So no matter how perfect soulmates our SO/spouse or any other relation such as siblings etc could be for us, difference of opinion on various aspects often arises.
In my case, I have often felt that my other half and I do have differences of opinion on occasional trivial issues. Like yesterday we were talking about little kids having a facebook account of their own or the idea of sharing pictures online. I believe limited sharing pictures on facebook is fun with family etc. He on the other hand says there is no point of sharing ones pictures online even with friends and family due to privacy loopholes and a lot of other reasons.
Obviously this is very very unimportant and it is something that hardly makes a difference. But I was wondering that somewhere in life when it comes to bigger things and the difference on that is poles apart, how can a couple reach the middle ground amicably.
SO…
How do you people balance on the differences and come to amicable conclusions on decisions regarding:
raising kids
meeting different people/relatives
working/career etc
Are you the one who *always *stays quiet/bends or the one who *always *gets to have their way around ? Does love play a part in the compromises or have you ever come across a situation when you agreed to something your SO said but later regretted it?
Fiance & I disagree on many things....but one of us always compromises and we come up with a solution. As for the "major" things you listed....we have already discussed this and here is our agreement:
1) Raising kids: My fiance's #1 concern w/ kids is education. Other than that, I will have " final say" in raising them on a daily basis since once we have kids, I'll be a stay-at-home mom.
2) Meeting relatives/friends: Neither one of us prevents the other from visiting relatives/families. BUT both of us also understand that there should not be an expectation that we will accompany the other every single time the family is being visited (ie. I won't go with him to visit his family every single time he goes and vice versa). As for friends....I don't have problems with any of his friends and he doesn't have any with mine. BUT....if that happens, that "friend" is no longer a friend. Earlier this year he ended one of his friendships b/c I had a major issue with his friend. Same w/ "new people"....we don't start "new friendships" unless BOTH of us are "ok" with the people.
3) Working/career: Currently both of us work. But since he makes 4x more than I do...lol....and we're in agreement that I will stay-home after kids......his career takes priority over mine.
I believe BOTH parties need to compromise. Both people can't have "equal" say in everything...especially when they don't agree! I think each party needs to decide what their true priorities are and what they're willing to give up. Its all about picking & choosing your battles. :) We often joke about how we have our own "departments"....and while the other person is more than welcome to give their thoughts/opinions that are taken into consideration....at the end, each person has the final say regarding their "department". :)
^ Am glad that your fiance and you have already decided on the BIG things of life. But mostly these things for other couples come to light later on in life as they experience new circumstances.
I agree that both can't have an equal say and both have to compromise but I think there is always one person who generally has more convincing power and ends up getting their way more often.
^ Am glad that your fiance and you have already decided on the BIG things of life. But mostly these things for other couples come to light later on in life as they experience new circumstances.
I agree that both can't have an equal say and both have to compromise but I think there is always one person who generally has more convincing power and ends up getting their way more often.
Agreed.
In my humble opinion, too many people (either before or during the engagement) focus on the wedding and not the marriage. As a result, there are many "surprises" after marriage.
I also agree that generally, one person is compromises more than the other...but I'm not sure if this is b/c the other person is "convincing". At least in my relationship, I compromise a lot more than him....but that's b/c I'm more laid back about most things. However, when I actually do care about something.....he knows he has 0 chance at "winning". :)
Like yesterday we were talking about little kids having a facebook account of their own or the idea of sharing pictures online. I believe limited sharing pictures on facebook is fun with family etc. He on the other hand says there is no point of sharing ones pictures online even with friends and family due to privacy loopholes and a lot of other reasons.
even if I upload pictures which only very few friends or family can see?
it is kind of buggy site. if your close friend comment on your picture that will going to appear on general page (after login fb page) of friends of friends.
there are many examples, somehow fb is not still reliable in sharing pics.
^that's what my concern is. There are times when one of the party is wrong yet they are very staunch over it. How can one resolve the matter in a good way and not hinder the relationship one already holds.
Esp when it comes to the disciplining of kids or their education etc.
^that's what my concern is. There are times when one of the party is wrong yet they are very staunch over it. How can one resolve the matter in a good way and not hinder the relationship one already holds.
Esp when it comes to the disciplining of kids or their education etc.
First rule of marriage relation is never to let differences of opinions hinder this relation.
There are times when one of the party is wrong yet they are very staunch over it. How can one resolve the matter in a good way and not hinder the relationship one already holds.
Esp when it comes to the disciplining of kids or their education etc.
That's the thing.....there really is no "right" or "wrong" when it comes to raising kids.
Example: Growing up "back home", I got beat when I did something wrong. Even at school, I grew up w/ corporal punishment (we got hit on our palms w/ wooden ruler at school if homework wasn't done). My siblings were born/raised in the U.S. and as a result, had a totally different upbringing. I don't think the way I was raised/disciplined was "right" or vice versa.
Same w/ your FB example. I know parents (co-workers mostly) who allow their middle school kids to have FB pages as long as they get to supervise it. I also know parents who forbid their kids from having FB pages. Each COUPLE raises the kids in a way that is compatible with their values and beliefs. If you and your spouse disagree on certain things...its best to stay calm, and each person states WHY you feel the way you do. There has to be a logic behind the actions. Once both sides state their "logic", then either both party comes to a compromise.....or one party decides that they will give up this particular thing b/c its not that important to them (but get their "way" on something else).
I think the key is to realize and accept that just b/c your spouse has a different view...that doesn't make them "wrong". During a discussion, if one of the spouses feels that they're being thought of as "wrong"....it makes them defensive, and in my humble opinion....that's when it effects the marriage negatively.
