I don't know every time I come across any divorced guy he is always married to some chick who was forced into the marriage by parents. I mean like how is this possible? How every desi guy has same reason for being divorced? Is this their go to excuse or does it happen too? It can happen I mean but not to each & every guy out there. I don't know what actual reason they must be hiding of divorce & just pinning this on the girl that it was her fault. My friend was saying some guys use such tricks to get sympathy of the girl & all. What you guys think?
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It can happen but anytime I see the guy putting the sole blame on his ex-wife, I see that as a red flag. It shows the dude has no accountability for his actions and sees himself as the victim. These are not the qualities of an emotionally mature and grown up person.
4 Likes
Back in the day I used to have plenty of excuses for past breakups (never been divorced), the most outrageous one gotta be the one when I claimed my ex worshiped satan, in fact she believed she was his daughter!
BTW why are you so gung-hu about what the poor guy did before you or why he got divorced? you should stop looking backwards in order to move forward in your life
Every saint had a past and every sinner has a future etc etc etc
Most cases of divorce I know of is guys being, aggressive, abusive, controlling, chants slaps. Funny how girl is strong enough to divorce but not strong enough to refuse marriages. In arranged marriages I know many that break before consummation or shortly after due to unrealistic expectations. Guys want educated girls to be subservient, girls want to be treated as royalties
It’s not easy to determine if a guy is the right one for you. But if he’s divorced, then asking him what he learned from his divorce about himself and how to make next marriage better would be a good starting point. At this juncture, take note of whether or not he has humbled down enough to mention his own mistakes and what areas he will improve upon in the subsequent marriage. His response to these questions will be very telling.
Lastly, while it is possible for a guy to be pressured, I think that such cases are few and far in between given the times we’re living in. In my opinion and personal observations, it doesn’t happen as frequently with men even in the more coservative families. With daughters (unfortunately) it’s likely to happen more often, but I doubt that it’s as common with sons.
Use your instinct
observe how he talks about his ex wife and the type of language he uses
sometimes these little things tell a lot about a person
most divorcee are reluctant to get married again especially men
^That’s a good point.
But if the divorced guy is not very forthcoming about his divorce, then you can probe his character with some other questions. For example, you can ask him how he handles conflicts, or how he reacts when he is angry. You can ask him hypothetical questions related to financial matters as that can be a cause for divorce as well. You can pose hypothetical (but also common) situations that entail the in-laws and see whether his response indicates that he is someone who will try to maintain a balance between the wife and the in-laws or if he’s someone who would struggle with that. Ask him what his expectations of a wife and marriage are and the respective roles. You will get an clue about him from his responses or lack thereof, lol. Ask Allah to eliminate with ease the guys that are harmful to and to facilitate a match that is best for you in every every way.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling frustrated and I don’t intend any offense, but it is kinda comical that every divorced guy you’ve come across this far has the same story. Not that it makes them look any better.
2 Likes
If the guy shows any remorse, or regrets not having done things differently in his previous marriage, I'd believe him. But, if he puts all the blame on his ex-wife, then he is clearly a man-child who can't own up to a mistake.
At the end of the day, you can never be too sure of anyone.
[quote=““The Last Straw””]
It’s not easy to determine if a guy is the right one for you. But if he’s divorced, then asking him what he learned from his divorce about himself and how to make next marriage better would be a good starting point. At this juncture, take note of whether or not he has humbled down enough to mention his own mistakes and what areas he will improve upon in the subsequent marriage. His response to these questions will be very telling.
Lastly, while it is possible for a guy to be pressured, I think that such cases are few and far in between given the times we’re living in. In my opinion and personal observations, it doesn’t happen as frequently with men even in the more coservative families. With daughters (unfortunately) it’s likely to happen more often, but I doubt that it’s as common with sons.
[/quote]
Sup T!. I think the TLS spoken some ultimate truth about life. You should take her advise wholeheartedly!
Listen very carefully to the guy that talks about his ex-wife. Very carefully, so you can match your speed of running away, to the ugliness of his descriptions.
^ Says the experienced one I'm assuming? :p
The aqalmand learn from others' experiences, sir.
Okay, dear.
