Dinner 'n a Movie

Lifestyle Relationships
21

hmm I dunno I think girls are more paranoid about this sort of thing.

I guess it's a date if both of you basically discuss it ahead of time and are agreed on pursuing a relationship beyond just good friends!?

Otherwise it's just two friends hanging out if you ask me.

Will people talk? yeah! but so what!? No matter what you do people will always find something to talk about..

As far as paying ..well first time only if its a good friend and not just somebody I know yeah .. I pay.. just out of respect. Just like I always let the girl walk in front of me and usually will hold the door for her and all that good stuff ..if i remember. lol

22

i think all the nakame desi guys got sent to melbourne... i always end up paying (although i havent been out alone with a male friend for years)

and nahin, i dont ever consider it a date unless the guy was interested in moi (and if he was then i wouldnt be out alone with him hehe)

23

I think the issue is how people perceive this idea. I think its a major issue for girls since "people" don't hesitate throwing rumors around if they see a girl with her friend alone, let alone a stranger.

We are so materialistic, atleast some of us. Why can't we just smile at a person and just keep it till friendship.... why is that everytime we see a guy with a girl we (most of desi ppl) assume that she is his girlfriend and stuff...

i have been in BIG trouble due to this twice!! i hate these kind of ppl... they are just pethetic... have nothing better to do..

other than that i would agree with Waqas72

[QUOTE]
I guess it's a date if both of you basically discuss it ahead of time and are agreed on pursuing a relationship beyond just good friends!?
[/QUOTE]

as far as paying for stuff goes, i would offer to pay just to give good gesture of friendship but wouldn't mind if they want to pay.. or better yet i usually have a cricle rotation system where i pay this time u pay next time.. works pretty good.. :)

24

Thanks for the replies…although I knew most of the answers but its nice to hear it from the horse’s mouth.

I think desies are not ready for platonic relationships yet…or maybe there is no such thing. As Irem pointed out there are a lot of things to consider and mainly the comfort level of females and reputation at stake are primary reasons.

However, it is quite annoying to see intelligent girls setting up rules for themselves which are based on mere fear, insecurity and uncertainty. You have pretty much answered your own question about how guys feel when their intentions are doubted…How would you feel if yours are? Some guys start ignoring girls altogether and some rebel…put on a boyfriend image and make your fears a reality. Men don’t lie..you just force ‘em to… apparently girls want to believe in sweet lies more than blunt truths.

As for the guys paying…nobody in today’s day ‘n age wants to put a hand in their pocket to prove a point. It’s a nice gesture just like nice words and a smile but we ‘value’/view money as more than anything else hence the interpretations could be gazillions. People who see it as a favor rather than a gesture should return the favors at appropriate times...It doesn't sound like an 'issue' then.

25

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fayz: *
I think desies are not ready for platonic relationships yet…or maybe there is no such thing.

[/QUOTE]

Honestly, I don't think a completely platonic relationship is possible between two desis of opposite gender who come from a moderate/conservative background if they get too personal and social with each other at a one on one level. Unless they make a very conscious effort to keep their thoughts in check or if they are already committed to someone else. but still one of them might unwantingly slip or get the wrong impression from / give the wrong impression to the other person etc etc. so I reckon its a very high risk zone and should be steered clear of :p

That's just my personal opinion though, and others might think differently, but I think just the way desis are raised in Pakistan, its not possible. might be possible for people who went to co-ed schools or belong to liberal families or went to co-ed colleges in Pakistan...i dint so thats why the above was my own personal opinion :)

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fayz: *
You have pretty much answered your own question about how guys feel when their intentions are doubted…How would you feel if yours are? Some guys start ignoring girls altogether and some rebel…put on a boyfriend image and make your fears a reality.

[/QUOTE]

:D Hmmm, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. My whole point was that its NOT that the girls are doubting the guy's intentions. That's not the reason they refuse becoming more social. Its about personal comfort levels and reputation.

26

sunshine you can take me to watch a movie and have dinner at McDonalds and i wont call it a date :blush:

27

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *

*i have a question for guys though: *

suppose you're working with a female on a project etc and you guys have a decent talking relationship, and you ask her for coffee or something later and she refuses with an excuse, would you think the girl is really stuck up and rude and is doubting your intentions? i mean would you get offended or would you understand that its just something that maybe she isnt comfy with and its nothing personal against u and she's not doubting ur intention. do you guys get annoyed if the girl is being too conservative or sticks too much to her own values or limits and doesnt care abt ur feelings esp coz all u want is just a normal friendship with the gal coz u know each other at some level of informality coz u've been working together?
[/QUOTE]

I would respect her very much, my admiration for her would grow, and if I liked the girl to begin with, I would like her even more...Nothing more respectable in a girl than a girl who sticks to her principles, modesty and teachings...

28

at the cost of hurting the other person’s feelings though sometimes? :konfused:

honestly, this has always been a very tough dilemma for me and i think most of my friends too…we always discuss this issue…

and also modesty is in the heart and each situation or each individual u r dealing with might be different and u might act differently…so maybe a person should not be very very rigid about things? though there should be some limits…ur intention might be totally clean and u might want to only do the right thing, but sometimes deciding what is right and defining limits may not be an easy job :smiley:

29

[QUOTE]

Otherwise it's just two friends hanging out if you ask me.

Will people talk? yeah! but so what!? No matter what you do people will always find something to talk about..

