What you do when you have a friend who is so good giving islamic lectures, keep secrets,and want secrets from everyone.But when the time comes she is hiding something from you and all the time you are thinking that she is your good friend.Like I mean not other people’s secrets but her own life secrets and you get to know from another person and you feel awkward that she didn’t tell you.
Here is the scenrio I have a friend who is good,islamic always giving lectures on what is right and what is wrong and you keep sharing things with her.When her time comes she is very secretive and doesn’t share anything and you come to know something big like engagement from another people.So I am feeling little betrayed now and thinking how “ghunni” is she always using you for her own purposes and when its your turn you just hide everything.This thread is about disscussion how you feel about that betrayed or fool or may be its her right that she can hide certain things.I don’t feel right because I told her many things and she used me and I ignored her that its okay I am her friend but now she is hiding something. Do I need to tell her?:aq: because it will break my other friend’s trust and I don’t wanna do that or should I leave her?
Any suggestions:chai:
Re: Do you feel betrayed?
First of all, you should be a bit careful in who you talk to. Islamic or non-islamic, there should be very few people you should trust completely. We all have to learn what limits to set with whom.
Secondly, hopefully she didn't share your 'secrets' with anyone.
Third, no, don't feel bad and don't react because you don't know the circumstances why she chose to tell someone else about her engagement. Just because you confide in someone doesn't mean it's a two way street as much as you'd like it to be.
Now that you are aware of this person's nature, be careful in the future.
Re: Do you feel betrayed?
Unfortunately the trust wasn't a completely two way street. I would talk to her, but don't take it too personally. She may just be a more personal/introverted/shy person.
Re: Do you feel betrayed?
UZ...as long as she didnt share your secrets with anyone...I dont see a problem. Some people are a bit reserved and are not comfortable talking about their secrets and/or pvt life.
Like niksik said...just because you share your secrets doesnt mean the other person will do the same.
I wouldnt talk about it with her ....just let it go and refrain from telling her your secrets.
UZ,
I have a couple of friends like that whom I’ve been very open with…but they don’t reveal much about themselves. But I also know that they have been raised that way. Their moms are secretive as well and FIRMLY instilled this quality in their own daughters…to reveal little about themselves to protect family reputation.
When I realized that they are hiding things…I was upset…but then I also realized that they didn’t always encourage me to be open about my life. Some people are naturally more open then others. I happened to be the more open one in my relationships and I didn’t always discriminate between what I should share about myself and what I shouldn’t.
I’ve learned a lesson though UZ…you can’t trust everyone. Sometimes, even the most seemingly TRUSTWORTHY person…can accidentally reveal something about you to a third party. And before you know it…many people will know about your personal life. Don’t be so mad at your friend. Understand that you are NOT OBLIGATED to share everything about your life…and neither is she. Even if she invites you to share about yourself…you don’t have to do it. And it’s **better **to be careful about what you reveal to others…because I’ve learned that even the most trustworthy of friends can accidentally reveal your secrets. And often times…people learn this lesson the hard way.
Let it go, continue being a friend, and be more careful about what you wish to share.
Re: Do you feel betrayed?
oh I would totally feel betrayed.
I would feel betrayed if she had “another” best friend besides me - that I did not know of
(It’s Friday night - just chillin don’t take me too serious)
but ye I would feel left out about the engagement part.
Actually, oneof my friend went to Pakistan and she did not even tell me! and I see her often!.. but anyways, I am NOT angry at her. I am not going to tell her why you left without telling me… and all that crap… because I respect privacy. So what if she did not tell me?.. really does not matter… we just have to learn to let go. You see, when she comes back she will feel GUILTY herself for not telling me.. and I am so positive she will start out with “oh I’m so sorry but I was in a rush” :halo:lol
who cares - I will wait for that moment. You wait for your moment too when your friend thinks it’s time to tell you.
No biggie. There is no betrayal.
Re: Do you feel betrayed?
I am allergic to self righteous mullas (including she-mullas), there is always something twisted about them.
i think u shd learn from this experience and be careful, perhaps find a new friend who is trust worthy
First of all, you should be a bit careful in who you talk to. Islamic or non-islamic, there should be very few people you should trust completely. We all have to learn what limits to set with whom.
