here is the story of my best friend and i want advise
my friend is engaged ..Her fiance is really loving and caring but then they have some problems ..sometimes he lie to her for small things and when he is caught, he will say sorry. and the biggest problem is he cant make his decisions him self. he always listen to others ..sometimes he would promise my friend something but then if his parents refuse then he would just break the promise and act like is not big deal
so my friend was discussing this with me and asking me do people really change with time..she was really worried if he never change
i replied her that they both are young and not mature enough so maybe after some time, he will change.
yes, mostly religiously. i've seen quite a few people who changed completely. i've also seen people turn themselves around academically as well. i know a couple of people, who were quite smart in studies but somehow neglected it, realized their mistake and became great students. they later achieved great successes.
It's possible to change.......but what i've seen is that......it's hard.
I think if a person is having some serious doubts about their fiance.....then it's easier to break an engagement than a wedding. You don't really know if after some time (and who knows how long that will be) he'll change. I think it's better to advise her that since she knows herself and her fiance better than her friends would...she would have a better idea about what she can and cannot handle. If there is a disturbing pattern to his behavior.....then she should calmly discuss the issues with him.....and if possible hold off on the wedding plans...and just allow herself more time to observe his behavior and think about whether or not she want to go ahead with this rishta.
When he apologizes, does he learn from his mistakes or does he repeat them again? That's something important to consider...because this sort of behavior can break her trust in him. Also, will she be living with her in-laws after marriage or away from them? If it's the former...it will harder for him to be more independent. The acting like it's no big deal is not healthy either and needs to be addressed.
in the case of this dude, it really depends which stage of life is he in. in school, college, work, so forth. later stage means harder to change. but it is possible in some cases.
If he lies to get away with small things, that habit will probably not change. It's just easier right? And he seems like a people pleaser. That doesn't change until something drastic happens in your life. If your friend isn't comfortable with his personality right now, she shouldn't expect him to change after marriage. People like that usually can't balance both wife and parents, and give equal respect to both (people pleaser). So don't expect a miracle to happen once they get married