divorces are a terribly very sad thing that happen to anyone, who do not/did not cause them, but they also also could not and ought not stay in an abusive marriage and with an ignorant spouse.
what is the best way in which, in this context, in Pakistani families, in Muslim families, an elder divorced brother or sister should be treated.
why are families insensitive to them?
share your thoughts on this, if you like.
best,
Dushwari
Re: Divorced elder brother or sister coming back to live in home
well my cousin came back divorced everybody was regular with her, her mom pressured her into the marriage so i think she knew from the day she signed her nikah papers it wasn't going to go well because she cried the whole night (when her other daughters got married she wasn't so emotional), so I think she was regretting her desicion on the day of her rukhsati or expecting the marriage to fail. but anyways mashallah she's engaged to the love of her life right now so inshallah that will go well.
Re: Divorced elder brother or sister coming back to live in home
Dushwari , I completely disagree with your assumptions.
I don't think families can be insensitive to their children or siblings after having gone through such events. On the contrary it is not only the persons involved who go through the divorce , it is the entire family , sometimes more so the family that suffers than the person themself because invariably the parents begin to blame themselves when things go wrong as they were the ones that arranged those marriages in the first place ( i'm referring to arranged marriages strictly as that is still a common practice )
Yes , the divorced sibling or child is thereafter handled with kid gloves , as no-one wants a repeat of such events or bring up a bitter /emotional subject and I think that does lead to a gulf being developed between family members as one is aways afraid to express their thoughts as they might be wrongly construed.
So , its not that the family is insentive to them , they are just afraid to hurt them again.
Re: Divorced elder brother or sister coming back to live in home
I think that this is the time (unfortunate be it) that you really realise the value of your family.
Anything can go wrong in arranged or even love marriages. People change...situations change...and the worst thing to do especially where one is subjected to abuse be it physical or emotional is to fear how they will be treated by their families and society and bear the situation. Sorry ... correction...thats the second worst thing to do. The worst thing is to let your kids be a witness to your situation...simply for fear of family and society.
Everybody gets over everything and the family too will get over it. Life goes on and in a full circle. Sympathy and compassion and other help should be offered, but independence and normality should be encouraged. The divorced party should actually initiate that their family treat them normally.
Re: Divorced elder brother or sister coming back to live in home
^ ya...i agree...if the kids are involved then its them who suffer the most. My heart goes out to all the kids living in that sorta situation.
Re: Divorced elder brother or sister coming back to live in home
must be tough but life goes on
Re: Divorced elder brother or sister coming back to live in home
thanks everyone for your perspectives. the reason i opened this thread is not because i am an authority on advice on this sensitive issue that needs a lot more sensitivity.
but, it was for the fellow guppies and guppans to share their thoughts on how people should treat, caringly, their divorcing or divorced siblings and be sensitive to them.
sometimes, in uneducated or families with double standards, the welcome may not be there for a woman with kids.
and same for an elder brother, who got divorced and is depressed or upset over what happened to him, but unless the parents and rest of the siblings do not step up and protect the hurt and saddened divorcee, their survival becomes that much tougher.
may Allah swt gives enogh monetarily-supportive ability and emotional as well as psychological open minded ness to give protection to a divorced sibling or child and help them realize what they can do to get back their happiness and heal from the divorce experience. that was all.
there is no assumption that was thrown on anyone.
it will help to not personalize my threads, but view the statements as issue or concern that can gain insight from varied perspectives.
best,
Dushwari