Last night a family friend’s wife called me for second time to ask me to speak to a friend of mine.
She thinks that this friend is misusing her situation to keep in touch with her husband who has been advising this friend on and off over the past few years.
This friend of mine is 27 and unmarried, been through child abuse when she was younger and had some serious psychological problems. This family friend who lives in another country advised her as part of his proffession but his wife keep saying that she is misusing her situation to keep in touch with him, become more friendly and acts like he is her bf! Now he is 47 and so not like a man who would fall for it anyways!
What surprised me was that she has been in touch with him daily informing him about some stuff happening in her life while the impression she gave me was that she is too busy to keep in touch these days and will get back to me when she has time and energy.
I think she has some serious issues that she perhaps wanted to discuss with him but also becomes very friendly and open. She once said she sees him as a father as her own relationship to her dad is non-exisiting.
What worries me is that she doesnt feel the openness to discuss things with me eventhough I considered her to be close to me. Instead she shove me off for the past many months telling me that she is busy, tired and exhausted and will contact me once she got energy and time. I said ok to this as I understand that she needs space for her studies and work but I do react on the fact that she isnt like that with others.
Also I felt like thie family friend’s wife was giving me ‘taana’ that I have a friend like that even though she didnt say a word like that…perhaps that fear is in me cuz my mum used to find negative stuff in all my friends and told me to stay away from them…
I really want to be there for this friend as I care a lot for her. but feeling sad that she doesnt feel that openness despite the fact that I opened up a lot to her and she still doesnt do that.
I am going for a friends trip next week and this friend is joining me there. is there anything I should say/do so she feels comfort that I am there for her? though I think she already knows that!
The woman who called wants me to talk directly to her and tell her not to contact her husband anymore…should I tell her that?
First you could subtly tell her to share her problems with you rather than with that guy. If she still doesn't understand tell her directly to stay away from him. Better to tell her and look rude and mean rather than have a marriage break up.
First thing first......i think you are feeling neglected because your friend confides in that guy more than in you.......(no offence)
second thing... you can just poliltely tell your friend that the guy's wife feels uncomfortable due to teh contact of the friend with the guy......so like tell her that she needs to reconsider it as it could be damaging for her reputation and cause problem for that guy.....
P.S......... There are two issues involved...1) your friend not being open to you 2) the wife of teh guy complaing............you are mixing these two.........keep thems separate.
I suggest you not push your feelings into a situation that has nothing to do with you. Its not about you at all.
You're just helping your family friend's wife out. The other friend of yours has every right to confide in whoever she pleases. She is not bound to tell you anything.
The woman who called wants me to talk directly to her and tell her not to contact her husband anymore....should I tell her that?
Sometimes we prefer to discuss certain things/issues with some friends and not others. I don't tell friends that I consider to be "really close" every detail bout my life. She's not obligated to share everything with you.
I don't get it. Why is the guy's wife asking YOU to tell your friend not to contact her husband anymore? It raises questions about her relationship with her husband. If she is that concerned about her husband's frequent communication with your friend.....then she needs to discuss it with him. Or she can talk to your friend herself.......especially since you weren't even aware of this situation. Dragging another person (being YOU) into this is going to make things even stickier. It'll become more drama than it already is.
Tell your friend that the guy's wife called and said that she wants her to stop calling her husband. And also tell your friend that you felt uncomfortable about the phone call.......and that you prefer not to get involved in this situation (hopefully you don't want to get involved). That would send the message that the girl needs to sort things out. Don't hope for this to be a "bonding/now she'll finally confide in me" opportunity with your friend......your involvement in this drama can also create problems for you.
And if the guy's wife bugs you again in the future...just tell her that you don't control your friend....that you have no part/involvement in this...and that she needs to speak directly to the parties involved (her husband/friend) if she's that worried.
Take note of what red velvet has wrote, also when his wife calls you again cant you just give her your friends number and tell her to deal with it herself.
Her husband has already told the girl to stop contacting her and he was telling me that she wont contact him again.
Reason why I started to think about myself was his wife's comment: "She is playing double games with you. telling you that she is busy with her work and other stuff and cant keep in touch with you but still e-mailing, texting and calling my husband a lot and she is a smart girl who knows what she is doing etc etc etc...."
Since I have missed meeting her and talking to her in general that comment really struck me , hence I felt that she isnt making time for me but for him....u have a point..of course this isnt about me...and neither was the purpose of this post...I intended to find out how to deal with the situation cuz both r good friends and I dont want to end up in the mess and I was just thinking that if she had confided in me (or someone else but not him) the situation would have arisen...
I suggest you not push your feelings into a situation that has nothing to do with you. Its not about you at all.
You're just helping your family friend's wife out. The other friend of yours has every right to confide in whoever she pleases. She is not bound to tell you anything.
Well some of my posts are about situations I am in, hence about me....but since you say that I do that a lot could you let me know when I have done in cases where the situation isnt about me and still i make it about me? would be nice to know
Well some of my posts are about situations I am in, hence about me....but since you say that I do that a lot could you let me know when I have done in cases where the situation isnt about me and still i make it about me? would be nice to know
You want me to go back and pull up posts just to show you where? :)
Im not saying this to be mean to you. Just try to make sure you dont become the main character in this drama because you're not.
i agree with posts above, get rid of them. don't get involved in other people's problems..
i once came across a similar story.. in the end, it tunred out that she was just acting innocent and she had made up the story about being raped to gain sympathy from people. she was basically someone completely ruthless and paranoid. a nutcase.
I have decided not to speak to her as the husband told me he had already told her not to and he thinks that she wont contact her.
I know that some of her problems are real and thats why I got worried that she should speak to someone who is nearby like me or someone else nearby instead of someone living so far away (that didnt really come out correctly earlier which made ppl think that only reason is that I want to be invovled)
Anyways, I am not up for this...especially while being pregnant.....
it will serve everyone... the worried wife would have not to be worried again, you won't be worried about spoiling relationship with the family, your friend would be talking to Nomica, who would be busy with her and not on GS.. i feel sorry for your friend though.... :)
@ Chameli... probably its about time to realize .... and pls stop exagurating things... if there is an issue then just clear things up... its not a biggy
