(it’s been forwarded, and I know it’s long and 
)
Do Muslim Husbands Make the Grade?
When we seek out knowledge about marriage we see that the Qur’an and Sunnah have assigned tremendous importance to the marriage contract and have distinguished it above all other contracts. Indeed the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “When a man marries, he has completed half of his religion and he needs only to fear Allah to complete the other half.” (Mishkat) In the Qur’an, Allah says, “And how could you take it (back) while you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant?” [4:81]
Purpose of Marriage
Therefore, marriage must be entered into whole-heartedly and taken very seriously by each of the two partners, and both of them must be committed to making their marriage a success. A marriage is truly successful and prosperous only when it is mutually rewarding. Allah suggests that both partners come together to cover, protect and beautify each other in the same way that a garment covers, protects and beautifies the one who wears it. [2:187] Through this metaphor, we understand that when two people get married, they cease to consider themselves individuals but instead as a couple - each person benefiting by the other equally. In order to flourish, there can be no hint of selfishness or refusal to compromise between them. There must be an agreement between the two partners that each of them will work together to solve whatever problems arise. They will assist one another and sacrifice in order to gain mutual happiness, pleasure and peace. This is the purpose and goal of marriage according to the Shari’ah. As the Lord of the Heavens and Earth has said, “He it is Who has created you from a single soul and [then] He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her.” [7:189]
Allah has designated specific roles for both partners. Only when these rights are observed and these obligations fulfilled, can tranquility descend upon the couple and security surround them in their certain success. If either of the two partners, out of ignorance or intention, refuses to fulfill his or her duties and thereby does not honor the rights of the other, the household becomes a living Hell. Unfortunately, this is a common situation today. Let us focus now on the responsibilities and desirable characteristics of a Muslim husband. Many brothers have never asked themselves: “What are the rights of a wife upon her husband?” “What is my responsibility toward her?”, “What do I owe her?” Never asking these questions, or answering them with ignorance, causes many problems in Muslim households. What are the characteristics every man should possess in order to be a good husband to his wife? The example of the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhe wasallam, is the ideal model. Let us look specifically at these characteristics and how we may achieve them in our lives.
Starting Point
First of all let us understand that Islam is a complete way of life that offers guidance for mankind in all matters. Allah is the All-Knowing the All-Wise and He has taken account of everything which concerns us. He has included the solution to all of our problems in His Shari’ah. Nothing has been overlooked. The characteristics of a Muslim husband and the way to acquire them have been made clearer and easier to accomplish through the example of Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhe wasallam. Allah says, “Indeed you have in the messenger of Allah a most excellent example of conduct for him who looks forward to the meeting with Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much.” [33:21]
Unfortunately many brothers interpret this in a limited way - they focus on what we know of the dress and physical attributes of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wasallam, and his Sahaba. There is no question that the best example of a husband and father is the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. Why is it, then, that so many of us are so far from his example in this area? Could it be that other examples around us influence our behavior more? Do we believe that our financial contribution should represent our dedication to our families? Or have we deliberately ignored the model Allah has provided us. Allah has taught us that if we want to achieve Allah’s pleasure in all spheres of life, the best example for us is His Messenger, sallallaahu alayhe wasallam. Indeed, the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wasallam, himself has informed us that the excellence of his example encompasses and includes everything, especially his behavior toward his wives. He, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, “The best of you are those who are best toward their wives and I am the best of you toward my wives.” (Tirmithi)
Piety & Fear of Allah
This subject is not new. When Ata’ and Ubaydullah ibn Umayr once asked Aisha about the nature of Prophet Muhammad’s behavior with her: “Aisha started to weep and said, 'One night he stood up [intending to offer the night prayer] and said, ‘O Aisha, let me be alone so that I may worship my Lord.’ He stood up, purified himself and continued to pray and weep until the ground became wet. Bilal came and made the adhan. When he saw the Prophet crying, he said, ‘O Messenger of Allah [why do] you cry, when Allah has forgiven your past and future sins?’ Prophet Mohammed replied, ‘[Then, for that] should I not be a thankful slave?’” (Ibn Hibban)
This is one example that demonstrates the intensity of our Prophet’s devotion to his Lord - his extreme piety and tremendous fear of Allah. Any man, who wishes to emulate him, should start by emulating his taqwa (piety). For it is taqwa of the heart that serves as a foundation for good deeds, manners and morals and makes the observance of the rights of others easy. If a man really and truly wants to be a good husband to his wife, he must also possess fear of Allah. If a man has the fear of Allah, and it is this fear that most influences his relationship and his dealings with his wife, he fears what Allah may do to him if he harms her or treats her in a way that is unjust and therefore will never mistreat her in any way - physically or verbally. He knows that he has to meet Allah and answer for all that he has said and done. Indeed this is why Hasan ibn Ali said when asked, “‘O Hasan I have a daughter. To whom do you think I should marry her?’ Hasan said, ‘Marry her to [a man] who fears Allah; for if he truly fears Allah and if he loves her he will honor her and [even] if he doesn’t love her, he will never oppress or abuse her [because he fears Allah].’”
Education
Among the most important rights a woman has is her right to be educated about her religion. This responsibility is incumbent upon her husband. Therefore, one of the most desirable characteristics of a Muslim husband is that he himself is knowledgeable about Islam and teaches his wife whatever he knows. Why would any Muslim husband want to deny his wife this right? Is it not his wife who will guide his children as they grow? Isn’t she the one who teaches them about harâm and halâl? Isn’t she the one to see that they learn to pray and fast? Isn’t she the one who must protect her husband’s place and belongings in his absence according to Islamic guidelines? If her knowledge about the deen is limited, the entire family will suffer. Many men seek to shelter their wives from outside influences by forbidding them to participate in outside activities. Many men may fear that if their wife’s Îmân becomes stronger, she will object to his behavior or certain weaknesses in his character. These are reasons that should compel us to participate in her Islamic education, so as she learns, so will we.
Couples can discuss topics that concern them and agree on how they will integrate new information into their family’s routine. With this type of cooperation, there is less room for misunderstandings, and less opportunity for one Muslim to feel superior to another within the household. This practice will draw the family members closer to each other and, more importantly, closer to Allah. “O you who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are [appointed] angels stern and severe, who do not hesitate to fulfill the commandments of Allah [to inflict punishment upon the people of Hell] but [rather] they do [precisely] what they have been commanded [to do]!” [66:6]
We can see that taking an active role in our family’s Islamic education protects our families from the fire of Hell. We must strive to set the best example possible for our children, wives and brothers in Islam. It is only by taking personal responsibility that we can improve the current state of the Ummah. We are creating Muslim communities where our children and grandchildren and brothers and sisters in Islam will find themselves flourishing or deteriorating in. We must ensure that they have the means to flourish by improving our own knowledge of Islam and constantly sharing it with our families. We need not look far to see members of our Ummah who have failed to keep Islam as the central focus in their homes. Let us move forward by each of us looking at ourselves and asking Allah to help us to achieve this goal.
If we fail to reach this goal, the consequences in the Hereafter are even more grave, especially for the husband. As the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wasallam, said, “Each one of you is a shepherd and every shepherd will be asked about his flock… and the man will be asked about his family.” (Bukhâri and Muslim) When the Day of Judgment comes, will our reasons for not educating our families be sufficient for Allah? Will we be able to offer any excuse after Allah and His Messenger have made it clear that educating our wives is a duty enjoined upon him that he will be asked about?
