Ok. Since my other thread invoked this topic, I would like that to be discussed here in this thread.
There are a lot of things that are not discussed openly to solve the problem so that it doesn’t happen again.
For example (the example happens in every single country but I’ll use Pakistan for conversation sake), when a girl/woman is rapped in Pakistan, why is she told to keep quiet? Some do report the rape to police but most stay quiet. Why do you think that is? I know it’s a very tragic thing that can happen to anyone and I don’t mean to make fun of it but if it’s not reported, it’ll encourage the raper to rape other innocent girls. On the other hand, if he’s reported, he’ll learn a lesson and not do it again. Not only rape, child molestation, One spouse cheating on the other spouse (man cheating on woman in most cases), and a lot of other crimes. Why do you think people don’t report these crimes? Because of fear, “log kia kahen gey”, “izzat mitti mein mil jaye gee”, no one will marry the victim (what’s victim’s fault ), corruption, threats, or anything else?
I may have forgotton to cover all the points that support my questions and ofcourse exceptions do exist, but if I’ve forgotton to cover anything or anyone misunderstands anything that I’ve asked, I’ll clarify it as I go.
First, my apologies for my earlier blunder about your gender:blush:
I’ve been watching for replies to this thread and its curious that there arent any as yet! I dont think people really know why taboos arent discussed. But breaking that tradition (or habit or whatever it is) could only be a good thing. But of course, when I go over there, if I start in, I’m considered a loud-mouthed and somewhat rude american gori. So sadly, I keep my mouth shut too since they are my husband’s family. I am raising my boys to be open and honest and hopefully will talk to my husband or myself about whatever they want without fear or embarrassment - maybe they can be the ones to start breaking out of this mold.
Well, As I’ve said before, I think we should definitely discuss such problems. I will for sure tell my children to tell me any problem/concern they have and I’ll value their opinion.
There is no doubt in my mind that most of these issues, like the ones you mentioned, Sohail, should be discussed and addressed. Hiding them or ignoring them makes the problems more complex and difficult to handle.
I guess it’s the mentality of some people in Pakistan who keep quiet. Is that because of “log kia kahengey, hamari izzat mitti mein mil jaye gee” ? But sometimes those criminals threat people and therefore they have to stay quiet and not say a word. I think police has a lot to do with it. They support those criminals, directly as well indirectly. If somone files an FIR, first police asks for money, then criminals pay them MORE money and get the case closed. If police wasn’t corrupt, I think we wouldn’t have as many problems as we do today in this age. Ofcourse there are exceptions in Police as well.
To FF, I am am american of european descent. My ties to Pak are thru my dear husband who grew up there. He came here for college then he stayed here to work...
A bit more on the subject...I can understand when a girl doesnt report a rape as that would (or might) harm her marriage prospects. But what about child molestation, homosexuality, aids, drug abuse etc? Sex education isnt on the menu over there either and I doubt that parents educate their kids about these matters. The children who live in the compound with the homosexual pedophile that I mentioned have no idea that he's a danger to them. Thats just one situation but most if not all of the people i met over there are extremely reluctant to discuss anything distasteful and will change the subject at every opportunity. Like they think maybe if they talk about it, it makes them partially guilty also? Or touched by filth? I dont know...
as far as rape goes, perhaps consideration for the victim is foremost in some of the cases that dont see light. our culture is such that the poor girl would be psychologically crushed instead of supported if airay ghairay get wind of it. you're dealing with a lot as it is, you dont need 'aye haye rasheeda tujhe kehte thay inna surma na lagaya karo'.
at the same time i dont think there is any way justice can be served (not that it usually is in pakistan) without the criminal being reported. IF that can be done without invoking the baradari's fecking curiosity then that should be done.
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*Originally posted by Shikra: *
when a girl/woman is rapped in Pakistan, why is she told to keep quiet? Some do report the rape to police but most stay quiet. Why do you think that is?
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Well in most countries no matter how developed women don't like to talk about rape. There is debate about this in the UK as well. The difference in Pakistan is, if the rapist has connections then the girl will probably have even more to lose than if she kept quiet. Police in Pakistan have a bad rep and in the recent cases which made the headlines it was journalists who spoke out like in the Mukhtar Mai case.
Dutch Paki you see that’s the stupid mentality of some idiots who think it’s girl’s fault. Some may argue that why was she in mini skirts and just a bra, ofourse someone would wanna rape her but come on. She has the right to wear whatever she wants (talking about western girls here as well as desi) and it’s men who should have self control. And shame on those people who decide to break up the engagement or marriage just because the girl was rapped instead of supporting her in every way possible and giving her more love so that she recovers from this trauma as quickly as possible.
dutch, mamaof3, and ravage you three are absolutely right about the threatening issue and that’s where the the police comes in and criminals having more power than the police. I am not saying that this problem will be solved overnight, no, not at all. Stories will be made, girls will be rejected, the society will have to give up a lot to bring the change. You can’t gain anything without giving up anything. Pakistani nation will have to (should) change their mentality (yeah yeah yeah, exceptions). Revage you are so right about the biraadri butting in and relatives wanting to have a good time about all the incidents. It’s very sad.
Xtreme True. Girls here in US don’t always speak up as well. They should, but some still hesitate, regardless of this country being a developed and open minded nation. True, police has bad reputation and one would think that they’d do something to improve their reputation and gain the trust of people in them? One honest person (if any) in police can’t change the whole force, everyone will have to work hard.
I wish I was the president of Pakistan and everyone supported me, for the sake of Pakistan, without dividing into groups. I’ll straighten everyone like an arrow.
I know that the rape of females is under-reported worldwide. And in muslim countries, there is the added problems because of the view that the girl likely "asked for it" (GRRRRRR!!)
but also, there seems to be an abundance of homosexual pedophilia in muslim countries which is so very ignored. I think that separating the sexes so much MAY irritate this problem, and make young boys more attractive to some men who in other countries would maybe go for the young girls. But lack of exposure to young girls makes them unknown mysteries and lots of exposure to young boys makes them known and attractive. Maybe I'm wrong. I mean the problem isnt ONLY in muslim countries, I dont mean to imply that. It just looks to me like the problem is addressed, discussed and prosecuted so much more in non-muslim countries.
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*Originally posted by Mamaof3: *
I mean the problem isnt ONLY in muslim countries, I dont mean to imply that. It just looks to me like the problem is addressed, discussed and prosecuted so much more in non-muslim countries.
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I don't know about that. Thailand and Phillipines and places in South America have a big problem with paedos arriving mainly from Europe and America so being a 3rd world country probably accounts for some it.
How bad it is in Pakistan I have no idea, it goes unreported at large, unlike child slavery or honour killings.
Mamaof3 & Xtreme You are right about men molesting boys. I guess this is the reason I can think of: In Pakistan and a lot of other places, father and sons don't have a very frank and friendly relationship. They have I-am-your-dad-and-we-can't-be-friends-you-must-not-be-frank-with-me. This doesn't apply to everyone but to most relationships. When you have that typical Father-son relationship instead of having a friends like relationship, kids get scared and start hiding things from dads. I've seen this happening a lot. So I think when a boy is molested, he'll be scared to tell this to his dad because his dad WILL get mad at him. Not because the boy did something wrong, but because the dad will be angry at the whole situation. And when a child doesn't doesn't tell his dad what's going on, nothing can be done and the molester keeps fulfilling his disgusting desires.
Dutch There's a saying in Urdu: Aawey ka aawa hi bigra hua hai.
), corruption, threats, or anything else?
