How do you handle a situation where a family member unnecessarily scolds your child and that too constantly?
Since you cannot outright confront them because it would cause too many issues, what is the solution to a situation like that?
Re: Do you allow anyone else to scold your child?
be around your kid when said family member looks like they’re about to start scolding your kid. take your kid with you or talk to the husband so that he talks to said family member. that’s how my mami does it.
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Does it happen all the time?
This happens all the time.
Re: Do you allow anyone else to scold your child?
If it is really unnecessary, not in front of my kid, but I would talk to that person in private. I would convey my concern to him/her in a polite manner, if I see my request has been totally ignored, I would definitely speak to my husband and would want him to discuss with “that” member of the house. Yes, Unnecessarily, I would never tolerate anyone to scold my kid.
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Nope. No one scolds my children even aunts or uncles, grandparents we do not mind, they are free to speak their mind in a wisely grown up manner i.e no gaali galoch type of set-up. If my kid is out of line, or about to touch someone else’s things, behave badly, we (husband and I) step right in and have a ‘talk’ with the child, I like to do it in private so I can explain ‘why you can’t do this and that’ in someone else’s house. Our approach is more ‘gora style’ but this is the mind-set we like to keep in our house for our kids.
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As a teacher I have seen several parents get in my face about scolding their kid…imagine what their reaction would have been if I had an issued a detention. A mere scolding get some parents’ knickers in a twist and when I explain to them exactly what their precious baby did…they’re silenced because their kid only told one side of the story; the side that presents them as a victim.
It takes a village to raise a child. I hope that I will be okay if my child is scolded by their grandparents, aunts, uncles…a teacher. Children are not always innocent and parents scold children all the time. I don’t think scolding scars a child unless it is infused with insults or gaaliyan…that is unacceptable. But a scolding along the lines of…“buri baat…aisa mat maro…udhar jaa kar khelo…mat haath lagaao…bed par mat koodo…etc etc”…these are not such a huge deal. In my experience, I recall my grandmother scolding me once and once by my chachi and khala. It was not a frequent occurrence.
If the scolding contains curse words or insults…I draw the line and I will address it. I wouldn’t accept a family member hitting my child either or administering punishment. If I notice that someone is scolding my kid often …I would discuss it with them by saying that I’ve noticed them scolding my child a lot and there appears to be no reason for it…and if there’s a concern regarding my child’s behavior…to let me know and I’ll take care of it.
Also, it depends on other factors too. Some folks are just not comfortable with kids. For example they don’t like kids touching things…or making noise…or running around…things that other people tolerate more easily because they see it as normal kid behavior. If it’s an issue like that…I can compromise a bit and tell my kid to use and indoor voice or don’t touch without permission…or walk instead of running.
I don’t quite support the absolute view of no one must ever scold my child. Maybe it’s because I have seen inconsistencies in a school setting. I had a parent once say that irresponsible is like a bad word and should not be said to her daughter. This was in a middle school by the way. Of course afterward the parent realized her mistake and became all nice…but she had given me a hard time for most of the year with her overprotective and very defensive behavior. And I don’t like this sort of …“koi meray bachay ko kuch nahi keh sakta” attitude…it can be damaging to children; it gives them a feeling of entitlement. My own parents didn’t rush to anger or become defensive; they looked at both sides. Perhaps my views will change when I have a child…but for now, these are my two cents.
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I agree. And that is why I said, I won’t tolerate the Unnecessary scolding. Rest, I would not mind if someone is correcting my child if he’s doing something wrong. I would never want to keep an attitude of “koi mere bachay ko kuch keh nahin sakta”, it’s just not about them, it’s about the upbringing of my kid. I wouldn’t want him to develop the thought, “main kuch bhi ker sakta hoo kyunke mama mujhay defense kerlengi”…
It’s not only bad for him but for me too in future, to handle him with his such attitude!!
Do you allow anyone else to scold your child?
My husband and I are not adverse to others scolding our children. In my extended family, we’re all pretty close, and the kids are all raised pretty much the same in that if one of is scolds the other’s child it’s usually for a reason and we all back each other up.
