Re: Divorce on my mind
Salaam everyone,
I have been married 7.5 years and have 2 kids ages 4.5 and 2.5.
My marriage was rocky from the beginning. We have always fought about everything and anything you can think of because of his extremely critical and argumentative nature and my inability to ignore how incredibly petty he is. We literally do not see eye to eye on anything. We both now agree that the only good thing that ever came from this marriage is our two beautiful and smart daughters (Alhumdolilah for this blessing).
I have been so miserable for so long. I know I will never be happy with my husband. I don’t love him at all.
I have been a SAHM for the last 5 years. I don’t drive. I have a child with a mild disability that requires extra medical appointments. I have very little help from our parents. I feel constantly stressed, tired and depressed.
He is willing to try counseling but thinks I am the one that has all the issues (his narcissistic way of thinking) and maintains that I am the one that really needs therapy, not him.
I feel like he is the reason why I will not enter jannah. This is my biggest fear. I resent him for being such a terrible husband, that I am unable to be a good wife to him and for this reason, I will not enter jannah.
I also hate the negative impact it has on our girls (especially the older one who is extremely aware of our tumultuous relationship). I don’t want them to see a dysfunctional husband wife relationship.
I feel like I want to leave, but the timing isn’t right. I want to get my driver’s license first, then get a job and I am currently researching a surgery which could improve my older daughter’s condition, but it will cost us $150k because it is only available in the states and we are in canada. So when you take all the above into consideration, I can’t leave for a few years.
Has anyone been in a situation where they stayed for the kids? Prolonged the relationship and put off the divorce for a few years because it was not convenient? How do you get through the days? And then I wonder if it is worth it? My life will surely be so difficult as a single mom. Should I be patient and let him to continue to hurt me and endure all this? I just don’t think i am that strong a person. I want what is best for my daughters. Has anyone been in this situation? Is there a group for single moms or women going through troubled marriages? I honestly don’t know what to do.
you need to first carefully see the pros and cons of staying in this marriage and living a life as a single mom. And see which situation you find most difficult to deal with. From your post its evident that you have come to a point where you absolutely see no hope that your marriage can turn to a normal one and the only reason you are thinking to prolong it is your kids. Why are you thinking that if you get a divorce, then you will have to take care of the kids responsibilities yourself? Your husband can and should fulfill all the financial responsibilities of the daughters even after you two separates. He should even share the non financial responsibilities of the kids with you. If you divorce, this doesn’t mean that only you have to take care of the kids.