do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..

[redvelvet]

Re: do you tell your spouse everything that happens in your own family..

@nadz123

im ready to rip into him again, its taking me time to calm down, i know im wrong too, i shouldnt expect this, but why am i feeling so crap that he couldnt tell me if he knows, is this normal, has anyhone else experienced this, or just stuff you dont tell each other that happens within your own families…

1. The aunt has to go back to “discuss” things…so this rishta isn’t even concrete or final. It’s far from being a commitment. It’s up in the air. It’s a hypothetical situation right now. Maybe that’s ONE possible reason why your husband hasn’t said anything about it. Perhaps he might discuss it if the rishta became more serious. And I know people like that…who prefer to keep quiet or mum (yes, even with relatives) about a rishta…that’s nothing more than two families meeting for the first time…that hasn’t developed into anything serious. No big deal.

2. You husband was at work. Maybe he didn’t feel like discussing it because …he was at work and didn’t have the time. Maybe he felt that if he talked to you about it…that you’d ask him one question after another…leading to a long phone conversation…that he cannot have…because he’s busy at work.

3. You did recently create a thread where you mentioned being upset about your husband’s lack of interest in spending on your family. You also said that you and him “were not talking” regarding this issue. PERHAPS…your husband is still upset over that argument…or he hasn’t moved on from it well enough to discuss a new family topic with you. Maybe he senses or feels that you don’t care much about his family…and is hesitant to share news with you.

4. You didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, Nadz. You don’t even know why the reason why he didn’t tell you about the rishta…all you can make is assumptions…and you were ready to “rip into him.” Now perhaps your feelings are a result of the pregnancy and your hormones being out of whack. OR MAYBE…you had a tendency to blow things out of proportion even before becoming pregnant. And maybe that could also be a reason why your husband didn’t feel like sharing with you. And it’s a possibility that makes sense. It’s human nature. If we notice that someone makes an issue over every little thing…or can’t be open-minded/patient/tolerant about things…we become selective over what news we want to share with them. I know I’ve done that. Many of us do that. So…your own behavior (making a mountain out of molehills) could be affecting your relationship. If it hasn’t now…then it could in the future. It won’t be doing wonders for your health…especially when you’re pregnant. And…getting impatient/worked up over everything can’t be good for your iman either.

5. You’ve mentioned more complaints about your in-laws than compliments. You’ve griped more than gushed about them. You’re not close to your MIL or your SIL. I might even understand if you and your SIL were super “tight”…and in that case, the secrecy might seem more offensive. But since you’re not even close to being best buds with her…why get so worked up? I don’t think it’s the rishta news itself that’s bugging you. I think you fear the idea of your husband being more close to his own family. I vaguely recall you creating a thread on this. It’s like you fear that you’ll be “excluded” or be an “outsider” if he doesn’t share everything with you that they (his family) already know about…irrespective of whether or not you even like his folks.