If another adult were to reprimand my child, I would expect my child to listen to that adult in that moment, show respect, and stop doing whatever it was that they were scolded over . If my child feels they were unfairly chastised by someone else, we can discuss it privately later and if needed, I would address the situation with the other adult. I’ve raised my kids to be mindful of authority..be it another family member, teacher, stranger etc.
So in short, in most circumstances, it would not bother me.
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@Queen…to clarify my post wasn’t directed at you.
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lol… I never thought that 
In fact I was more convinced with your views and felt like adding some more in my own views 
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ok, i just realized that you didn’t just pose a general question, and are asking in a specific circumstance, so I’m going to add this amendment to my first answer:
If there is a specific family member who constantly and unnecessarily scolds my child then I would still expect my child to respect the authority of that person, but I would definately find a way to have a non confrontational, private conversation with that familly member about what behavior of my child or exact reason they have for the constant reprimands. If it really is a stupid reason and the adult is being chirchara bilia waja, then I would probably do my best to keep my kid away from the kharoos adult. Even if that means avoiding certain get togethers, especially if it’s at that adult’s house. I don’t want my kid getting picked on for no reason.
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IMO that is akin to bullying the child. I would definitely have issues and very vocal ones with the adult. I suspect it would hamper my relationship with said adult and I wouldnt talk to him her again or meet them.
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Reha, I don’t mean to pry, but would you mind sharing some incidences of the scolding?
The following is not directed towards you in any way Reha:
Anyways, I won’t mind my family members reprimanding my child over certain things if I see that my child is behaving badly ie jumping on someone’s bed, touching things at someone’s house etc.
I have seen my cousins behave poorly at other people’s houses and my aunts and uncles just sit there watching the child create havoc. This is where scolding is acceptable. Sometimes its necessary because as someone stated earlier the child will end up getting a sense of entitlement to act that way. Obviously the way the scolding is done will matter. It shouldn’t involve scare tactics, galian, belittling etc.
I think I have just seen poor parenting in my extended family 
.
I also agree with SO2. Try to find out what exactly is going on for the scolding to take place. It will help distinguish between bullying like Dmesne said or acceptable scolding.
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Its not just one occurrence…its constant ^
Well, the child is 6 years old and is a typical kid with a very exuberant personality.
She’s opinionated but respectful. She knows she should be mindful of authority and that’s why the concern. She thinks she’s constantly messing up…when in actuality she is not.
I completely agree that a kid needs to be told when they’re wrong and dealt with. But vo bachay hein…haat band ke to nahin bithaya ja sakta na? They will play, they will make a mess, they can be loud, they will do things their way sometimes, etc. You can chastise them when they’re acting up but when they’re just being kids…what’s the need to scold them? And if you do scold them, hear them out if they’re trying to tell you something.
Its just one family member who literally will not tolerate a single word she has to say. Its a form of bullying. I hate it, the kid’s mother hates it and tries to keep her child away but for how long?
I think her mom will talk to the family member directly. I thought there might be a second way around this but if you really think about it, there isn’t.
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THIS.
Nothing more, nothing less.
My child understands that she needs to show respect, regardless of whether or not she is being fairly scolded. If she has an objection or appeal then she is totally allowed to do that in consultation with her parents.
Reha, you’re right…there is no other way around it. There comes a point when adults need to step in and take some action. That sounds like the case for the situation that you are describing.
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I have not been into this situation so far so cant tell really but ideally it will definitely hurt me to the extent that I would hate the said person. if it happened once or twice or I could neutrally find it fair I would ignore. But if it is something happening all time like you just said, I would definitely have a word with the said person since there should something be done to.put a stop to it. I loved red velvet’s reply on this. she so rightly.pointed out the reasons why.it could happen. but ofxourse if someone would try to just bully my child I cant let them do that. Also, I would be direct with the said person. why involve husband in it.
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Is this person much older? Sometimes elderly people have low tolerance , I know my dadi does. In this case I have no idea what you can do.
Re: Do you allow anyone else to scold your child?
Update:
Kid’s mom spoke to said family member and they seem to have corrected themselves.
Hopefully, this will last and be the only time she has to say something.
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Nope, this person is in his late twenties.
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Smack him to kingdom COME!!! NOW!