Do People Change?

[system]

Re: Do People Change?

@Nisha25

^well ok but take the case of benazir bhutto, she was with an abusive man, he was violent with her but was it only because she thought she couldn’t ever find a better man and that it was because of something she did that he kept being abusive with her that she stayed with him until her death or was it that he did change and he stopped his violent behavior.

I don’t know much about Benazir Bhutto’s life, so I can’t comment.

But any sort of abuse indicates the presence of some personality disorder/other mental disorder. Only trained and experienced therapists (sometimes not even them) can help those people deal with their problems.

Like Reha and canadiandesigirl said, one should NEVER go into a marriage hoping to change the person. That is a recipe for disaster.

Most abusers don’t change and it isn’t the fault of the victim. Well, it is her fault if she doesn’t get the hell out of there (but that itself is loaded with problems). An abuser’s behavior is NEVER the victim’s fault.

Changes for us weren’t very dramatic (as much as I would have disagreed when they were happening) and I am sure what I described is a part of all healthy relationships. But relationships where there is abuse can NOT be fixed without sacrificing ones own self, ENTIRELY. And that isn’t romantic. It just makes you pathological in addition to that person.