Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

[Southie]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

God helps those who help themselves?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

@Pisiform

Guy has the right to know. I have seen quite a few thread lately about family/parents encouraging girl/guy to lie about something major in past or trying to cover-up. This is what scares me about arranged marriages. If I get into arranged marriage thing, I would go Magnum PI on the girl

You just have to recognize natures of people when you talk to them. You’re going into medicine, and unless you do something like pathology, you’ll learn to identify people’s true natures very well with one conversation. :k: Don’t worry. Just don’t get fooled by beauty.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

@Deeba1234

Depends PCG, some people actually get a lot worse after marriage because of the extra stress and responsibility. I have a cousin who had severe OCD which hadn't been dealt with properly before marriage and after marriage it became a lot worse.. People who work in mental health wouldn't recommend marriage to a person who has unresolved issues like that because as already mentioned marriage will tend to add extra stress.. I think for a typical desi girl who'll move in with inlaws it would be even more to deal with.. Family support does help a lot but is it that likely that the inlaws/new husband will be that understanding about an issue that was deliberately hidden from them?

Based on what's mentioned about the girl under discussion, yes, I think a marriage would certainly add to the problems. Having said that if they're open about it with a guy who they think can handle it, it could be helpful for a guy to get involved if the root cause of the trouble is low self-esteem. But that means divulging details about her health to other families and doesn't take much time for word to spread.

Which will cause things to snowball for her.

That's why I think she should take the time to heal mentally first, and once more mentally strong, then persue marriage.

Family needs to look at the root causes - what is the source of the low self-esteem? What does she cite as reasons for wanting to kill herself? Does she have a plan? Does she have access to weapons? What is her spiritual health? etc etc.

[Pisiform]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

@PyariCgudia

You just have to recognize natures of people when you talk to them. You’re going into medicine, and unless you do something like pathology, you’ll learn to identify people’s true natures very well with one conversation. :k: Don’t worry. Just don’t get fooled by beauty.

word and pathology sucks.

[Sara516]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

Based on what's mentioned about the girl under discussion, yes, I think a marriage would certainly add to the problems. Having said that if they're open about it with a guy who they think can handle it, it could be helpful for a guy to get involved if the root cause of the trouble is low self-esteem. But that means divulging details about her health to other families and doesn't take much time for word to spread.

Which will cause things to snowball for her.

That's why I think she should take the time to heal mentally first, and once more mentally strong, then persue marriage.

Family needs to look at the root causes - what is the source of the low self-esteem? What does she cite as reasons for wanting to kill herself? Does she have a plan? Does she have access to weapons? What is her spiritual health? etc etc.

Agree 100%. This HAS to be worked on before she can get married, because if it's serious suicidal/low self esteem, etc it's not going to get magically better by geting married.

The parents don't seem to think this is much of a problem.....do they think marriage will "fix" her?

[RazorSharp]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

May be parents think its ‘rishta depression’ ??

[ninjamummy]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

I have read each and every comment.

Thank you to all for the wonderful and sincere feedback.

The parents are not super close, but we do know them, and we are quite close to the daughter which is why we are aware of the daughter's problems. This is not about my own daughter , she could be anyone's daughter.

As mentioned she suffers from many issues. Much of this is due her treatment by her parents, especially her mother. The daughter is not the daughter her mother craved for and nor is she the son the parents always wanted.

The parents want her married and gone. They have not cared much for the respect of their daughter, considering the way she is treated by them.

The rishta talks are ongoing, and very serious. I cannot make them or the daughter disclose the history. Having spoken to the the young woman, given her the above advice without mentioning GS, she is not willing to disclose anything. Have stressed to her the deceit involved in this. She is convinced everything will come to an end if she does, she does feel guilty for hiding this.

Will wait and see what happens.

[Sara516]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

That's so sad. :( May Allah make her life easier and better. Horrible, how parents can treat their own children.

[Paheli00]

Re: Disclosing depression history in rishta talks>

she is not willing to disclose anything.

Looks like there's nothing more for you to do but sit back and watch this train wreck. She's making this choice out of her own free-will as an adult.....there will be no one to blame if/when things go south. At least you have a clear conscience knowing that you did all you could.