I have a friend, who is divorced. And for some reason, people can’t seem to believe she wants to be alone. People are always gossiping about her. When she defends herself, or she becomes mad at the gossips, she is labled guilty, why is it, that if you become mad that people gossip about you, you are automatically guilty? Why can’t you defend yourself against teh nasty gossips? they really can ruin someones life, people should stop and think, before they repeat such idiotic stories. To them, it’s harmless, but to the person involved, it’s not.
My friends family picks up gossips too, and this has been going on and on and for weeks, months, everytime new stories. She is getting tired of it and her own family even starts to doubt her. They are already upset why she got divorced, and now the rumors are a new excuse to be mad at my friend.
They seem to think she is ‘bad’, that she’slooking for another man, just becuase she’s divorced! Why can’t people just respect each other?
My friend wants to proove it, that she can raise her kids by herself. She is happy alone with her kids, but for some reason, people can’t seem to believe that, and always invent new stories about her… Result, if she goes some place, people always think she ‘wants’ something, or if she says something, they are always looking for different ‘motives’ which aren’t even there! She doesn’t know what to do anymore…
Why can’t people jsut resepct divorced women and leave them alone, they are humans too!
Those gossiping fools are in a severe need of a life.
This isn't something out of the ordinary, a divorced woman being talked about and being given a nasty treatment . Our narrow minded society cannot digest the idea of a woman living on her own. If a woman lives alone or is divorced, then there is some "khot" in her character .. this is the equation that rules the thinking of most of the desis.
Our society won't progress much as long as these fools don't let their suffocating minds breathe.
And what if she is searching for a new partner? Is that bad? These fools won't have even the slightest of a problem if a divorced or even a married man starts searching for another wife. But all hell breaks loose if a woman does the same thing. She got rid of a NO good husband or he left her, but does that mean, she should spend rest of her life alone? If she is willing to do so, no harm.. but nothing wrong in wanting a new partner after a divorce.
Its desi culture to talk and what an easier target then a divorvced woman especailly when the guys in the same neighbourhood to spread gossip. I know three women who have faced the same emotional torture. One way out is to find true friends and connect with others who have gone through the same issues... It is really difficult if the gal doesnt have the familys support especially in the begining.
[quote] These fools won't have even the slightest of a problem if a divorced or even a married man starts searching for another wife. But all hell breaks loose if a woman does the same thing. She got rid of a NO good husband or he left her, but does that mean, she should spend rest of her life alone? If she is willing to do so, no harm.. but nothing wrong in wanting a new partner after a divorce.
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Chandbeti, That's so true.
i wonder though how many of us would, when push comes to shove, be happy if our brothers wanted to marry a Muslim lady who had been divorced? Or, to a lesser extent, our sisters wanting to marry a Muslim man who had been divorced? Kitni baatein banti community mein. And it's not just with divorced women, but with widows as well. i know a lady who became a widow relatively early on in her marriage, and it's been more than thirty years since her husband passed away (she never remarried), but people in the community will STILL talk about her just because she's a widow - and therefore perhaps she doesn't have any feelings. Don't they realize they're talking about a lady who lost her husband and raised a son all by herself - instead of trying to help her (remember Islam's position on widows and orphans), ulTa it seems people look for an opportunity to gossip about her.
Yes Nadia, I have seen such cases too. It is pathetic, how people talk about a widow or a dicvorcee. Why talk about some woman who has been through a rough time in her life? Rather why talk about anyone at all, aren't there better things to do in life besides gossiping?
ppl will talk.. whether shes divorced, wiidowm single mother.. tahst how PPL r.. we desis.. an ppl in general.. liek small town ppl down in south or wherever the population is kam kam.. ppl hae a tendency to butt into life of others and make blunt an judgmental aassumptions.. thats how ppl r.. an thats why ppl shouldnt care what others say..
ppl tend to forget to look at themselves cuz theyre ttoo busyy puttin themselves down..
One has to step on someones head to make sure they get to the top..
thats how ppl r..
n im no better than that.. howeever i do try my best to make myself stop doin that.. an in a way it helps.. when i put myself in their situation..
besides I have instilled in myself one thing an i ytry to keep reminding myself.. ALLAH dekh raha hai.. an whatever i do .. its gonna come back to me times 3...
tell ur friend.. dil chotah na kere.. these ppl who mock her will get theirs.. soomer than they think..
just tell your friend not to worry about the ediots around her as more she will think about what ppl talk about her harder it will be for her to live happily.
i think its desi society that cant stand concept of single man and/or single woman, coz they mostly think becoz gettign married is sunat so every one should be married.
ppl never give it a thought, why the divorce happend ???how hard husband and wife tried to not to get divorce??? and/or how much living hell it was for either of the partners when they were maried???
its not a good thing to get divorce and surley its never a happy experience for either for the parties.
i hope your friend will recover soon and can start a new life with her kids.
i hate those people. i know some one very close who got a divorce. people made her life miserable. she is such a smart and highly educated woman but she wud get so frustrated at times. even though everyone knew that the guy was abuser and a lier , theywud just put blame on her and wud say things like, " agar rehna chahtee saath to reh sakti thee", ( chahay rehtay howay mar jati)
khair Allhumdullillah she is remarried and out of country now and living peacefully.
How sad for the divorced women and widows (sheesh, people won't even spare the widows now?!).
It's hard to not always care what others say. Sometimes stories of other people go too far.... and then to get in trouble with ones own family thanks to the gossip, then it's hard to not think about it.
"agar rehna chahtee saath to reh sakti thee", ( chahay rehtay howay mar jati)"
Oh boy, that's one my friend heard very often! :-(
I guess until people don't have these kind of problems themselves, it's easy to talk for them.
its just sad that people cant respect someones privacy.. that they have to put their two cents in and label someone bad....
the problem with desis is that we dont let each other have the privacy and time to deal with our problems.. they have to make a khichri out of every thing..
divorced women, just like divorced men should be allowed to live their lives... i dont get why its ok for a desi divorced man to marry another women or to even seek one, yet when a female does it... shes labled everything vicious u can think of.. people need to accept its not ALWAYS the females fault... the man is jsut as much at fault.. then why is he living his life peacefully?
i aint a feminist... but these double standards will never let the desi community progress..
I haven't read the original post or posts threafter but I do want to say that discussing private information about someone who is divorced and important to you is not right. It is not a smart thing to do unless one feels it is absolutely necessary and even then a person should approach someone they trust alot regarding this. The best thing to do is to use your best judgement. As far as divorced people, outsiders will talk no matter what. It is human nature. Ignorance is bliss.
Divorce seems so difficult anyway, it is a shame that ppl do not have more respect of her. I have a friend married for 10 yrs and even tho her husband cheated w/ someone in her own family!!!! she refuses to get divorced because of gossips around her. She is afraid for what her children mite have to go through from gossips and even her own family.
I think your friend must be very strong to raise the children alone and she should use her strength to ignore ppl who do not know any better than to be mean. Her life will be her "proof" that she is not making the wrong choice.
