Re: Disciplining Children
^i might be wrong here, but is she only being left alone when she is being punished?
Re: Disciplining Children
^no she plays sometimes on her own and playfully shuts the door.
but it is when she is doing something wrong and she is made to sit she creates havoc.
Re: Disciplining Children
^ok just remember to Praise good behaviour and ignore wrong behaviour continue being consistent, also u and ur partner got to work together as a team in dealing with her behaviour(which can be the hard bit)....
plan activites with her, with the two of you, then gruadually stand back and let har play by her self. Give her small tasks e.g. give her a cloth and let her clean the kitchen cupboards, when u r in the kitchen. or give her a little pot with some lentils and a wodden spoon (remember this is a learning process for children, so try not to tell them off especially if they are under 2. if they make a mess dont make a fuss about it)
use positive words e.g.
use "be kind" instead of no hitting"
"walk" instead of "no running"
"lookafter ur toys" instead of "dont throw ur toys"
reason being Children only remember the last words that are being said to them so if u tell a child "no running" in most cases they will contiue running, coz they have heared the word "running" last...
Re: Disciplining Children
An activity with ur Daughter today~ give her a few dishes in a bowl of soapy water and a cloth, if she makes a mess dont tell her off. Play with her in the beginning, then when u feel she is ready to be left alone(with u still in the room) let her continue playing...
let us know how u get on...:)
^ok just remember to Praise good behaviour and ignore wrong behaviour continue being consistent, also u and ur partner got to work together as a team in dealing with her behaviour(which can be the hard bit)....
plan activites with her, with the two of you, then gruadually stand back and let har play by her self. Give her small tasks e.g. give her a cloth and let her clean the kitchen cupboards, when u r in the kitchen. or give her a little pot with some lentils and a wodden spoon (remember this is a learning process for children, so try not to tell them off especially if they are under 2. if they make a mess dont make a fuss about it)
use positive words e.g.
use "be kind" instead of no hitting"
"walk" instead of "no running"
"lookafter ur toys" instead of "dont throw ur toys"
reason being Children only remember the last words that are being said to them so if u tell a child "no running" in most cases they will contiue running, coz they have heared the word "running" last...
that is actually quite valuable. little things make all the difference. going to try the activity tomorrow.
Re: Disciplining Children
I sort of semi-agree with some of what is being said above.
The case is that children are seeking attention. At the tender ages it is not important for children to get positive attention. Any attention is better than no attention. So the greatest punishment you dish out to a child is to ignore him or her.
However, this will lead to psychological deficiencies. We should not resort to punishment on the first opportunity. When a child explores and goes through cupboards he or she is trying to either get attention or get some fun or both.
This is a sign that you need to leave and literally drop everything that you are doing and go and sit and play with the child for while. Give him or her some time ... this should be the first thing you do before even thinking about 'time out' first think about 'time in'.
Use your interactive skills to divert the attention of the child towards play that will be safer for the child, without making a fuss over the things you do not want him or her to be doing. Making a fuss will only flame the curiosity and make them do it more. It will lead you towards punishing the child with a 'time out' that could have been avoided simply by adopting a diversion technique.
If however, all attempts fail and the child is still doing something that will harm her or him or your belongings then you can employ some sort of negative mechanism. LAST RESORT.
You will find it is not needed. Those people who do 'time out' often will find that there is more reactive caring rather than proactive caring and I am all for proactive caring. Especially up until the age of 6 or 7 for the child.
Re: Disciplining Children
^ that sounds like my husband. i just find "dropping everything to be with child" impractical.i mean attention is good but too much of it can be bad, dont u think?
^ that sounds like my husband. i just find "dropping everything to be with child" impractical.i mean attention is good but too much of it can be bad, dont u think?
Peace Sister
Impractical is the key word here. I find going to work impractical also. But it has to be done.
My parents used to tell me not to pick up children too much it will give them "godh ki aadat" but you know what it never did, rather instead it made them want to be even more explorative.
There are only two bad things with children ... no attention and negative attention i.e. "time out" or some sort of "disciplinary action" ... but by giving 'good positive attention whenever the child needs it' how can that ever be a bad thing?
Some people like my parents will say oh they will make it a habit ... but I assure you it will give them the best psyche for future life.
Children develop in 3 stages ... psychomotor skills begin to develop first but affection is required later and cognitive stimulus kicks in after that ... Giving disciplinary action to a 2 year old is a cognitive approach to a person who is better approached from an Affectionate angle.
This is where I believe the hadith on the three stages love, discipline and friendship completely superimposes the learning model in Blooms Taxonomy. I think this is another facet of the miraculous nature of the teachings of Muhammad (SAW) someone would have thought him a child development psychologist but he was not. In fact people are just realsing this now ...
The Super Nanny approach is good but it does try to give the 'responsible parent' some of her/his own time when in fact children should be supervised as much as possible.
If a child is sent to school they are expected to be supervised around the clock so why a different standard for ourselves?
The only bad in giving all attention to a young child is that you will get less things done ... I think on a relative scale of things that is not that bad at all.
Re: Disciplining Children
Best thing to do as i mentioned earlier, is to observe ur child, and see what her interest's and need's are. if a child's need's are not being met, then that child will attention seek and in most cases will show bad behaviour to get ur attention(in which case u should be trying to meet these need's instead of showing authority) have a set rountine for her, breakfast, bath, playtime, etc.. etc..
p.s. have u thought of taking her to a playgroup, where she can mix with other children?
@ colourful eyes tried the cloth activity today. seemed to have worked. so did the negative /positive approach. thank you guys for those suggestions. yep i take her out to play groups.
psyah i appreciate your suggestion, definitely food for thought.
Re: Disciplining Children
^glad to have helped:wink: