My husband and I were talking about a relative that is having some issues with her husband and how she has turned to her MIL and told her what is happening in the hopes that her MIL will ‘fix’ her husband (Mils son).
My husband told me that it’s common in Pakistan for girls to confide in or turn to their mil when they are having issues with their husband.
Would you confide in your mil if you were having issues with yor husband?
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
Probably not. My MIL is a total sweetheart, but I still won't dare hint that her son may be in the wrong (he's totally her laadla beta). I won't confide in my mom either though, because she would naturally take my side and it may result in her having negative feelings about my husband. I'm a firm believer in spouses sorting out their issues on their own if at all possible. If the situation needs to be escalated, it needs to go to a non-biased party like a trustworthy family friend or a religious leader.
do you confide in your MIL?
Nope. I did once and never agiain. As usual her son can do no wrong and she made a big deal out of nothing.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
I'd feel very, very hesitant about involving an outsider like a trusted family friend or a religious leader. No matter how trustworthy you find them to be, you cannot totally eliminate the risk of a leak; even an accidental one. I don't like it when scholars or muftis or imams share anonymous anecdotes in their online (youtube) or real-life khutbahs about how so n so a person from the local community approached them with such n such a problem. Although the identity is not revealed, I always wonder if the individual that is being anonymously discussed recognizes that it's about them and if so, it would still be embarrassing and people may start guessing who it could be about. Your mother-in-law may be very defensive of her son and very biased in her stance, but at least the affair will most likely stay within the family unless she's a gossip.
I don't know how common confiding in mil is or whether it's a strictly "back-home" Pakistani thing. Maybe it's more common in cousin-marriages where MIL is also an aunt and there was a pre-existing familiarity and comfort level. There are times when things do get pretty bad and when all other attempts to sort it privately have repeatedly failed, then parental intervention can be looked into. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it backfires. I don't think it's wise to involve MIL early on in the marriage where you barely know her and she hardly knows you. It takes time to develop rapport and trust. But again, it's best to keep conflicts b/w you and your spouse and avoid involving EITHER set of parents/siblings for every single issue, especially minor ones. Sometimes the more people you involve, it gets messy. You may end up feeling more confused about whose advice to follow. Plus a parent or sibling's natural and vehement defensiveness may fuel the existing negativity u feel toward your spouse. Too many cooks can spoil a soup.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
No. I very rarely, if ever, even confided in my own mother of my husband and I were having problems...mother in law tho bahot dhoor ki baat hai lol. And plus, we're not close at all so having any type of personal or intimate conversation with my mil wouldn't ever happen.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
Nope. I did once and never agiain. As usual her son can do no wrong and she made a big deal out of nothing.
I did once too and that was last time and will never ever in my life.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
never to confide in MIL regardless of how close you are or how good she is. its worst thing you can do. Her can not be wrong or do wrong. It is you and will always be you.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
Depends on the mother in law and the daughter in law. I most probably wouldn't confide in my MIL. But my SIL complains to my mom when my brother and her get into a big fight. My mom usually takes her side and yells at my brother. It usually is his fault though. But my mom is not the type who will always think that her son can do no wrong. She's quite the opposite and scolds the one who is at fault (which is usually my brother).
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
Depends on the mother in law and the daughter in law. I most probably wouldn't confide in my MIL. But my SIL complains to my mom when my brother and her get into a big fight. My mom usually takes her side and yells at my brother. It usually is his fault though. But my mom is not the type who will always think that her son can do no wrong. She's quite the opposite and scolds the one who is at fault (which is usually my brother).
This is how it is with me, my mum sticks up for SIL, whereas with my MIL her son can do no wrong, even if its happening right in her face.
I think mothers should take side with the truth and what the situation is, they shouldn't just take sides with their kids, such a desi thing!
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
You have to be chaar qadam aagay of your mil. Don’t confide in her. Get HER to confide in you. And then use her secrets against her 
Muawhahaha. I’m j/k by the way. 
Yeah not a good idea to invite in-laws or even your own parents into your spousal jhagray unless it’s something very serious and after you’ve exhausted your efforts. And even then, you have to word it carefully. With the more delicate rishtay, you have to start off with reassurances and positive words so as to “cushion” the discussion before getting to the main point. Also, you really have to be careful. If mil backs her bahu up a few times, she may not do it all the time. That parental defensiveness can kick-in if it hadn’t before. So better to use discretion and avoid making this kind of ‘confiding’ a habit. Keeping arguments private maintains your partner’s self-respect and image and trust. Not doing so can lead to resentment and more tensions. But, it also depends on the circumstances.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
This is how it is with me, my mum sticks up for SIL, whereas with my MIL her son can do no wrong, even if its happening right in her face.
I think mothers should take side with the truth and what the situation is, they shouldn't just take sides with their kids, such a desi thing!
Remember Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond? She was no desi, lol. I hated that show btw.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
I confide in mine but she's not desi.. I confide in my dad as well.. I trust them both and know they can handle both the good and the bad.. They're not into game playing or family politics either..
My dad's not biased and will tell me if he thinks I'm in the wrong, likewise hubby's mum will tend to be objective as well.. I do think many (inc other members of my family) don't fall into that category when it comes to these situations tho..
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
lol. why would you do that? thats like rule 1 of desi mil-dil manual.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
No. I confide in NO ONE about my marriage.
I will ask for advice in specific situations so I don't act irrationally...anger will do that to you...but other than that...nothing.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
She didnt confide but she told her in hopes his mothers chappal might do some magic
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
My MIL and I do not speak the same languages- therefore, no I do not confide in her. Even if I could communicate properly with her I would not confide in her. My hubby and her are not close so nothing she says really impacts him lol. On the other hand, I do confide in FIL occasionally (only when the situation warrants it) and he is a champion in siding with me each and every time :D plus hubby is more affected by his father's words and opinion of him so it works out better :))
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
No. I confide in NO ONE about my marriage.
I will ask for advice in specific situations so I don't act irrationally...anger will do that to you...but other than that...nothing.
But how are you able to seek specific advice without confiding? Is the key to just present your listener with a "hypothetical" situation?
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
But how are you able to seek specific advice without confiding? Is the key to just present your listener with a "hypothetical" situation?
Hypothetical or take a few minutes and think about it first. Meaning take a step back and think about your actions and the other party's.
If you must confide, do it in someone who will not just side with you...and never confide in MIL or your own mother...always in someone who will not hesitate to set you straight if you're wrong.
If I have issues, I don't tell my mom, sisters or anyone. I will blog to let it out and get perspective from friends or I will take time to think about things. Once you have time to think about it, your initial anger begins to subside and you are able to see the bigger picture.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
Girls back home do tend to confide in their MILs when the relationship is good. I know this because my sister (who is mA very smart) did that once, and later told me that she will never do so again.
Alhamdulillah, I have an amazing MIL- so much so that she tells my husband to do chores if I'm tired and totally takes my side even without me asking for it. But iA I will never confide in her esp. re: my spousal issues, and the reason being: it's almost unfair to ask her to step out of her motherly role and side with me. She may be able to do it once, twice or 5 times- but she will stop at some point and blame you. I would rather not get there.
Re: do you confide in your MIL?
i confide in my MIL all the time.