Divorced men ..

[Bobby1]

Re: Divorced men ..

@Sahdia77

True. One of the problems amongst most Pakistani people I know and especially in my family is that they expect only the female to give up everything, where as the male can do anything he desires.

One example from my own life; I was promised to finish my education, by husband and his parents. That was an important agreement of the marriage. Another was that he would come to live in Holland, if I so wished. After marriage however I was made to stop education and move to France. I was always blamed as the wife as long as I didn’t do what he wanted, so I gave in every time. Even that didn’t satisfy husband and inlaws. Nothings I did was ever enough. Not for my parents, not for my inlaws. My expectations were that my husband would do what he and his parents had promised, they didn’t. Another expectation was that he wouldn’t be abusive, but he was. Silly me. I didn’t expect a lot of money or a great house or expensive clothes or jewelry, I just wanted to be loved and respected and a library card. That’s it. And Dutch cheese every now and then, the one they sold in France was too expensive and limited in choice.

I’m not saying all females are great and all males are bad. One of my relatives, living in Islamabad, wasn’t very nice to her husband. Neither was he to her, they were both wrong. She made too many demands and was a bit too harsh. I don’t know everything that happened between them, so I have no idea if he became wrong because of her or if he already had that character. There was no harmony between them and in all honesty, from what I did see and hear, I can’t say it was only his fault. (and it made me wonder, had her parents remained in Kotli [A.K.], would she had been like that? are females more often bolder in certain places? not that she was bold in a good way, just wondering in general)

For a marriage to work and be happy, you need balance in everything. it’s giving and taking for both the wife and the husband. They should both give up something. Nowadays I have changed a lot. Nowadays I open my mouth, sometimes I say things to scare people away, nowadays I keep quiet less often. Perhaps I should have been like this when I was married.

Being a doormat and putting up with abuse never solves anything. Since girls lose ten folds in a desi break up so they are logically the ones who try the hardest to make things work. Also most girls from desi culture are brought up to be quite giving and caring and to cede rights and freedoms so I feel majority of the divorces involves situations where life has been made hell for her. Any female poster here who has been divorced has mentioned lack of respect, caring, love and rampant abuse by family and husband. Of the few I have intimate knowledge about involved severe abuse, blackmail for money etc. One of the posters here had posted about his issues with his wife and it was quite apparent that he feels very negatively about women and is abusive towards her and then acts as a victim if she stands up for her rights.