In the hunt for appropriate rishtas, I’ve very rarely seen someone looking for her/his “own kind” in terms of profession – except for doctors. Now I know that not all doctors approach rishtas this way, but I’ve definitely heard about this happening a lot. And many matrimonial sections are filled with such qualifiers.
So for those doctors looking only for rishtas from other doctors, why is it? What do you feel that another doctor will offer for you as a spouse that other rishtas couldn’t? It’s not just about having someone who is educated and working – what is it about a doctor that is specifically appealing to other doctors?
but seriously i think its the mind setting thing. maybe doc's think that they can talk about some latest research with their spouses and they will have same kind of problems (if any) so it will be easy to deal. Plus, if you both are doctors in Pakistan, you can open your own clinic and can become millionaires in few months...
I know a doctor and when his family began looking for his rishta, he specifically asked them to avoid looking for a doctor. So, in this case he actually didn't want to marry a doctor at all...he wasn't even open to the suggestion.
I guess when doctors do look for other doctors it could be down to having a better understanding between the couple. Perhaps they feel their partner would be able to understand and relate to just how demanding their job is if they are going through the same thing.
Its a very nice thing to be able to discuss your day in more than laymen's terms. Its also a blessing to be married to one who truly understands the work, how the day goes, the effects of when things go especially right or especially wrong. Doctors, technical people and fields that require long hours or odd hours can be especially hard on a marriage so to have a spouse who truly "gets it" is an advantage for sure.
Once I was just discussing a though regarding my daughter memorizing (hifz) Quran shareef. So someone said to me that then it would be very difficult for her to find a rishta because then she should preferably marry a hafiz-e-Quran.
I guess when doctors do look for other doctors it could be down to having a better understanding between the couple. Perhaps they feel their partner would be able to understand and relate to just how demanding their job is if they are going through the same thing.
+1
Also, doctor's work long and odd hours and are not always around to entertain the spouse. Perhaps only another doctor would fully understand.
i'm a doc ... i specifically didn't want a doc ... so chose outside of that.
my sis is a doc ... she would prefer a doc ... why? ... similarity of lifestyle/understanding of stresses/bad hours that come with the profession.
I can not tell you how many times friends, family ... non medical associates ... heck even my husband says ... just take the day off or just leave early for party/sickness/whatever ... and no one except a fellow doc understands that ... we just can not do that. At least not in USA.
patients always come first. sometimes even before family ... certainly before self and yup even off-duty.
Has nothing to do with finances ... though this is a very common misconception.
I can't understand the logic behind this to be honest - I think it's mainly done because they want someone of a similar status to themselves. I'm a city professional and never wanted someone from the same profession as myself. I want to talk about work with my work colleagues and come home to something else. Work talk isn't exactly riveting and I definitely don't want to engage in it with my future husband!
cheegum’s reply is the only one that makes sense. I know some of you think you may understand what a doc’s life/training is like but you have no clue. Even the smartest of you can barely begin to understand the level of stress and the level of time commitment. I know docs married to docs and docs married to non-docs. Usually if both spouses are docs, they have better understanding. I’m also told that they spend so much time at the hospital in training ( pretty much all their javaani years when others are well married and reproducing) so it’s easier to meet someone at work. You’d also see more of them if they were a fellow doc at the same hospital than if the spouse stayed at home. In fact, one married couple I know with small kids - mom bought them to work every day and took care of them from her office and on days she had to see patients, they were dropped off at the hospital daycare: as soon as she was done with work, she would go see her kids and bring them to the office while she did paperwork. And the husband pitched in and did the same. So both daughters got a lot of attention from parents, which desis would think is impossible with two doctors as parents.
Surgeons and the surgical specialties are even more bound to the hospital. A lot of them marry fellow docs they meet at work. Or nurses. The nurses are always on the lookout for docs.
Honestly, it’s not because they’re greedy for more income. Docs have a lot of liability so from that standpoint, some docs DONT want to marry another doc! Financially, you could be asking for ruin. I know a couple of OBs in Miami and their situation is so bad with malpractice. They NEED to put all their wealth in their home and their spouse’s name otherwise when they get sued, all that money is usually taken. And they all get sued at least once down here. It’s because there is a need for tort reform that’s being totally ignored. So those people don’t want to marry a fellow doc or a fellow Ob. They need someone who isn’t gonna run off with their money and someone with low liability to protect their assets.
I think it’s more of a convenience issue - easier to meet people at work since you’re there all the time. And your spouse will better understand the crap you’ve been through and are going through. I have a cousin who was an OB who married a travel agent. He couldn’t get her work and the need for an OB to be overnight at the hospital. His pea sized brain just didn’t get it. Nor did it make any sense to him that he married her on the condition that he wouldn’t stop her career. It was a year into the marriage and he made her drop the job. She regrets not taking proposals from fellow docs at her hospital.
I can't understand the logic behind this to be honest - I think it's mainly done because they want someone of a similar status to themselves. I'm a city professional and never wanted someone from the same profession as myself. I want to talk about work with my work colleagues and come home to something else. Work talk isn't exactly riveting and I definitely don't want to engage in it with my future husband!
Precisely the reason why. A doc couldn't never marry you because you just don't get it. They're working too hard and grueling so much that they don't even get to enjoy their status and by the time they do, they're so old that they don't know what to do with it.