[/QUOTE]

It always upsets me that Muslim guys in the West can be so inconsiderate about Muslim girls that they don't even care about how others will judge and treat these girls and the fact that most of these girls later have a problem getting rishtays just coz of such behaviour...such actions that are highly unacceptable due to religious and cultural reasons and put doubts in the minds of people who belong to our society...And then 'most' of these guys don't even want to accept these same women for marriage just because their ammi abbu don't approve of them for these same actions and many times, these guys themselves don't feel secure marrying such women. What I don't understand is what these women think they're getting out of doing such actions that go against our religion and culture? They're only harming themselves and no one else. I mean, how many guys have a trouble finding a girl for themselves for marriage? Isn't it a fact that guys have a lot of options?? But what about these women? What choices do they have, and how much are they benifitting themselves from such acts?

In our society, (unless there's an emergency) it is considered wrong to go out alone at night with a person of the opposite sex even if your intentions are good..EVEN IF YOUR INTENTIONS ARE GOOD...It's still not a right thing to do because our religion and culture have defined some limits on how much you can interact with the opposite sex and you can't really cross those if you don't want to be judged! If you say that desis are judgmental you're right and they should be because desis like to protect their youngsters and unlike other cultures, in desi culture dating is considered wrong and therefore, most people react very critically when they spot teenagers at a restaurant or a movie theatre or when they are seen doing things that could possibly mean 'dating'. IMO, it's easy for a guy to get away with such things but it's woman who gets a bad name and bad reputation in our society!

30

gosh, dont make a it a big issue out of such lil things. if u are good friends and ur parents approve of it. there is no harm in going to dinner or movies with him. people will talk even if u r not with a guy.

31

Thats why muslim guys go after non-muslim girls before shaadi..and you say they dont care :snooty:

32

I agree with corrupt angel, it just causes more problems and whatever way u look at it , it is not allowed islamically.

If you really wanna go for a dinner and movie, u be better of sticking to other girls or if u must go with a guy, at least in a group.

33

Will u call it a date if I offer?

No McD though, it’s chunnai and / or chaat if anything.

34

that’s exactly happened to me - i was with this colleague of mine working on a project - politely i asked her out for a coffee - she refused it because she was seeing someone else - that was a :bummer:

35

Re: Dinner 'n a Movie

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fayz: *
…is that a date?
Not that decent girls on gupshup go out on movies with na-mahrems but I just thought I should ask why are ppl (esp girls) so adamant about calling it a date. Whats a harmless movie between friends..absolutely nothing :-D ..why make it so complicated?
[/QUOTE]

typically dinner and movie is a date - actually it's must - you can't take your date to Hardes and McDonalds - and expect relationship to grow - guys have to show passion and love for the girls they wanna be with.

as a friend i have gone to birthday parties, weddings etc

36

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
..people will talk even if u r not with a guy.
[/QUOTE]

agree.. even if u go out with a bunch of girls, people talk

i go out with a bunch of pakistan females and males (people ive grown up with) and if people wanna talk then talk, as long as our parents know nothing is going on.. who cares

37

**CurruptAngel

It always upsets me that Muslim guys in the West can be so inconsiderate about Muslim girls **

well THIS muslim guy is fully aware of all this and is anything but inconsiderate

that they don't even care about how others will judge and treat these girls and the fact that most of these girls later have a problem getting rishtays just coz of such behaviour...

ok but you know unless you wanna sit at home in a burkha all day ..,. its gonna be kinda hard to totally avoid any social contact with the other half of the people in the world

such actions that are highly unacceptable due to religious and cultural reasons and put doubts in the minds of people who belong to our society...

from what i've seen 'our society' has a talent for corrupting and perverting even the most innocent situations..those doubts come from the fact they have nothing better to do with their free time ..which apparently most have alot of.

And then 'most' of these guys don't even want to accept these same women for marriage just because their ammi abbu don't approve of them for these same actions and many times, these guys themselves don't feel secure marrying such women.

well 'most of these guys' are not worth it if they reject you for being social...what if you are a girl and want to work too!? you think they will be ok with it with this kinda thinking? chances are they will wanna control every part of your life.. as you said because they don't feel secure

** If you say that desis are judgmental you're right and they should be because desis like to protect their youngsters and unlike other cultures,**

no desis like to control their youngesters and every aspect of their life even when they are adults and married... and they dont stop there they wanna control everybody else too

The are also the first to criticise and the last to offer any type of help unless they can find some way to exploit you in the process.

**irem

i have a question for guys though:

suppose you're working with a female on a project etc and you guys have a decent talking relationship, and you ask her for coffee or something later and she refuses with an excuse, would you think the girl is really stuck up and rude and is doubting your intentions? i mean would you get offended or would you understand that its just something that maybe she isnt comfy with and its nothing personal against u and she's not doubting ur intention. do you guys get annoyed if the girl is being too conservative or sticks too much to her own values or limits and doesnt care abt ur feelings esp coz all u want is just a normal friendship with the gal coz u know each other at some level of informality coz u've been working together?**

if the girl never bothers to explain this to me yeah I would find it very rude.

Over all if I find the girl has regular 'acts of wierdness' I would probabily find myself eventually not really caring about our friendship anymore... what kinda friendship of any kind can you really have with someone you cannot talk to or hangout with ?

38

^ waqas not all desi parents are like that... where ive grown up, most parents have let us habe the freedom to do what we want.. ofcourse they have taught us right from wrong.. (although some may argue that this freedom is not right)

i do think that desi parents do teach us well, maybe not all.. but i applaud most parents

39

I don;t know anything any more. Im more confused than an ABCD.

40

^ aww i hope i didnt confuse u