I don’t understand this obsession with discouraging other people, in Pakistani culture. And Pakistanis are such suckers for this discouragement too.
Har koi dekho tho, is telling you “oh don’t do that, you wont be a good mom”; “oh, don’t do that, you wont make as much money”; “oh don’t do that, that’s not what good people do”, and nevermind the fact that whatever you want to do is perfectly halaal. “Oh don’t do this or don’t say that, because laug kya kaheinge”.
I mean what the hell? I have yet to really see desi unification on encouraging our upcoming generation to do the best they can in whatever they endeavor to do in their lives. Self-fulfillment is really NOT haraam. Especially, if everyone went out and lived their dream, it would be more beneficial for our community than the present manner of materialistic jaahil type of living that Pakistanis do.
I’m an engilsh major, but I tell ammi to tell everyone that i’m doing pre-law (which I am :halo: ) jus so she can have somethin to tell ppl lolz.. no harm in that..
I have issues with pakistani fashion, esp bridal… EVERYONE wears the xact same thing, dulhan ko chitti honi chaye, dark colors honay chaiye, blahfkingblah.. Gosh i’ve said ti so many times, i feel soo repetitive
Har koi dekho tho, is telling you "oh don't do that, you wont be a good mom"; "oh, don't do that, you wont make as much money"; "oh don't do that, that's not what good people do", and nevermind the fact that whatever you want to do is perfectly halaal. "Oh don't do this or don't say that, because laug kya kaheinge".
I mean what the hell? I have yet to really see desi unification on encouraging our upcoming generation to do the best they can in whatever they endeavor to do in their lives. Self-fulfillment is really NOT haraam. Especially, if everyone went out and lived their dream, it would be more beneficial for our community than the present manner of materialistic jaahil type of living that Pakistanis do.
PCG just let them be, and be polite and smile and then do what you want to do.
PCG, you raise a good point, i can relate to what your saying.
For example we are financially well off, my parents have worked hard and have always encouraged me, my brother and sisters do they the same, yet i noticed whilst growing up so every often that some poeple in our neighbourhood would make snide remarks to me and my sisters as to why we even bother to educate ourselves, work hard when our parents have done so when we can simply live off their/our wealth. I would occasionally tell them to mind their own business if they can’t praise the next person for doing well for themselves, at times it used to play on my mind…i know it did for my sisters.
It used to be a flaw in my personality that i would rather remain quiet, than to answer these so called pillars of our community, ie old timers or aunties with a derogative remark…but no longer, i personally don’t care anymore what these people think or say and now if anyone does make a remark of any such nature they end up seeing stars.
That’s my two cents worth for the day, i could have added more to the topic but there’s a cookie jar in my vicinity with my name on it.
Because it's our favourite passtime to belittle others or somehow bug them irregardless of how good, bad, perfect, or imperfect they may be, else we'd have trouble surviving.
I think part of this mentality stems from the fact that many people of our parents generation just wanted to survive. Whereas our generation wants to express and 'find ourselves'. Our parents went through tough political, economic times. Education was expensive and not everyone had the luxury of education. So they didn't go to college to get a philosophy or art degree. They wanted a specific career in order to make money. They wanted to feed their families, send money back home to parents, buy a home and just have stability and predictability.
Now, we're spoiled. We know for sure that there are jobs out there. We know that our parents will let us live with them until we're 45. We view the world as a place to discover, to have fun, to enjoy. For our parents it was struggle after struggle. I think they usually have our best intention at heart. Ofcourse when you say materialistic and jahil, that exists too. But my family has always been very open and encouraging for us to do what we wanted. As long as we were happy. Because they never had that luxury.
Har koi dekho tho, is telling you "oh don't do that, you wont be a good mom"; "oh, don't do that, you wont make as much money"; "oh don't do that, that's not what good people do", and nevermind the fact that whatever you want to do is perfectly halaal. "Oh don't do this or don't say that, because laug kya kaheinge".
