I’m getting married and ill have to adjust in the new house according to their ways I’m aware of this..but my husband wanted to go out today and he said he can’t ask his dad for permission. I asked him why does he need permission? He can tell and go. He said no we all ask for permission. This felt a bit odd because he’s 25 earning and all my friends and their husbands never ask their in laws thru tell. Someone in this group also told me I should tell and not take permission as repeatedly asking for permission is awkward moment do what do you all say l I do? My husband told me slowly things will change.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
I understand that you feel frustrated and defensive, but at this point I don't think it's worth it to make an issue out of it because your relationship with in-laws is at a more delicate stage.
Your in-laws maybe just want to be informed about everyone's whereabouts in case of emergencies etc etc. With time, as they become more comfortable with you, they may become more relaxed. Your husband knows his parents better than you, so trust him. Don't raise an issue about this...give it time. Connect/bond with your in-laws as that will help bring more flexibility between you and them. Avoid comparing your marriage to your friends' marriages and that's easier said than done, but everyone has their challenges. Nobody has a perfect zindagi or marriage though they may act/say otherwise.
Also, if your in-laws usually let your husband and the other kids go out to wherever it is they want to go, then that's a good thing...right? In that case, it shouldn't be too bad to just fulfill the formality of permission. Again, with time they may loosen up about this.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
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Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Firstly, if I were you, I'd follow my husband's lead for now since you're marrying into his family and have no idea of their culture.
Second, please stop telling people or your friends what goes on in your husband's home or between you two.
Third, anyone that tells you to do something that will cause conflicts with your husband or marriage - is not your friend.
Jo log apne liye soch nahin saktay vo har ulta seedha mashwara mannay chal partay hein. Learn to think for yourself.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Oh, God don't be that person who causes drama because of 'friends'. Height of immaturity. I've seen a couple of girls get divorced because they keep following dumbass advice from friends.
The restriction might be because you're not rukshatified and not many people like that couple to be out and about regardless of how you behaved before engagement.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Oh, God don't be that person who causes drama because of 'friends'. Height of immaturity. I've seen a couple of girls get divorced because they keep following dumbass advice from friends.
The restriction might be because you're not rukshatified and not many people like that couple to be out and about regardless of how you behaved before engagement.
To quote "my husband wanted to go out today and he said he can't ask his dad for permission". That doesn't say anything about them wanting to go out as a couple but him wanting to go out on his own period, for which the permission was denied which is pretty ridiculous because it goes beyond knowing where you're going to actively restricting you to do so, much like a child. Sounds like you're going to have fascist FBI as in-laws, good luck!
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Firstly, if I were you, I'd follow my husband's lead for now since you're marrying into his family and have no idea of their culture.
Second, please stop telling people or your friends what goes on in your husband's home or between you two.
Third, anyone that tells you to do something that will cause conflicts with your husband or marriage - is not your friend.
Jo log apne liye soch nahin saktay vo har ulta seedha mashwara mannay chal partay hein. Learn to think for yourself.
Don't worry reha I didn't discuss anything with my friends. I never do that's why I post here.
My friends were discussing their married lives and I was just thinking from their experience.
However my husband told me that I should only ask him for permission and no one else so I guess I was freaking out over nothing.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
To quote "my husband wanted to go out today and he said he can't ask his dad for permission". That doesn't say anything about them wanting to go out as a couple but him wanting to go out on his own period, for which the permission was denied which is pretty ridiculous because it goes beyond knowing where you're going to actively restricting you to do so, much like a child. Sounds like you're going to have fascist FBI as in-laws, good luck!
I guess I was not clear in explaining myself. My husband wanted to go out to his friends place around 7/8 pm on weekend but he felt awkward asking his dad for permission hence he didn't ask. ( My mother in law lives in America so it's only my husband and fil so he felt awkward asking as he would again be alone at home eating dinner..)
He never asked his dad for permission that night.. But yes he's been denied a few times.
I guess there's an age after which you should not be seeking permission.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
I guess I was not clear in explaining myself. My husband wanted to go out to his friends place around 7/8 pm on weekend but he felt awkward asking his dad for permission hence he didn't ask. ( My mother in law lives in America so it's only my husband and fil so he felt awkward asking as he would again be alone at home eating dinner..) He never asked his dad for permission that night.. But yes he's been denied a few times. I guess there's an age after which you should not be seeking permission.
That seems like parenting gone overboard at the age of 25 but since I'm unmarried I suggest you do the same as Reha has suggested which is to follow in your husband's footsteps but have active communication with him. Why did he feel awkward about asking though? It isn't unreasonable for him to want to be with his friends during the weekend. That attitude of being awkward/shy may be something that you'll want to address head on with your husband, for your own sake and peace of mind.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Wow! That seems quite unreasonable to me. As men in Pakistan do go out with their friends in the evening, unless of course there is an emergency or some other work etc. However, if that is how they are in your in laws household then you should expect the same. I have seen in laws expecting DILs asking for permission before going out with their husbands and yes, expect to be denied as well.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
you need to stop advocating how your fiance lives his life in his parents life. He doesnt seem to be that much affected or in depression due to his parents behaviour.
Let them live their live the way they want it. Your fiance needs you as a companion, not as a waqeel against his strict parents.
And once you live at your in laws, and if you feel you are requested to do things you shouldnt be expected to do then you deal with it then. No need to assume things negatively form now on.
like i told you before, you need to stop thinking so negatively of your in laws before you have had a chance to actually live with them.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Oh dear god, why are you marrying him? Already itnay so many problems.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
GS ki traffic increase karne ke liye :halo:
(Sorry OP, I couldn’t resist 
)
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
if it's true love between your husband and you then i'd say just go along with him since these are his parents that he also loves.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Aaze I wish it was for the traffic ;)
But we realise alot of things later in life. Our mistakes our wrong decisions. Somehow regardless of alot of things I want to be with my husband.
We have had fights too ( but don't we all? It's that you choose to stick together regardless that matters.)
his family is quite different from mine.. I never realised this before..now it's just become too obvious for me.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Aaze I wish it was for the traffic ;) But we realise alot of things later in life. Our mistakes our wrong decisions. Somehow regardless of alot of things I want to be with my husband. We have had fights too ( but don't we all? It's that you choose to stick together regardless that matters.) his family is quite different from mine.. I never realised this before..now it's just become too obvious for me.
Is it mutual love between your husband and you?
I mean does he adore you just as much.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
Yes it is.
Re: Do I take permission for everything?
In marriage u have to be willing to compromise. You both will have many differences of opinions on numerous things so pick and choose wisely. If your rights are not violated, don't make it an issue.