A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
Re: Doctor....Funnies
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed.
“Yes, they used to be,” remorsed the patient.
Re: Doctor....Funnies
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a** “massive internal fart.”**
Re: Doctor....Funnies
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now your left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Re: Doctor....Funnies
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read, “Keep off the grass.” Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”
Re: Doctor....Funnies
Some of doctor notes in actual charts............
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he
was feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes
to his feet.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
completely disappeared.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have
suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when
he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need
disposition, and therefore we will get Dr.____ to dispose of him.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant
with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original
complaints.
Have A Nice Day!
Re: Doctor…Funnies
^^:confused:
Re: Doctor…Funnies
kyon bus karo?..aap ko khoy takleef hai kya?
Re: Doctor…Funnies
I think (not sure) those doctors who are trained abroad can better understand lines
I presented.
Re: Doctor....Funnies
funny