General question about what happens after a couple is divorced (desi):
Is the woman supposed to return to her ex all the jewelry that they gave her (engagement or wedding ring, walima jewelery set etc)?
Is the woman supposed to go through what is called “Idat” (not sure of spelling). If so for how long? Now what if this lady is pregnant during the divorce proceedings?
Someone in my family is going through a divorce (Khulla I think) and there was mention that the girl should return all her jewelry, etc that the guy’s side gave. Although I don’t particularly care for them, but I would think all the jewelry was given as a gift so the guy’s side shouldn’t expect it to be returned? What is your opinion? Or any valid answer?
The girl doesnt have to give anything back if she doesn't want to. If she wants to keep it or sell it, then by all means, go for it. A gift is a gift. Will the groom return all the money he got from the girl's family for wedding gifts? I highly doubt it.
*THE *IDDAT OF A PREGNANT WOMAN
*For one who is pregnant the *iddat lasts till she delivers her baby, no matter how long it takes. The iddat of a pregnant woman will expire immediately she delivers the child, which in this particular case means the birth of the entire child. As long as the whole baby has not yet totally emerged from the mother, the iddat is not over. The expiry of iddat is not dependent upon her taking a bath for purification from nifaas (afterbirth impurity), even if the nifaas lasts for only a few seconds after birth. Nor is it necessary to wait for the expiry of the nifaas period. If the baby is born a few minutes after divorce then too, her iddat will expire and she may marry again. This iddat therefore has no specific duration. It all depends on the length of the pregnancy. The moment the wife completes her term of pregnancy, the iddat ends.
If the wife gives birth to a child that is partially formed, or a still-born, such a birth is enough to terminate the iddat. If she suffers a miscarriage before four months of pregnancy (120 days) the iddat will not be over. This is because according to the Shariah the fetus which is less than four months is not considered a baby. She must now sit out the iddat of either three haidh if she menstruates, or three months if she is not a menstruating woman.
If the wife is bearing more than one child (twins, triplets, etc.) then the iddat only expires upon the birth of the last child. All laws of iddat that apply to a normal birth or a natural miscarriage will apply to abortions. So, an abortion performed within four months would not terminate the iddat, while an abortion after four months would bring an end to the iddat.
**NOTE
**It is haraam to have an abortion after four months of pregnancy, since according to the hadeeth shareef the *rooh *is instilled into the fetus after this period. Within four months this will be permissible if the woman has a valid reason, such as ill-health or rape, for example. Once the *rooh *has entered the fetus it is now considered to be a human being, hence there can be no justification for taking the life of this human, which is what abortion represents. *Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam *termed this *Al wa'dul khafiy, *i.e. lesser degree infanticide
I think unless the guy and his family put it in the nikah contract that all the jewlery was to be kept by the girl in case of a divorce or they are ok with it even if it wasnt in the contract, she should return it. And so should the guy's side return all the major gifts (this part is my own opinion).
It was always my understanding that the divorce can be nullified during the iddat period if the couple so chooses (i.e. if she's pregnant and the couple seeks to reconcile).
As far as jewelry, there's no hard and fast rule, but if the wife has received her haq meh'r and the jewelry wasn't part of it - then she ought to return the jewelry. The same way she would expect to take back any gifts given by her parents to her, civility would demand that she leave behind gifts from his family.
This has been a recent topic of discussion, that the girl should return the jewelry etc since she is the one wanting to divorce etc. I dunno. A few years back my cousin(Mamu's daughter) sought khulla from her hubby (another mamoo's son) and the talk of the town was how low is she etc, she didnt return her jewelry....and to this day her ex MIL still casually mentions how she didnt give her the jewelry back...etc. It is crazy.
That is why on marriage you should only give what you can comfortably, don't go into debt trying to give the biggest jewelry set...I dunno.
As for the iddat....no one is going to a scholar it seems, just doing what they want. At 1st the girl's khala (crazy nut) was insisting in front of everyone that she get an abortion, at 6 months!!!! she was out of her mind....even took her to the doc (against her will) to find out if it is still possible. The doctor said it is impossible now and too dangerous for her and refused. NOW her khala is pretending to be so excited about the baby. I dunno and there are rumors that the khala already has a plan to get her married to her nephew. That is why i was wondering about iddat.
