pumpkin i personally believe that if u can afford staying home than you should…as kids should be ur first priority…but that doesnt mean u can work part time…
i would say stay home till they start school n when they do you can start working during their school time (part time) so u can also spend time wid them after work…
if u work full time u wont have enough energy to spend quality time wid them plus do all the cooking n Cleaning too…
Re: do i have to?
u can still work part time, that way u have both. i do that and its great, i am still in touch with career and can do full time when i am ready too.
do you think that if i am having a baby i have to stay at home with my baby? if we can afford it is it best for him or her that i stay at home and look after the baby? and for how long? 1-2 years? until they are in school? but i've heard that teenagers need a lot of time too. so it is better to be home when they are younger or older? or should i be ready to give up my career now for a family?
Wel, I m not a parent :D but I think it depends on what you and your husband are comfortable with. What you should keep in mind is that that having children is a blessing from Allah swt and therefor it is obligatory for the parents to take care of their children as the responsibility for them is upon their shoulder.
Fullfilling this duty can be combined with a professional career, but it is hard work.
Waise, out of experience I know that most women prefer to stay home after having the baby :D. I know several higly educated women who choose to do so .
Re: do i have to?
Heres my take on the whole thing. If you are mature enough to have a baby, you are likely also mature enough to know yourself and what you can handle.
Me? I had a career, a nicely profitable one, in trading floor technology. It required all my attention and ability. I KNEW that I could be a good worker/earner OR a good mother. I did not/do not have it in me to be good at BOTH.
If there were something that I could do without having to dedicate myself so completely to it, maybe I'd work. Actually, I HAVE been looking lately to do something from home.
BUT my first priority is my boyz. They are my universe. At age 7.6 and 4 I think this will be the case for a least a few more years.
But there ARE women who can very successfully handle both a career and a lovely family wife. How I WISH I were one of those!! :) I admire them. I also feel bad for them sometimes...like when I hear about how baby started to walk today and they missed it...or when baby calls the au-pair or babysitter "mama"....but those cases are pretty rare, I've seen a number of those "super-moms"...I just aint one of em.
Re: do i have to?
If you dont want to, then don't.
but as far as i've read, it seems to be alot easier for women in the UK/europe than the US....
Heres my take on the whole thing. If you are mature enough to have a baby, you are likely also mature enough to know yourself and what you can handle.
Me? I had a career, a nicely profitable one, in trading floor technology. It required all my attention and ability. I KNEW that I could be a good worker/earner OR a good mother. I did not/do not have it in me to be good at BOTH.
If there were something that I could do without having to dedicate myself so completely to it, maybe I'd work. Actually, I HAVE been looking lately to do something from home.
BUT my first priority is my boyz. They are my universe. At age 7.6 and 4 I think this will be the case for a least a few more years.
But there ARE women who can very successfully handle both a career and a lovely family wife. How I WISH I were one of those!! :) I admire them. I also feel bad for them sometimes...like when I hear about how baby started to walk today and they missed it...or when baby calls the au-pair or babysitter "mama"....but those cases are pretty rare, I've seen a number of those "super-moms"...I just aint one of em.
The thing that im starting to worry about is, if an educated, career woman takes a few years off after having a baby, then what obstacles will she face when she tries to re-enter the workfroce after a few years? Is it even possible for her to get back into the field that she left (provided she still has the desire to)? From all that i have learnt, it's pretty difficult for anyone who's been out of work (for any reason) to actually get back in again especialy if years have passed because theri skills get outdated at such a fast pace these days..
Personally I dont know any woman in my in laws or in my own family who's actually had a career after having kids, the older generation, even the younger generation, the goris the pakis the ABCDs and the ones in pak... (dang now that i think abt it its quite depressing!).. there are many smart ones who could be successful but choose not to work, so of course i dont have any examples..and i dont know what i will do, i've stopped setting my mind on one thing until that time comes than husband and i will decide what's best for us.........
When we had our First baby boy, my wife stayed home with him and I used to work. Now when we have a baby girl too, I have setup a home office and working from home. My wife is now going out and trying to catch up on her studies and now I know what I missed with my Son.
No matter how good baby sitters/ caretakers / day cares are, they cant replace parents (and yes I am even talking about relatives like grand parents etc). IMO, these early years are really important for kids as they go through the personality building phase and then you also dont want to miss out on they cute harkateen :)
Re: do i have to?
Hmmm Ms Sara....the thing is, I think if you're realistic about the whole thing, it can work out. Like, right now I want my eldest to have private drum lessons and middle guy to have guitar lessons. So I just have to earn enough to cover that. I know for sure that I'm not going to make anywhere near what I made before, nor do I want the enormous (24/7/364) responsibility that came with my prior life. So I would be TOTALLY happy with something/anything that I could do from home, on my own time, for 10 to 15 bux an hour. GONE are the days of 200 an hour for tech services rendered.
