I have a rough idea but I am keen to know some mature perspective on something:
Being a girl myself and from what I hear , females feel very strongly about being settled, having a family, kids … family is everything to them.. not a burden but a blessing and they crave for it to happen early on in their life.
Is it the same for the male gender? do they have equally strong craving to have a family, wife and kids ? say if a guy is very busy supporting his father and siblings , getting them educated, married etc … would he not feel a sigh of relief when responsibilities reduce ? would he feel a craving to have a family of his own , a settled home ?
I have met a few guys around who have been living life alone for a good few years and feel they are so used to it and dread having a wife and kids … a few married men I have come across who are facing issues in their marital life , tell me : its ok if she wants to leave me , i will live …
**It makes me think that family and being settled , that fear of being left alone is not that prominent in men as it is in women. Am I wrong? **
Interesting question. I can't speak for men, and especially for desi guys, but when I look at my gora/gori friends it seems like gora guys in particular are very, very slow to settle down and they see the responsibilities of a family man as a really big potential shackle.
On the other hand, where I'm from originally in the countryside the culture is much more traditional and family-oriented than New York City and most guys do get married and settle down by their late twenties and they seem to accept the role of a family man with a lot more ease (seems like here in the city they wait until their forties.)
yeh this sense is more in women that they dream about having family and kids n hubby plus try to keep their men happy by being tolerant and patient... but men , really have disappointed me. I heard from a man saying, that what a wife can give him that he doesnt have already? He can keep a maid for cooking, dusting and washing or can do them himself. If a person thinks in this way for a woman or a wife , i wonder if he would be ever able to give her the place and position in his house n heart that she deserves being his wife. I say same question a woman can ask too that what a man can give her that she doesnt have or cannot have without marrying him. coz if it is only that he provides her with do waqat ki rotee then she can produce that for herself very easily. Coz now days majority of Women are working and earning. earning even more than men sometimes.
I feel men cannot LOVE. No matter how much you take care of him and how much you obey him... how much you sacrifice and how much you absorb every bitter word that is said towards you. You will only be insulted and off and on proved to be an inferior creature. He wont ever acknowledge you services, and all that u have been doing for him, coz he has not learnt to be obliged. Expectations are higher from a woman but he himself is a loser thru out whenever the woman has expected anything from him.
i know i know i m angry.... but what i said is 100% truth. I am not talking about any one particular person, have a lots of examples around me. All are Nashukray and proud.
I love gals but lately I feel strongly that I dont want to have daughters coz the treatment i see for them is unbearable for me.
Oh yes the bottom line is that now days Man do not need a Woman , and woman is a fool that she keeps on wishing to have a man beside her. Idiot she is ..no doubt.
Usually there is only one driving force behind getting married and settling down. If religiously and ethically we can get it for free, than we might go for it. BUT as religion, ethics and crave for companionship bound use to have a family, so we do it.
Yes, early in the age we do crave for love, loyalty, care and all those imaginative creatures but as we grow old we get more practical. We try to keep it simple and don't accumulate the thoughts of a married life and children etc. Unless there is a huge peer pressure from hormones, family, society and religion. Than we bow down.
One thing good about us is, that once we are in a situation than we don't try to change it too much or even if it is not normal we do act as if it is. Being man is fun and a pure honor :D
I would love to settle down and start a family. and yes I do think about it.. :) I guess being brought up in a big family plays a huge part in your decision...
I think men feel the need to have families when they live abroad or alone. Once they have a chance to feel lonely, the pull of a wife and family kicks in. If they live in a large family, at times their loneliness or lack thereof can go unnoticed for a long time.
I love kids but I find that I have no desire to have a traditional family. But it doesnt mean that I am not going to do it full justice if I do end up having one, iA.
I can speak for my husband: since the day we got married, he wanted kids and MaashaAllah he is a great husband and dad. I am sure every person is different but i know he is very family oriented.
aww glad to see a few positives from namaan and CP... yes i regard namaans post as a positive lol!! i never really though a guy has much interest in becoming a family man until after its already happened. I dont know why but as namaan said thye go along with it bcause of religious, ethincal and family values. I usually see men around me soften up with age and i feel like they learn to appreciate their children when they are slightly older. Dont get me wrong i see all the love in the world around me from the men around me but just thought that love was there coz its natural, never thought they felt the NEED to have their own family coz usually broodiness is associated with women.
At this point in my life i am feeling like i should have a family and kids. i would have married earlier had i had a stable career. and since i do now, i strongly crave having a family and kids. i think as we get older we want to have family and kids. without them life would be so empty. my own experience is that men want it too. but they seriously start thinking about it in late twenties or early thirties, as compared to women who start thinking about it much earlier.
