Since I was young, and even now actually, I used to wonder and complain about the unfair treatment girls get. No this isnt’ another male/Paki/Islam bashing, in fact it’s not bashing but just my thoughts. If a guy messes up, he is still much more able to get on with his life than if a girl did it. However, I’ve been thinking more and more about the other side to this argument now.
Why do we ask for the right to be weak? In Islam, women are given the highest status. They are strong and powerful and have a voice and are guaranteed their rights and nothing less. The fact that culture unforutnatley strips it away from them is very unfortunate but does not take away the original message.
My mother always told me that women have to be stronger than men because they’re hte ones primarily responsible for children. Besides miraculously bringing a new human being into the world, they are expected to stay home and take care of them while they are young. Mothers are ideally responsible for instilling in the kids Islamic values and ethics. They are responsible for shaping their kids personalities. Not to say taht fathers don’t play a role in the child’s development, but the first years are very crucial to their development and that’s when the mother should be there.
Women are held to a higher standard of behavior, whether with clothing, words, actions etc., and it may seem tough and downright unfair at times, but I think it’s worth it. It’s not to say that it’s right for a girl to be stigmatized for anything while the guy goes scot-free, (another ugly part of culture corrupting the religion) or the guys have license to be idiots because the standards may be lowered, but I think it’s time to reexamine the idea. Why do we ask for the right to be weak?
I’m not trying to raise an issue or discussion here, but i was just thinking of this for a while and wanted to write it out. I’ll probably edit this in a few hours anyway
As for your comment about inferiority/perception. I think instead of trying to focus on how we (women) might be seen as the inferior species by lesser minds in our culture, we should realize that we are acutally more superior in the eyes of Allah. I believe spiritually men adn women are equal but in behavior and actions women are held to a higher and tougher standard than men, I think.
Sara - totally agree with your post as far as the caregiving. While I understand your position, why shouldn't men be held to the same standards? It just seems as though the onus of character building lies entirely with women and that is not true. Any married person with children will tell you that even if it is only an hour a father spends with his children, that hour counts. How do you think of your father?? I know how I thought about mine as a child, I idolized him and he worked two jobs and I only saw him on the weekends it seems.
If a man expects certain qualities/virtues in a woman then he should have them too or he is a hypocrite and women have to learn to hold the men around them to a higher standard or it won't get better.
For example - I never understood the thinking that permeates all societies that it is allowable for a man to have sexual relations with whoever until he marries but a woman - never. This is an example only, not a rule, so read before jumping all over me. Why hold women to a stricter standard? For myself a man like that is showing a lack of character and respect, both for himself and others.
I don't see why one sex should be held to a stricter standard or even accept that. A person either has character or not. And children see and will emulate two parents even if one is the primary caregiver, it's natural.
Minah, I love my dad. I never said that because women are held to a higher standard men should be allowed to run free like idiots. They also ought to have morals and values, and you are right as to how children relate to their parents.
To be honest, I still don't understand most of these double standards, and I don't think it's fair that society is more lenient for a man. But I was talking about the religion itsself, not culture. Unfrotunately culture has corrupted the religion; I'm sure you know htat in Islam, the punishment is the same for both teh guy and the girl if they have pre/extramarital relations. True, only the girl gets punished because it's easier to determine if she has commited zina (pregnancy, hymen-myth, rumours), but in the end we're all held accountable for our wrongdoings, man or woman.
I'm not saying that I'm 100 percent right, maybe I'm talking nonsense but it was just something to consider.....
