do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

First of all, no one should say that you dont have stress because you dont have children. Stress is relative to each individuals own life and single and married women can feel equally stressed out for different reasons.

Working is stressful and being a stay at home mom is also stressful. However, if I had a choice, I would love to go to work instead of being cooped up the whole day long doing monotonous chores day in day out. The stress of work is countered by the social interaction and sense of usefulness felt at work. I think the monotony and tedium of staying at home and raising children offers less balance and that is why married women with kids may sound more whiney.

I envy my single sisters, who both are extremely hard working, because though their life is stressful at their jobs...when they come home they can relax. My mom cooks and cleans the house so they have nothing else to do.

Moms dont get to relax. We are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. My hubby comes home from work after a long day and just flops in front of the TV and thats it for the day. He will not lift a finger after that. I, on the other hand have stopped watching TV as I cant sit a watch a half an hour show without the little one wanting attention. I seem to spend at least half my day in the kitchen, cooking or cleaning. My day doesnt end until the work does so even if I have the little one in bed, I still cant relax. Now its time to help the older ones with homework, finish ironing, laundry and cleaning up the kitchen for the night. I go to bed every day around midnight and wake up every morning around 6.00am to get my oldest ready for school.

And someone commented earlier, who cleans every day? I do. When you have children, it is impossible to maintain a clean home unless you take care of it daily. And that frustrates me as well. I hate the feeling that all I ever do is cook and clean, cook and clean, cook and clean.

I miss having friends to talk to daily at work. I miss being able to go out with a kid or two in tow. I miss feeling valued and wanted and an important asset of a team. I miss having those casual gatherings with siblings/family and just having a great time laughing and joking etc. I miss feeling like I actually have a life.

OH! AND......Thats why women with kids are whiney!!

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

We have a lot of convenience items today that make it much easier to do our jobs - dishwasher, vacuum, washing machines, etc. I think sometimes we take on too much or over do it. I do not cook every night unless the outlaws are here, I freeze some ahead of time, and my kids are responsible for some of the house cleaning. It honestly just takes a little planning and scheduling. We do "zones" at our house to make sure that the deep cleaning is done regularly, every week is a different area (flylady).

Some women have a martyrdom complex about housework - oh, I am work soooo hard to clean the house, it takes soooo much of my time. Give it a rest. I agree with AE, obviously some women are unable to multitask - if that's the case, give up your job or hire some help. If you have kids over the age of 7 or 8, they are old enough to help out a little.

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

everything you said is true, BUT a man's idea of "house work" is very different from a woman's idea of it. for eg., how often did you change your bed sheets and pillow cases? does a sofa with a slightly crooked pillow bother you?

my point is, women seem to endlessly seek out and produce house work out of nowhere. take it easy ladies. be a little sloppy. live a little.

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

**

[quote="wildhalcyon, post:62, topic:198376"]

Fir
Working is stressful and being a stay at home mom is also stressful. However, if I had a choice, I would love to go to work instead of being cooped up the whole day long doing monotonous chores day in day out. The stress of work is countered by the social interaction and sense of usefulness felt at work. I think the monotony and tedium of staying at home and raising children offers less balance and that is why married women with kids may sound more whiney.**

i totally agree.. i feel i had more control over my life when i was working, i had a routine and everything worked like clockwork...i gave up work when i was expecting my 3rd child, since then feel that i am always struggling to stay on top of things, i suppose the fact that my youngest is a monster doesn't help

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

LOL
hey just read all your comments, what i meant to say was that my cousins moan their heads off not to me, just generally about how tiring it is to have 1 CHILD and do housework....older generations had more than 3 r or 5 kids and managed to cope.
ANWAYS if i didnt post such a entertaining threads, then where would we be?......................................

AND NJMASTI thas so sad about your child, its worrying that at times, theres nothing you can do to stop them falling or hurting themselves, even when they get older you always think, if only i did this or that it wouldnt have happened my lil brother when he was a few months old fell down the stairs, and alhumdulillah he was ok, not even one scratch......he somehoe rolld himself nearer the top of the stairs and somehow rolled a good few meters cos he ws nowhere near the door, mum had just changed his nappy and had turned around to put the nappy in bin and wash her hands.....
same for my nieces and nephews etc all kids go through falls, so anyway i guess now you know the theme of my next question...lol

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

^lol I can SO relate!!! I used to work endless hours and be on call when not working...yet my apartment was sparkly clean, my laundry done on time, everything in its proper place. AND time for myself for a monthly manicure, an evening out, time to just relax and read a book.

I have no complaints at all about being a stay-home mom. Wouldnt have it any other way. Yet its so much harder than I ever thought it would be. The monotony, the endless repetition of things that need to get done, the lack of adult socializing (even tho I'm kind of a loner anyway) and the fact that there is never a "day off", you can never call in sick when you're a mom lol....its a really tough job. So if I blow steam every now and then, thats just what it is - blowing steam. I'd not trade my "job" for all the gold in china (or whatever that saying is)...I just need to blow steam occasionally.

