Okay, I’m going to make a confession. I totally underestimated the power of divorce on children. It makes their heads spin, it makes them go crazy and lose control of themselves. I mean, not always, if the parent handles it right. But I don’t think kids can handle watching their mother with another man aside from their father, and vice versa. I think from what I’ve seen, it is actually worse for a child when the mother is seeing or married to another man. Its totally difficult for them to adjust, and they can get really aggressive or depressed.
I’m talking about little kids. I feel so bad for the little idiots.
..that's very true. especially when the kids are at a young age - old enough to understand that mommy and daddy are seeing other people, but too young to understand the actual reasoning of what is happening.
it breaks them apart because they think it's there fault for the things that are happening.
..and i don't think that there can ever be an amicable divorce when there are kids involved. that's just an oxymoron...
I say more power to the women. They should do what feels right and in the best interest of their ownself. Who cares about them little buggers? Is it not the motto of the liberated islamic women?
See, I never got the whole "they think its their fault". I think today's kids are smart enough to know that its not their fault. I think many of them just suffer RAGE that their parents could chose to satisfy themselves with a divorce and not pay attention to the child's wants (i.e. that he/she wants BOTH parents in the same house).
^..true, kids are smart these days. but when your family/home environment is not stable, when mom and dad are always bickering and arguing with each other - i believe that it does affect the kid(s). maybe some kids are able to move on with, especially those that are in their teenage year and beyond. but kids that are like 5-10 years of age - well they've always seen mom and dad together, and now they're breaking apart. it's natural that a kid feels like somehow he's partly to blame.
and just to add another comment to your first post - if the child's life is being harmed, or emotionally being scared by being in a relationship - divorce is not always such a bad thing. it could actually be good for the kid.
^...those are just dumb. they're not even realistic.. shakes head
why do people like that have kids anyway, when they know that they're gonna break up down the road anyways?
I agree with the majority here. If two ppl are driving each other crazy. . . if there's abuse. . etc. then yeah, i think it's bad for the kids and that they may handle divorce better in the long run
But the there's just no chemistry crapp. . . that's just crapp.
And I think that it also depends greatly on how parents handle it. If they are still at each other's throats after the divorce, well then that's pointless for the kid isn't it? Their parents are still fighting and now they're not even living together. And if the parents jump into other relationships right away, that's irresponsible too because you gotta realize that it's not just you, you gotta child too and sometimes you gotta slow down and go at their pace. That goes for the mother as well as the father.
Well i wudnt wanna use anything that mite mess with my chances of having kids later on (i dont trust the stuff written that says its safe and improves chances of conception) but yeah u cud include pills, diaphrams, IUDs, the patch etc if all u want is ot NOT get pregnant but if ur gnna sleep with a bunch of different guys ro grls, then condoms r the only thing tha tprotect against pregnancy AND HIV/STDs
not 100% effective though. there’s nothing that can keep you safe from AIDS or STD’s …except making sure that the person you’re sleeping with doesn’t have the disease
…and of course abstinence…
ms sara, you are very wise to beware of birth control. I used depo provera before we were ready to have kids and it caused infertility. i ended up having to see an infertility specialist, giving myself daily injections of strong hormones and blood tests 6-10 times a month for almost a year to be able to finally get pg. it was hell - very worthwhile - but hell nonetheless.
^ Yeah... every one says kids are kismat, Allah ke taraf se , so they'll happen whether u use birht control or not (coz artificial bc is never 100 % effective) , but i still dont think its a gud idea to take such a risk.. thats why (i feel anyway) u shudn't get married til ur open to the idea that kids will come either in 9 months or 9 yrs.. .. i think its retarded when coupels say naah not yet.. if u dont want kids yet, dont get married period.. if birht controls gnna be used, then i wud think condoms r best, coz its an external barrier, its no chemicals n stuff that'll mess with ur system
how about the effect on kids from seeing mom and dad barely be able to stand each other, bicker, curse, throw things around and yet spend a miserable life in the same house....
where the kids finally come to learn why dad stays out so late ...and why mom is turning into a depressive obese lady who turns to food.
i feel a divorce is a better option in such a case,,,,much better. let the kids know that sometimes people dont get along and its only natural. it can all be done in a very civil manner.
why do people like that have kids anyway, when they know that they're gonna break up down the road anyways? <<<
What do the two things have to do with each other? They are totally separate. Kids should be able to deal with difficulties in their lives and it's not like there's a formula:
Divorce -> messed up kids
Staying in marriage -> guaranteed functional children
Even if there is some trauma, it is short lasting (approximately two years). Research proves time and time again that dysfunctional adolescents and children were that way before as well. Divorce is a stressor, but it is not that big of a calamity it's made out to be. The only negative aspect is the woman losing out big time financially most of the time. If there's anything that messes kids up, it's the hand-to-mouth-lone-mother syndrome. NOT divorce.
