a lot of people a lot of talking to them them to sit down and talk about their financial situation including separate accounts and the need for them.
The moral I learnt from them: only have separate accounts if you need them and give and take-don't just take take take out of a relationship.
Re: Does having 2 different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationsh
If a woman isn't earning, then rely on one joint
account with a separate account with her own parents or a vault on the side for security- just in case he throws her out.
But if a woman is a spender, it's better to have a separate account so she doesn't deplete family money for fancy joras and crap. I've seen families have issues when someone has a spending problem.
my seperate account had been become an issue between us alhumdollilah.... he added my name into his account right after our marriage but i never bothered to give him access to my account .. he never asked for that either. ..
Re: Does having 2 different bank accounts for husband and wife affects the relationsh
We have 1 joint account and I have a seperate savings & checking account. It works out pretty OK for the most part. He takes care of most of the financial bills related to mortgage/childcare etc....and I help out where I can. I have money in a seperate savings account for rainy days and I still have my checking account from pre-marriage where I pay some of my own personal stuff...etc. Whatever you do, the couple needs to sit down and talk and make a budget, and decide what works for them & then STICK to it.