You can be a doc and enjoy status when you get time to be a socialite. Docs sure go to parties but usually they are work related balls, galas, fundraisers etc. Our desis try to make time for dawats but being on call, studying for boards, working on a research protocol, or having to finish up with clinic late often causes you to miss A LOT of dawats. I just invited a group of docs and residents to a party of mine and nearly all are either on call or on a conference or studying for boards right now.
So what status ? They don't get to enjoy any status you give them. They're always neck deep in work. I barely get to see some of my doc friends. I'll see them like 2-3 times a year. So how do you think it feels to be in a different field and married to that?? You come home and guess what? You won't see them.
That's a lot of pressure and docs know that most people can't deal with it. Women maybe will deal with it in exchange for security. Men won't. So female docs are usually more pressed to marry male docs from work. Just so they can see them.
It's been said a few times by a couple of people here, but just to reiterate, it's because of the lifestyle. No matter how understanding the other person is they will never get how tough it can be for a new doctor who is studying or going through their residency. It's not about status...or the money or whatever. It's about knowing that if you don't see your spouse for a couple of days, it's because they're stuck at the hospital, and hopefully when t hey come back they aren't going to expect a "where is my meal woman?" or a "kahan thay itnay din ammi ka phone aya tha woh keh rahin thin keh apnay husband ko pakar kar rakho".
In the same line, it also makes sense why others might not choose to marry a doctor. I've seen it usually with guys, they prefer not to marry a doctor, and rather have someone with another profession (or not, whatever their preference is). They know the stress that comes with it. Similarly, I've seen that the mothers of doctors want their bahu to be a doctor, but the actual guy would not.
I didn't exactly read every one's post so please don't take no offense.
Like half my family is doctors. Some married to doctors some are not.
Just like any other professions. Nothing special. I see this in the west. I mean way ppl think about doctors.
And then west is all about "hua bhara hua ghubara" most of the time. I mean metropolitan part of it... the part we get to see.
I think its just about one thing: Doctors understand doctors better
I'm a doctor and currently doing my training. I specifically asked my family that I didn't want to marry a doctor, while my mom wanted otherwise. The reason I didn't want to marry a doctor was that at times, there is objection to girls doing a job in our society and I didn't want to bound a doctor after she'd spent all her life studying.
Eventually, I agreed to marry a doctor on one count that regarding job or further studies, no one is going to interfere and it would be her and her decision only if she wants to continue or not.
Now I've been happily married to a doctor for the last 6 months and I feel that I made the right choice. I need to stay at hospital at odd hours and I don't think any other girl would have understood that well, as my wife does. She, herself is preparing for fellowship exam. I did request her to choose a field, other than Gyn/Obs. It would've been too hectic.
Poor Ob/gyns. They have such issues finding guys precisely because of that mentality and yet you'd have a fit if a guy was inspecting her vj throughout the pregnancy
As I respect docs and don’t accuse them of being status seekers unlike others here nor need attention 24-7 like a vain peacock and have enough on my plate to keep me busy, and since people who are in medicine are like that it is no surprise that things are working out with people in the medical field better than with guys who sit at home all day and promise to cook for me like the last shmuck I spoke to who was interested in doing no work and having his wife provide for him.
For anyone who isn’t interested in a status seeker I can happily give you his reference since the rest of us are only interested in status.
What mentality? sigh you haven't changed, have you ? PCG
My point of view and may I add, my spouse fully agreed that if one person is ruining his life, the other one didn't need to ruin her ( especially when she had a chance )
I've got plenty of gynaecologists in my family
Btw I think doctors marrying other doctors is a great idea . As everyone mentioned that only they can understand each other better , plus the smell of medicine no ordinary person can take it . And yea their anger especially when they are tired . No one can take that either . One thing I have noticed that male doctors are usually more polite as compare to female ones . May be being a woman and on the top of it being a doctor makes them so cranky .
Its nothing to do with the profession of your spouse. Its to do with how understanding they are; a quality that no degree can teach you. My khala was a secondary school teacher, her husband is an opthamologist, currently working in 3 different hospitals (rotating around everyday, on shifts) and also operating his own private practice. And Mashallah the marriage couldn't have been any more successful.
Also, Is medicine the only career thats so stressful?
What about a police officer? A forensic investigator? I was watching on TV the other day this detective was involved in a brutal case investigation that lead to his divorce! That wasn't because his wife wasn't a detective herself.. in my opinion its because the spouse isn't willing to co-operate at all... the spouse isn't willing to put up with the husband coming home late... they are simply not understanding by nature... and they would be the same even if they were a doctor, detective, teacher or whatever...
cheegum’s reply is the only one that makes sense. I know some of you think you may understand what a doc’s life/training is like but you have no clue. Even the smartest of you can barely begin to understand the level of stress and the level of time commitment. I know docs married to docs and docs married to non-docs. Usually if both spouses are docs, they have better understanding. I’m also told that they spend so much time at the hospital in training ( pretty much all their javaani years when others are well married and reproducing) so it’s easier to meet someone at work. You’d also see more of them if they were a fellow doc at the same hospital than if the spouse stayed at home. In fact, one married couple I know with small kids - mom bought them to work every day and took care of them from her office and on days she had to see patients, they were dropped off at the hospital daycare: as soon as she was done with work, she would go see her kids and bring them to the office while she did paperwork. And the husband pitched in and did the same. So both daughters got a lot of attention from parents, which desis would think is impossible with two doctors as parents.