Regarding Iddat, besides being able to marry, does the iddat require a period where she has to be in solitude...or avoid being in front of na-mehram men, or is that a cultural thing?
In order for a khulla to be established.......the haq mehr or dowry.....needs to be returned by the wife...to the husband. In the case of a tallaq, it would be the other way around.
So...I'm guessing....that if the jewelry (given by the husband's family) was a part of her haq mehr.....then she needs to return it to him. IF...the jewelry was not part of the haq mehr.....then she's not obligated to return it to him.
If it were me......and the jewelry was give by my husband........I'd still give it back to him even if it wasn't part of the haq mehr. That relationship is over...and I'd want to move on from it. I'd want as few reminders as possible...and I would feel weird keeping it....like I don't have a right to it.
i thought haq mehr was a woman's right....so why would she have to return it? isn't is supposed to be a source of income/monetary support for such situations?
my cousin got divorced...and she kept the jewelry- she just paid them back whatever they paid for it.
i thought haq mehr was a woman's right....so why would she have to return it? isn't is supposed to be a source of income/monetary support for such situations?
my cousin got divorced...and she kept the jewelry- she just paid them back whatever they paid for it.
It depends. If the divorce is initiated by the husband....then it's called a talaq...and the husband gives the haq mehr.
If the the divorce is initiated by the wife...then it's called a khulla...and the haq mehr is returned to the husband. From what I've read...the returning of the mehr...is a condition for the khula in order for it to be valid. Gifts outside of the haq mehr, as Reha mentioned above, would not need to be returned. But if the wife does so...it's her choice.
I'm taking a class on Nikkah, and the haq mehr has nothing to do with divorce. It is a BRIDAL GIFT given to the bride from the groom. And it is hers to keep. The husband has to give it to her, and it must be stated on the nikkahnama. The husband will be accounted for this on the Day of Judgement, and if he does not give it to her during their marriage in the duniya, he will be punished.
A husband not giving his wife the haq mehr can be the basis for the wife to ask for a divorce.
The haq mehr should be something that is decided between the couple and should be based on each of their financial situations.
I'm taking a class on Nikkah, and the haq mehr has nothing to do with divorce. It is a BRIDAL GIFT given to the bride from the groom. And it is hers to keep. The husband has to give it to her, and it must be stated on the nikkahnama. The husband will be accounted for this on the Day of Judgement, and if he does not give it to her during their marriage in the duniya, he will be punished.
A husband not giving his wife the haq mehr can be the basis for the wife to ask for a divorce.
The haq mehr should be something that is decided between the couple and should be based on each of their financial situations.
why would you want to keep what they gave u anyway?
Exactly. I wouldn't want it.
I can understand a greater emotional attachment to the gifts in the event of a talaq....where the divorce is initiated by the husband (and the wife doesn't want to separate from him).
BUT.....a khula is a divorced initiated by the wife.....meaning she has issues with him/doesn't want him....so why keep the "gifts" as a reminder? I dunno...some people like to keep things that were once associated with happier times...or for materialistic gains maybe. Or the ex husband is not the kind to take gifts back...or the separation was a civil one and the girl and in-laws are still on decent/good terms (rare...but it can happen) and don't want the gifts returned.
My jewellery was at house at that time and they took all of it ! and I am not sure but one of my gold chain given by my parents is missing and I think I left it in my jewellery box over there so they took away that too. The gifts like a very small gold set , a gold chain & a watch given by his siblings were all taken away. On the other hand he himself kept each and every gift given by my family & relatives to him. I don't know why didn't anyone mentioned the gifts that are given to groom , why only the gifts that are given to bride are the topic of discussion ?
I was reading somewhere that if the wife has given a loan to her husband during marriage and the divorce happens the husband is supposed to return that too ! I did not get a paisa back of whatever I gave to him.
From my bari clothes , they left the stitched clothes but took away all the un stitched one including a sweater. whereas again he himself kept all the clothes & sweaters/jacket given to him by my parents.
According to islam and according to law GIFTS given to bride can not be taken back. It's her property now. But according to law in case of khula haq meher is to be let go of by the wife and it is not supposed to be paid to the husband , she is just suppose to withdraw her right on the haq mehar .