What is women’s take on divorced men?. Are they “used-material”, “failiures”, “excess-baggage holders” or “experienced”, “learned-from-mistakes”, “matured” individuals?. Would a single girl dig them?. Would you even consider them if he passes all other criteria?.
Would you even consider them if he passes all other criteria?.
Yes, why not. Whats wrong with that.
I would not see both divorced women and men from the same perspective/angle. A women is far more suppressed atleast in our part of the world. And her reasons for asking for such a thing as divorce are many and varied. Its not easy for a women in a desi setting to take such a drastic step.
However, as far as men are concerned, if its clear that he wasnt the culprit, played around and fooled her then there is no harm in marrying such a man. But again its different for different people. Some men donot want to marry a divorced woman and vice versa.
For me atleast I need to feel for the person irrespective of whether he is aged/younger then moi, ugly looking or handsome or financialy stable/unstable...
losty, well you are right from the woman perspective but I would like to keep this thread to divorced men as subject matter. Marrying divorced women is another topic in itself.
I think it depends on the reasons ..... why he was married and why he was divorced. For example, there are many Pakistani men who come to America/Canada and marry a citizen here solely for immigration purposes. They divorce them afterwards and claim to never of had a 'real' relationship with their ex-wife. I don't think I would personally give men in such cases the time of day simply cause marriage to them was seen as an immigration tool rather than a commitment between man and woman.
As I said though ... it depends on the situation .... why he was married and why he was divorce. I would expect such a man to be totally open and honest with me about what happened and why he had to divorce.
Mehnaz, fair enough. Divorces are usually of two types - irreconciable differences where both partners decide it is in their best interest go separate ways and nothing confrontational takes place AND taking it to the cleaners type where even a stapler's possession is decided by the court. Both scenarios are hard to explain and justify to a new prospective spouse or any third party. The happy ending is mind boggling for third-party and a rough conclusion is full of un-answered questions. I mean there will always be some doubts probably more so compared to a never married single guy. This situation gets further complicated when the man is a total stranger meaning you meet him after he has gone through the first marriage.
I won't conclude yet...
funguy when you talk of baggage and other factors, would it not be similar for guys who were in intense relationships that did not work out for one reason or another. similar issues right?
Pir Sahib, well similar issues but the knot was never tied. I am keeping this thread arpund divorced men since divorce has such a stigma attached to it in our culture. A man having tons of out-of-wedlock relationships is considered a "Jawaani kay kaam" but a divorced man is considered as a failure or unable.
so its more of a stigma issue, supported by these questions about ability to sustain a relationship, questions about maturity, etc etc?
Honestly, I think I would be concerned that he has excess baggage to deal with before getting involved in another relationship....excess baggage could mean children or emotional issues. I guess that could happen in the second type of divorce you described. However, as Mr. Fraudia has stated, having many serious out-of-wedlock relationships could be just as 'bad' or 'problematic' as a man who is a divorcee. By this latter point, I mean that I would be just as concerned if I was introduced to a guy who has been previously engaged more than twice to different girls.
Many guys would not give a girl a chance if she has been divorced. So I guess there goes your answer.
Mehnaz
I does not have to be MANY out of wedlock serious relationships. They dont even have to be physical.
but when looking at it in terms of baggage, or suspicion of the person's inability to make things work, compromise etc its similar.
One could have been in a very seriosu relationship and came out of it jilted, untrusting or suspicious in general, or the person could just be incapable of commiting or maintaining a relationship.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fraudz: *
Mehnaz
I does not have to be MANY out of wedlock serious relationships. They dont even have to be physical.
but when looking at it in terms of baggage, or suspicion of the person's inability to make things work, compromise etc its similar.
One could have been in a very seriosu relationship and came out of it jilted, untrusting or suspicious in general, or the person could just be incapable of commiting or maintaining a relationship.
[/QUOTE]
yeah...that's what I meant.....the last point....that it can show (sometimes) that a person has major commitment issues. Again, it depends on the situation, circumstances, etc. One will only find out if a. the person tells them about their past; and 2. fills them in on all the details. There are some guys who won't even mention their past out of fear that it will make the girl run screaming in the opposite direction. I think I'm going off topic ... sorry Funguy.
Its really funny if a women is window... she will get either a divorce man or would be 2nd wife of the guy - i have seen cases in NY myself... .. DISGUSTING
Why the fudge men think they will get an untouched woman even if they are divorced?
No i will not - i am sure he probably have good logical explanation for it
jo apni pheli bivi ka na ho saka woh kisi aur ke sath kia nibhaey ga....
rishtey nibhaney ke liey banaye jate hain toorne ke liey nahee
Nia Khan,
rishtey nibhaney ke liey banaye jate hain toorne ke liey nahee
Well, true Nia. But why generalize. Why say that the man is to be blamed for whatever happened. Right, in majority of the cases in our culture it is nontheless the ‘man’. I am not supporting or condoning any such behavior or such men, however there are situations where a man and a woman feels that they would be better off if they quietly separate and go their own way. ‘sari zindagi kharab karnay say behtar naheen alag ho jain.’ THere is a limit till u can bow down and compromise.
Try to view this situation from another perspective.
–At times some women are way too ambitious, putting their home at risk.
–Due to the changing trends, couples(men and women) lack tolerance and the will to compromise, hence the breakup.
– Sometime they are not very mature or lack mental compatibility.
^ Now this was totally from the point of view of this thread.
But you are 'absolutely ’ right in saying that divorced men look for young, unmarried girls. I know somebody,his wife divorced him within three months of their marriage 
we told him of our cousin who took divorce from her husband. Whats wrong with that… that man plainly refused , saying that he wanted an unmarried woman. The reason was that she will think about her past and things would remind of her days gone by… Now, there you see. Women 'should look up for such creatures even if they had had their fun but when it comes to men, they would not settle for anything less.
Re: Divorced Men
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
What is women's take on divorced men?. Are they "used-material", "failiures", "excess-baggage holders" or "experienced", "learned-from-mistakes", "matured" individuals?. Would a single girl dig them?. Would you even consider them if he passes all other criteria?.
[/QUOTE]
i think everyone deserves a second chance... well some get more than one..
yes divorce is not recommended in islam.. and we have to think wisely before we make the decision.. but if its done its done... and people have to move on... some men have children.. and like women they also need companions...
a friend of mine... his father passed away.. leaving behind 6 children all below 20.. his mother re-married.. cus she needed the financial support.. if a widow can do that... i think a man should be allowed to re-marry.. he may not need the financial support.. but does require emotional support..
yes.. but it does depend on a lot of other aspects.. lekin if he passes all the criteria... (even if he has kids)... i dont see any problem.... i guess if i was put into a position like that.. and i truely liked the guy.. and vice versa.. id marry him
That is so true about the double standard that exists in our culture regarding divorced people. Divorced women tend to be worse off than divorced men, at least in the older generations. However, overall, divorce is considered taboo, unfortunately, regardless of the reason for divorce. We need to open our minds to the fact that the word “divorce” is JUST A LABEL. It is meaningless in the evaluation of the person, man or woman.
