Dilemma!!!

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Dilemma!!!

I couldn't care less about your cake dilemma but I am really bothered by your relationship with your sister and your husband's comment about her.

Like, lady, you have bigger issues to worry about than a kid's birthday party.

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lol

oh ye I was thinking about that too... I mean their relationship is a little strained because she could have directly said that to her sister... but, ah it's okay, brothers and sisters do not always have to get along like peanut butter n jelly :p

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Re: Dilemma!!!

LOL. I guess so. :hinna:

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so true straight-up.... but i'd rather not discuss it, it's too complicated

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So what happened? Did your son get his own cake?

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right on!

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Re: Dilemma!!!

it was a disaster....she did a tamasha in front of all the guests, insisting her son get the same treatment as mine.....my mum tried to calm her down...but no... once she gets an idea in her head there's no going back
she ruined the party, as usual i gave in and sat her kid on the throne next to mine and had everyone sing them both happy birthday.
as Sara says my son will know no better and it wont make a difference to him, but its the concept..... some people are so selfish and think about none other than themselves.....i feel so depressed...i'm so not looking forward to seeing all the guests next week and having to explain what happened.

As far as my relationship with my sister goes... i'm not giving in to her again, she treats all us brothers and sisters like crap and gets away with it....i am going to take a stand and not let her take me for granted...if that makes me a ***** let it be, lets see how she likes the role reversal

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As a mom.....you naturally have a desire to make your child feel like a special individual on his b-day. For the most part, my b-day was celebrated by my family with me being the sole star of the day. But at times....in Pakistan....or when the extended family (aunts and cousins) were around......my b-day was celebrated with other cousins. Because there are so many August b-days in my family.....we occasionally had a collective celebration with one cake.

And you know what? It was no big deal. As a kid, it was fun to have so many people to celebrate. And for a kid.....the GIFTS are more important than the cake, in my opinion. Sometimes kids can handle situations a lot better than we mentally give them credit for. Seriously, adults can get too protective at times and think that shielding is always necessary. But kids need to be exposed to various situations so that they lean a little independence. After all, life is unpredictable, and things can go less than perfect even on one's own birthday. And kids need to learn that.

If you think about it...it would have looked a bit awkward to the guests to see both birthday boys in two different conditions. One boy sitting on a throne. And the other boy standing with the guests. One boy with all this fan-fare. The other birthday boy just looks on as his friends stare at all the fan-fare his cousin is getting. Whatever issues you might have had with your sister......her son is innocent. Her son is your nephew. And ideally should be thought of as your own son.

Please don't get upset. I'm not trying to make you seem bad. Your sister made a mistake. She wasn't thinking straight. But her son had no involvement in this. And equal treatment could have been done for both children....**for the sake of the children. **If one knows that their own sister is like a drama-queen and has no problems creating a scene in front of the guests.....then one should be on the safe side and pretend to do equal treatment for both boys.

If your sister has a track record for being a selfish party-pooper, then in the future don't inform her of your party plans. Let her do things on her own. After this, I doubt she'll ever poop your party again. I'm sure she has learned her lesson as well.....that sometimes she can't uninvitedly show up and especially without contributing her share.

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wow, how old is your sister?
she needs to grow up, like seriously. Who go out n create a scene that too in a gathering just over a cake :S
beats me.

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Re: Dilemma!!!

i agree with everything you say RV...i dont know why i have let these trivial things get to me.....it must be a sign that i'm getting old and irritable...lol

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No, honey. It doesn't have anything to do with age. Sometimes we don't feel like looking inside ourselves and facing the REAL reason why we did something.

You know what I think? I think that DEEP DOWN....this is really an issue about your sister than it is about her son. You seem like a nice and patient person who has ALWAYS tolerated her thoughtless sister. You seem like the kind of aunt who would treat her nephew like her own son. You seem like the kind of aunt who would never purposely hurt her nephew with unequal treatment in front of guests.
It's not in your usual nature to be tactless. BUT.....I think that SUBCONSCIOUSLY you decided to go ahead with the difference of treatment......because YOU GOT SO TIRED of all that your sister has done over the years.

^But sometimes it's better to pretend to do what's right in front of the guests....and then chew out your sister after the guests have left. That would have prevented her from humiliating u in front of guests. She could have succeeded in having the guests think that you're the bully and she's the victim. And the guests don't know about your sister's selfish track record. See, what I mean, hon? Do what's right in front of guests.......don't give guests the chance to talk bad about your family behind your back. Once they've left.....by all means.......chew your sister out.

This is not about the kids.......all of this happened because of your relationship with your sis. Both kids should have a happy memory to look back on. No kid should be thinking, "Oh my aunt doesn't like me." or "My aunt created a scene on my b-day." In the long run, it would have been best to treat both children the same and put on a smiley face. And then after the kids are asleep.......you and your other siblings should get together and give your sister a piece of their mind. A collective effort might help her see that it's not only person that has a problem with her imposing behavior.

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Re: Dilemma!!!

luckily RV our kids don't know anything that happened today as they were too busy having fun, and IA will never know...my kids are lost if they don't see their cousins for a few days
i just pray for aman amaan in the future...IA we will sort it out and be hunky dory again...

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Re: Dilemma!!!

^ inshaAllah. Talk this out with your sis. And consider getting the help of your other siblings so that your sister understands that it's not only u that has a problem with her....and that her behavior is becoming an issue. Whatever discussion you have.......do it GENTLY and CALMLY but firmly. Offer options on how to handle things to your sis. Express why you're concerned....and during a problem discussion always start with positive first. For every negative point, have two positive points, they say. So....praise your sister for the good qualities that she has....and then proceed to explain the problem areas. Make the positive points more than the negative points ;) Best wishes.

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Re: Dilemma!!!

^ well said!!!