Re: Do you allow anyone else to scold your child?
As a teacher I have seen several parents get in my face about scolding their kid…imagine what their reaction would have been if I had an issued a detention. A mere scolding get some parents’ knickers in a twist and when I explain to them exactly what their precious baby did…they’re silenced because their kid only told one side of the story; the side that presents them as a victim.
It takes a village to raise a child. I hope that I will be okay if my child is scolded by their grandparents, aunts, uncles…a teacher. Children are not always innocent and parents scold children all the time. I don’t think scolding scars a child unless it is infused with insults or gaaliyan…that is unacceptable. But a scolding along the lines of…“buri baat…aisa mat maro…udhar jaa kar khelo…mat haath lagaao…bed par mat koodo…etc etc”…these are not such a huge deal. In my experience, I recall my grandmother scolding me once and once by my chachi and khala. It was not a frequent occurrence.
If the scolding contains curse words or insults…I draw the line and I will address it. I wouldn’t accept a family member hitting my child either or administering punishment. If I notice that someone is scolding my kid often …I would discuss it with them by saying that I’ve noticed them scolding my child a lot and there appears to be no reason for it…and if there’s a concern regarding my child’s behavior…to let me know and I’ll take care of it.
Also, it depends on other factors too. Some folks are just not comfortable with kids. For example they don’t like kids touching things…or making noise…or running around…things that other people tolerate more easily because they see it as normal kid behavior. If it’s an issue like that…I can compromise a bit and tell my kid to use and indoor voice or don’t touch without permission…or walk instead of running.
I don’t quite support the absolute view of no one must ever scold my child. Maybe it’s because I have seen inconsistencies in a school setting. I had a parent once say that irresponsible is like a bad word and should not used be said to her daughter. This was in a middle school in the way. Of course afterward the parent realized her mistake and became all nice…but she had given me a hard time for most of the year with her overprotective and very defensive behavior. And I don’t like this sort of …“koi meray bachay ko kuch nahi keh sakta” attitude…it can be damaging to children; gives them a feeling of entitlement. My own parents didn’t rush to anger or become defensive; they looked at both sides. Perhaps my views will change when I have a child…but for now, these are my two cents.
I agree. And that is why I said, I won’t tolerate the Unnecessary scolding. Rest, I would not mind if someone is correcting my child if he’s doing something wrong. I would never want to keep an attitude of “koi mere bachay ko kuch keh nahin sakta”, it’s just not about them, it’s about the upbringing of my kid. I wouldn’t want him to develop the thought, “main kuch bhi ker sakta hoo kyunke mama mujhay defense kerlengi”…
It’s not only bad for him but for me too in future, to handle him with his such attitude!!