Re: do i have to?
pumpkin, its totally manageable. It gets hard… but is manageable..
i had a career for about 6 years before i had bubz.. i went on one year maternity leave… had the bestest time (but did go insane a bit) and then i came back to work… i was doing part-time for awhile (4 days a week) and now im full-time… but Inshallah i’ll go to either 4 or 3 days next year again..
As for cooking and cleaning… we manage that considerable well too. We cook on the weekend, and store the food. There is only 3 of us, so one dish generally lasts like 3 days in our place… the cleaning happens every weekend.. takes about an hour.. that time hubby (or whoever is not doing the cleaning) will take bubz out to the park and spend some quality time with her… it doesnt take too long neways.. our weekends and weeknights are completely dedicated to bubz… and we TRY to the cooking while she’s asleep so we give her as much time as we can..
It does get hard… u do get really exhausted.. but thats why u need about 20-30min to yourself each day just to zone out and relax..
I’ve seen my mum doing this since i was 6 (since we moved away from Pak) and to be honest, my parents have ALWAYS been there for us… and its a two way thing.. kids need to be there for their parents.. they need to let their parents know that they need their time… we did. And Inshallah i hope, my kids and we have the same attitude.
Inshallah all will be ok :k:
p.s part-time though is a lot easier.. 5 days of work can really bog u down..
Re: do i have to?
just another thing... if ur in IT, it does get hard if uve been out for 3+ years.. hence the reason i didnt want to be out for too long...
I used to be on the programming side.. but after bubz i decided become a BA just to get away 3-4 hours of sleep.. lol
Re: do i have to?
^ i went back to my old job after having bubz, didnt ejoy it one bit and then (God's will completely), I got called for this job.. and its turned out to be the best career move (and motherly move) ive ever made... they are soooooo good with mothers.. i hope i stay here for awhile, Inshallah
Re: do i have to?
will ur current job allow you a year off and keep ur position for u when u get back?
i think mama said it the best . some women can handle both splendidly (usually takes a toll on them), i cant but am in a situation where it is indespensible.so its terrible to know u r missing out on time, kids crave attention most of all and if u r knackered it is hard to pay attention as lovingly adn attentively. since u r not even pregnant yet, u have time to contemplate. i know before the kid it seems like i have to give this up?! but trust me once u have them it is more like oh well love the little guy/girl to bits so what the heck.
Re: do i have to?
^ u can be knackered or watever, but u can still give all the time to your child :)
yes, everyone is different though.. but i know i keep at it till she falls asleep.. its a rule in our house that we give her as much love and time as we can... yes sometimes its hard.. but even when ur at home, u have moments where u r just exhausted too..
Re: do i have to?
^aww sadzz i said some cant do it. i cant it and i do think there are rare of u around. no hard feelings
do you think that if i am having a baby i have to stay at home with my baby? if we can afford it is it best for him or her that i stay at home and look after the baby? and for how long? 1-2 years? until they are in school? but i've heard that teenagers need a lot of time too. so it is better to be home when they are younger or older? or should i be ready to give up my career now for a family?
I am pregnant and my hubby has already told me that he does not want me to work and look after our daughter fulltime.
I have my mum, SIL and Sis to look after my daughter but he thinks i need to give my time to her. and she would need me more than others. and i agree with him.
I want to be home when kids come back from school and i find it very distressing for those kids whose parents are at work and after school they have to go to after school care or home alone.
Re: do i have to?
^ no no.. no hard feelings :)
its hard work (both ways)
Re: do i have to?
^ the ones in pak, i love them but they have the typical mindset, that they will never do anything of that sort , either by their own choice or their husbands/inlaws/society will never allow it for htem. and some dont care for it
the ones in my family and in my in laws seem quite content with their lives but i dont think anybody is stopping them from doing anything else...
Re: do i have to?
off topic
dont you guys think too much attention n love will spoil ur kids as i have seen so many cases?
I dont have kids rit now!
Re: do i have to?
^ it really depends on the type of attention ur giving. We hardly ever buy anything for bubz (she has so much stuff from all the relatives and chachoo at home so theres no need).. maybe once in a blue moon, we'll get her something to play with.. but if u know the kid is gonna get bored within an hour or so, whats the point? There's toy libararies for that...
We try to maybe take her for a walk, go to the park (which she loves).. we used to take her swimming... just things like that. Or, get her her favorite cartoon and let her watch that.