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

Older generations lived in extended family environments where the entire family (elders and older cousins etc) took responsibility for all the children.

Times were also simpler back then. In Pakistan, you had servants for everything. My mother in law tells me that even the storekeepers would come to their home with groceries and fabrics and even jewelry so they never needed to go out.

Women were more relaxed because they had so much help but nowadays its a different story.

I have no family nearby let alone living with me to help me take care of my kids. I dont know any ayas, kaamwalis or babysitters so I have to keep an eye constantly on my children.

I drive my kids everywhere, school, afterschool activities, volunteer work, the mall, grocery store, errands etc.. and I have a minimum of one child with me. What should take me only 30-40 minutes takes at least two or three hours because you spend at least half your time constantly regrouping the family of wanderers. Shopping for myself has become a thing of the past and I no longer have a sense of fashion because I cant get the time for myself anymore. Oh ..and this is in addition to all the household chores I am supposed to also take care of!

And I am supposed to be a mind reader and figure out why my son is having a 45 minute tantrum that is so high pitched that my ears feel like they are going to burst. I clean up about 20 messes and oops I had an accident moments as well as the trail of toys left everywhere. I have to help the kids with their homework, deal with their school issues, their friend issues and their attitude problems whilst trying to entertain a 3 year old who wants to climb a bookshelf because I am not paying attention to him...and stir the handi at the same time!!

I would tell you to take care of your cousins childrens and her house for a day to spend a day in her shoes to get an idea of what its like. We arent born natural mothers and people alway assume that babies were born with a baby manual. Well sorry, but I only pushed out kids, no books so its always a learning curve as we spend so much time correcting ourselves and how to raise the children properly. Being a mom and a housewife is a very tiring job and the biggest negative is the lack of reward or acknowledgment we get for all our efforts. (Thats why I want to work..at least there you get praise when you do something good..you get bonuses for consistently good work and your work is probably not monotonous or boring)

(Yes..this is a sensitive topic for me at the moment because just this morning as I walked downstairs, I had to pick up my 3 year olds clothes from the lobby where he changed into his new nightsuit, throwing tags and plastic bags on the floor and hangers, even though he was given specific instruction to wait for mummy to help him). There I saw the living room with both of my older childrens shoes sprawled, plates and empty snack wrappers on all the coffee and endtables and pizza sauce on the carpet. Walked into the kitchen and my kitchen again is full of unclean plates with empty drink boxes on top which my lazy kids hadnt bothered to throw into the bin and stuff lying around that had been pulled out of the oven but not put back. And this was the welcome I got at 7.00am as I came down to take my son to school. Even after constant lectures and taking away their stuff to initiate some help, I still feel like a servant, not a mom!)

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

hey InshAllah it will get better, my youngest is 20 months old and a handful but my 4 and 8 year old really help me...they will clean up after themselves and tidy their toys...i think they've just had enough of my screaming.....

You will have days when you feel down but try and keep positive, i know its hard, being a stay at home mum but at least you have the time for your kids, when you are working you always feel guilty that you are not there for the kids, especially when they are ill...

i drive my kids everywhere too... i feel as if i live on the roads, and its difficult when i have my little man in tow...we should no longer be called stay at home mums, we should also have the title of taxi drivers

Timepass - March 2013
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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

good point queer…i tell myself to be that way all the time @ taking it easy. Im really anal when it comes to housework and I have to have everything perfect…worse part is if someone else does it, it’s never good enough. I HAVE to do it all myself. :bummer:

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

see this is the problem with us women, we make our lives harder ourselves…we need to chill out a bit…easier said than done

History Mystery- Part 3
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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

yes yes…i know i know. and yes it is easier said then done.

im a perfectionist…it’s a bad thing IMO. :bummer:

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

lol weren't you just the other day? :]

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

There was a cool kids-club called the womens liberation movement.

History Mystery- Part 3
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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

interesting topic,

I think its a number of factors

1) More women in careers vs. stay at home
2) Nuclear families means less help- dont have family to help
3) Distances- you spend a lot of time commuting for work, as well as for other things.
4) More expensive domestic help, rather expensive to have a daily maid (maasi in Pakistan is a whole diff issue)
5) More active individually - social, cultural, health activities- so time crnuch
6) More active as a family and in divergent activities- so you are spending time from place to place, drop one kid for soccer, another for scouts, another for karate, and then pick them up.
7) additional things u have to worry about like sunday islamic school.

There is a lot of running around, some of it is one's own doing, u can decrease social events, you can decrease activities, but at some time the question becomes quality of life, u can have a sparkling home, lavish meals, but no time to pursue anything of personal interest.

but it has its pressures and ppl complain, just like ppl in top unis complain, or ppl in great jobs still complain.

when we compare it to a bygone era where there was more help, less responsibilities, of course in comparison it will seem like women and complaining more.

Lets just say the amount of moaning is directly proportional to the amount of reponsibility/effort and stress

the bigger issue as I have seen is when shehzaday think of wonder years when they were kids and how ther home was managed, how they had 3 brnad new items for each meal with fresh homemade chapati etc, while forgetting that their mother was at home and had maasi, dhobi and a general servent in many cases, while their wives are working, running errands, taking kids for this and that, and have no or inimal family help.

they are more than justified to moan and groan then.

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

I loved your breakdown analysis, in fact your entire analysis. I would like to add one more reasoning if you dont mind.

Cultural assimiliation. Pakistani men married Pakistani women and each had fixed notions about roles and responsibilities according to society. For example, in Pakistan men tend to dominate society and their role seems to be to simply earn the money for the house. It was the womans role to cook, clean and nurture the children.

However, those roles have been rewritten with Western influences in places like Pakistan allowing women to start working outside of the home etc. Another problem is the intermarrying of people raised in two different cultures. If the girl is raised from a western culture, her thinking about her role is very different than what the Pakistani raised husband is expecting.

This cultural assimiliation has created overlaps and melding of boundaries thereby just adding to the entire confusion of a womans role. I personally dont think its my 'job' to cook and clean and raise kids. I believe God didnt give me a brain to do menial tasks that require no thinking. Ask my hubby and he will tell you something very different!(the MCP!)

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

Wildh, while I agree with most of what you're saying, it really doesnt hold very true in the west. I am one of those wives lucky enough in these days and times to be able to stay home with my littles while they're young. In order to assure their futures though, I will return to the working world once they're all in school.

I LOVE being home with them and wouldnt have it any other way. And I'm gori born and raised. And the other goris that I worked with were all green with envy when I "retired" to be home with my family.

For sure, having a family is a multi-faceted role for both husband and wife. And traditionally, its the husband who works outside the home, the wife who works inside the home. Those roles for sure have developed and changed due to the changing times and the increase in the cost of living.

But either way, I'm so glad and so is my hubby, that we know I could earn a living for our boys and not have to rely on a man if God forbid something should happen to my hubby. I can be quite self-sufficient, I've proven that and can do it again if the need should arise. Ideally, we will win lotto and I'll never need to return to the working world and will still have enough funds to send boyz to any college of their choice and to get them nicely started on their own independent lives. Thats my fondest wish and prayer as it is for the majority of parents - gori or desi - that I know.

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

Though I wasnt physically born in UK, I have practically lived my entire life there and consider myself English more than Pakistani (Oops..hope that doesnt get me kicked off this forum for not being Pakistani enough!).

I married a Pakistani born and bred man and having been raised in a traditional home, I automatically donned the apron and assumed the role of the dutiful wife and shortly after as a mom. I loved being a mom when my kids were little and even now its my 3 year old that makes each day worth while.

But after 17 years of being at home and STILL cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids with absolutely no help from hubby or my two teens, I am absolutely fed up of being at home and am probably the biggest whiner about it.

I had my first two in my early twenties, so perhaps it was naivety or youth that allowed me to enjoy time with them. But now I just dont want to be home building blocks and constantly chasing after him to keep an eye on the 3 year old. I no longer want him to be literally glued to my hip. I have never had a babysitter other than the occasional time I went to visit my family back home in England so its the lack of a break that is building up all this frustration inside me.

I am happy to hear that you are enjoying motherhood but that is probably because you have a great balanced relationship with hubby and kids and also a balanced life when you get to have time with them but also time for yourself.

By the way, to the original poster. That is the key to not whining about daily stress- Get a balanced life where you nurture your family but at the same time nurture your own sanity by doing things away from them!

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

im finding, the wives/mothers who have hubbies that help out and acknowledge their work, dont complain as much

hence, maybe its the men that need changing.. and who need to maybe acknowledge their wives now and then to make them feel like super women again? i dunno

i complain now and then, but not about the things i have to do... i know they're both mine and his responsibilities and we do share quite a few things. We both work (am part-time from this week.. woohooo!!!!!!! khair), but obviously when we get ome, we take on different responsibilities... im prob taking care of the food and getting the daughter all cleaned up... while he may actually spend time with the daughter just keeping her entertained...

but at the end of the day, if i get some kind of appreciation from him, it makes the world of a difference. Really... maybe thats all what we women need?

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

For single moms, it's even more challenging. Not only are they working but they also have to raise the kids and manage the house. Different scenarios.

Divorce is more common now than it was decades ago. In single parent households, household responsibilities can be harder to split and balance out.

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Re: do you find that women nowadays moan more about housework than times gone by?

^ yeah im pretty sure it would be hard

but, im just thinking from my own experience and from SAHMs that i know of... ive found that where the hubby actually helps, the wive complains less about the things she has to do..

Yes, I admit i always point out that my life is really busy with a kid and trying to manage a house and work, but i dont have complaints about it. I wish it were more organised, but both the hubz and i acknowledge that with our lifestyle, even how it is at moment, is an accomplishment

and to be honest, if the hubz didnt say nice things to me now and then, id prob be a very whiny wife (im sure theres loads of people here who already think i am one though :D)