I mean what the hell? I have yet to really see desi unification on encouraging our upcoming generation to do the best they can in whatever they endeavor to do in their lives. Self-fulfillment is really NOT haraam. Especially, if everyone went out and lived their dream, it would be more beneficial for our community than the present manner of materialistic jaahil type of living that Pakistanis do.
it's struggle for life PCG, if you discourage others to succeeed then there is more chance for you to do so!!:D
actually backbiting aunties are very smart...when they put down others children...it's just to make the way clear for their own to be succeeding;)
don't let yourself put down! it's what others want;) be strong and firm;)
actually backbiting aunties are very smart...when they put down others children...it's just to make the way clear for their own to be succeeding;)
don't let yourself put down! it's what others want;) be strong and firm;)
Coming from someone who harps on about religion and dutiful women and virtuous stay at home moms and anti-career theologies, I find these comments from you to be disturbing. To say the least.
Har koi dekho tho, is telling you "oh don't do that, you wont be a good mom"; "oh, don't do that, you wont make as much money"; "oh don't do that, that's not what good people do", and nevermind the fact that whatever you want to do is perfectly halaal. "Oh don't do this or don't say that, because laug kya kaheinge".
I mean what the hell? I have yet to really see desi unification on encouraging our upcoming generation to do the best they can in whatever they endeavor to do in their lives. Self-fulfillment is really NOT haraam. Especially, if everyone went out and lived their dream, it would be more beneficial for our community than the present manner of materialistic jaahil type of living that Pakistanis do.
Have you ever thought that 'they may care for you', and say those things for you to think it through.
PGC ur soooo right, ive had so many arguments with people about....oh is this the done thing or ummm that's not desi enough....even in my own family espesh the ones from Pakistan they are worse.
There is a specific criteria on how we have to behave like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh sometimes I jus wanna rebel and rub in in their faces.....
like Oh another thing I hate is when my parents say 'Log kya kahein gey' grrrrrrrrrrrrrr that really gets up my nose.
"Why do you want to become a teacher? You're smart. Don't waste your life doing that!"
Also, "You can't get any graduate degrees in English Literature! Those don't exist!"
Or, "Chup chap apna kaam karo. No need to change the world."
Can't tell you how many times I've heard stuff like this from aunties, uncles, family, etc. To be fair, the last one comes partly from fear, and not just selfishness.
I try to keep in mind that they have a limited perspective upon the world, and many of them are so pessimistic they've lost faith in other people.
There's also the fact that many careers that are productive and beneficial in the US are very unpredictable in Pakistan. The reliable ones seem to be "doctor" or "engineer." Whereas, often, if you're willing to work hard and pursue a talent, you have a good chance of being successful in the US.
I do think that girls have a little more freedom in the case of choosing careers and majors because they are not presumed to be the primary bread-winners and can be a bit more experimental.
cause religion and family is nothing against self achievement…it’s perfectly possible to do halaal things that makes you happy…
but if you think self achievement and islamic lifetyle are incompatible…;whatever flaot your boat:snooty:
ps, career is not the only important thing in life PCG…i really hope you’ll realise it before it’s too late for you…cause it’s not your boss who will comfort you when you’re deadly sick or old and invalid…it’s not your boss who care for you after a tiring day…it’s not your boss who take you on holiday trip…and remenber money do not buy happiness
…how many times my parents said these kinda stuff…and they’re not even desi:D
i think all parents worry about their kids when it comes to their future…that’s why they hope the best for our careers…but it doesnt mean they know all about job opportunities, and our own aspiration for future…which can be rather different from theirs…
try to put yourself in perspective…and remember to do only what you like…cause forcing you to do stuff you hate, is likely to lead to failure:teary1:
cause religion and family is nothing against self achievement…it’s perfectly possible to do halaal things that makes you happy…
…how many times my parents said these kinda stuff…and they’re not even desi:D