my friends wife gave me the phone number of a girl a few months ago and it was decided that we will talk until we are able to see each other.I liked talking with her and she was very much my type, had almost all the qualities which i would like in my wife.But I never flirted with her or gave her any assurances
and always told her that without a face2face meeting we cannot proceede further.
Unexpectedly this meeting was delayed for about 3 months and we talked all this time.When I finally met her I didnt find her attractive and dont want to pursue this matter further.
But how can I tell this to her in a way that will “soften the blow”
any ideas ?
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Define not attracted to her? Is it purely physical or is it also chemistry?
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^i think i made it pretty clear , she is almost perfect in chemistry but i dont find her physically attractive
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See her face to face and tell her what you just told us. Don't waste your and her time.
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Dont take it personally but the best way, without hurting her would be to tell her that you just realized you are gay. Anything else would hurt her and she would think you're breaking away because you dont find her attractive.
just say to her, that as uve got to know her so well, u like her more as a friend, and dont want to risk ruining ur gr8 friendship for something which probably wont work out and that ur frendship is something u really value.
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When I finally met her I didnt find her attractive .
for that..............get a mask for her
^^ He wanted to marry her … not to wrestle 
and chances are you will fall in love with a beautiful girl with zero personality :halo:
Dont tell her that you find her unattractive. It would upset her immensly. Maybe just tell her that you need a bit of space and that maybe as you were approaching the next level in the relationship, you have realised that you are not exactly too sure you are ready yet. people are always changing so its possible!
Slowly disconnect from her. Call her less, and less and less…
Just please dont be unkind to her!
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^^^ it’s what i mean …cover her face with an attractive mask & marry her, what she only lacks is good looks
otherwise according to him ,she’s all perfect
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^ attractive or unattractive is not solely about face ...meray bholay bhai
thanks , that makes sense
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Tell, her that you want to do Istekhara before the decision. Also request her if she could do an istekhara for herself.
Das Reich brother, I don’t know if anyone here would agree, but I personally think and have learned from practical experience that the beauty of a person enhances many folds after marriage, if the person is good in character. I myself might not have called my wife the most beautiful person alive (before marriage), but after marriage, YES she is the most beautiful person I have seen. I am not trying to falsely console myself. I swear by Allah (s.w.t) I find her the most attractive girl because of the "barakah"Allah (s.w.t) blessed our relationship with. When I look at her, my heart is so satisfied that I never want to look at any other girl or consider anyone for a potential life partner.
I am not saying that you should go ahead and marry even if you don’t find her attractive, but I am emphasizing that at times we fancy someone to be perfect of any flaws (physically) but when we suddenly see the person, the initial shock we get is because the person does not look the way our mind had imagined (free from any flaws). Please don’t rush up. Give your self sometime. Character is more important than appearance, and as I understand from your first post, you might not be able to find many girls like her whose personality and way of thinking is very much what you want in a wife. Usually it is impossible to find a person who has no physical flaw at all and at the same time has the best character and personality.
We need to remember that the prophet (saw) emphasized the most on “character” while looking for a wife. I have a cousin who rejected so many opportunities because of minor physical appearance defects (which is not in the control of that person, but was made naturally like that) but later regretted his decision when he became a bit old, and there were very few potential rishtas left for him. Then he had to chose among the left overs which had less of those qualities then the ones he rejected earlier in life.
If after all efforts you ever has to tell her that you don’t want to marry her, tell her** " You are mashaAllah a very good person by character, and I feel you deserve a better person than me, which Allah (s.w.t) would have written for you. Even after performing istekhara I am some how not convinced, and there might be something better for both of us in not continuing with this relationship"**
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Just be honest and open to her. Do not drag it on. Tell her something like this . " I am sorry , looks like we were not made for each other. I pray that Allah hook you up with your match."
You can improve on these words in many different ways .
... and there might be something better for both of us in not continuing with this relationship"
^I agree with this... it allows a closer in this "relationship"... for you and the girl...
even though she will be hurt, she will understand that you are not attracted to her.
There is another thread going on - that's discussing how he is being totally avoided... If you are not attracted to her - the above statement will at least give the girl a closure - otherwise she will be very disturbed and continue to look for an answer... so with all respect let her know...
MA STP that is so good to hear. May all men think like you IA.
You know looks aren’t everything in a relationship. My husband isn’t teh greatest looking guy in the world but alhamdullilah is personality is amazing and I took everything else into consideration such as his deen, education, status, etc and then married him. It was not based on his looks but then again physical attractiveness does have a role in marrying someone.
Get it over with already and stop dragging it.
^ attractive or unattractive is not solely about face ...meray bholay bhai
ok so. that clears things up. her out of shape body is what you find unattractive. aren't you the same guy who opened up a thread a little while back saying how you thought it was unfair that your mother and sister and society in general look for skinny and tall girls as the only attractive potential rishtas? and also that you did not agree with this?
and now you yourself are following this same trend?
weird :s
ok so. that clears things up. her out of shape body is what you find unattractive. aren't you the same guy who opened up a thread a little while back saying how you thought it was unfair that your mother and sister and society in general look for skinny and tall girls as the only attractive potential rishtas? and also that you did not agree with this?
and now you yourself are following this same trend?
weird :s
actually i find tall and obese attractive , "out of shape" for me is skinny stick figure supermodel looks .....so no I dont see any contradiction to my previous views
brother submission to peace , jazakallah great post