Secondly, hopefully she didn't share your 'secrets' with anyone.
Third, no, don't feel bad and don't react because you don't know the circumstances why she chose to tell someone else about her engagement. Just because you confide in someone doesn't mean it's a two way street as much as you'd like it to be.
Now that you are aware of this person's nature, be careful in the future.
Hmm so you are saying that person is not trustworthy because as far I understand your post you are saying that its not necessary that she should tell me her secret.
Anyways I have to wait for her until she tells me about her engagement.But its a big thing and people knows about it.
Unfortunately the trust wasn't a completely two way street. I would talk to her, but don't take it too personally. She may just be a more personal/introverted/shy person.
May be but then why she wants to get everone's secrets?
UZ...as long as she didnt share your secrets with anyone...I dont see a problem. Some people are a bit reserved and are not comfortable talking about their secrets and/or pvt life.
Like niksik said...just because you share your secrets doesnt mean the other person will do the same.
I wouldnt talk about it with her ....just let it go and refrain from telling her your secrets.
But if I talk to her about her engagement then it will break my other friend's trust and that is not good because I love my other friend too.
UZ,
I have a couple of friends like that whom I've been very open with...but they don't reveal much about themselves. But I also know that they have been raised that way. Their moms are secretive as well and FIRMLY instilled this quality in their own daughters....to reveal little about themselves to protect family reputation.
When I realized that they are hiding things...I was upset....but then I also realized that they didn't always encourage me to be open about my life. Some people are naturally more open then others. I happened to be the more open one in my relationships and I didn't always discriminate between what I should share about myself and what I shouldn't.
I've learned a lesson though UZ....you can't trust everyone. Sometimes, even the most seemingly TRUSTWORTHY person...can accidentally reveal something about you to a third party. And before you know it....many people will know about your personal life. Don't be so mad at your friend. Understand that you are NOT OBLIGATED to share everything about your life....and neither is she. Even if she invites you to share about yourself...you don't have to do it. And it's **better **to be careful about what you reveal to others....because I've learned that even the most trustworthy of friends can accidentally reveal your secrets. And often times....people learn this lesson the hard way.
Let it go, continue being a friend, and be more careful about what you wish to share.
Yeah I learned it hard way RV because people always listen and they can't hold it.
***Ume -Z ppl who betray your trust and go behind ur back and twist ur words to suit their own purposes are not worthy of being called friends ! ***
***Some ppl are just in the habit of sniffing around for details about others private lives in order to use it either to their own advantage or against you later and the best thing u can do is remove urself from thier unhealthy presence because not only will they betray u at some point but also break up ur other friendships by using what u’ve said to them . ***
Such ppl play all innocent and righteous acts to fool others in order to achieve their own ends. Only God will deal with them .
Same applies to ur friend now that U knoe this , how much more could she have kept from you ? My advice stay away from her ,she is bad news !
I am still waiting for her to come and tell me.
May be I should marry
Re: Do you feel betrayed?
Ume...a few things:
There are only 3 friends of mine who know everything about me...and I know everything about them. These are my best friends who would do anything for me and I for them. Moral of the story: not everyone is trust worthy and should know personal things about you. You need to be just as selective as she is about your secrets/confidences.
You dont know the circumstances under which your friend revealed her engagement...or do you? Maybe she was put in a situation in which she had no choice? Since you guys are friends and you havent spoken to her, I think you should give her the benefit of doubt for now. Dont think anything until she comes to you to tell you. There may be nothing to this at all...give her a chance to talk to you first.
Someone mentioned this above as well and its true. You will come across people who are really private. Meaning, they can be there for you and be great friends when you need them or want to unload but dont have the ability to rely on anyone else in their time of need. Im one of those people...if I have a problem...I dont run to anyone to fix it or help me with it until I figure out what Im going to do about it first. However, Im more then willing to help anyone else anytime they need me. If her not telling you things is pattern behavior, this might be it.
Dont be upset with her yet Ume...give her some time to tell you. :)