I think babies are so cute, so fun, you can cuddle your babies as much as you want, and all that jazz but then I login the parenting forum and it scares the heck out of me.. I work full time, I intend to continue working inshaAllah but it looks like babies not only need a lot of attention but also the chores double.. for instance laundry thread by sgc.. with my husband and myself, we do laundry like every 2-3 weeks and then take about a week to put it away..like really.. am I just worrying too much about everything? At times like this, I don’t feel prepared at all and in fact want to delay having a baby but then they are sooo cute.. I would love to have one.. I just dunno if I am ready for that responsibility.. in fact my biggest fear is I will be a bad mother just because I know nothing about parenting.
how did you feel when you decided it’s about time to bring a baby in this world? it’s like you woke up one day and said.. ok I want a baby? or planned things accordingly?
Yes, I waited until I felt ready...until I was ready to give up a lot of time and energy for another human being. I think I was too self-centered before that, and committed to my career. I just didn't want to feel resentful.
In terms of the chores stuff, you sound EXACTLY like me!! We would not do stuff often, and would take forever to sort and clean up. But it will change when you need it to. Hubby and I had a very relaxed lifestyle, and it's still relaxed, but there are certain things that have to get done, and so they do. It doesn't seem overwhelming (USUALLY).
Anyway, I was around kids a lot, but being a parent is different. It wasn't until we were married for about 3 years that I felt ready.
yes, definitely we waited until we were ready. there is a world of difference in the way we are now and the way we were as newlyweds. we also waited about 3 years before we felt ready enough to start trying. its a huge, huge commitement and a very big lifestyle change, and when you're ready, you'll just know that you're ready. it sounds like hocus pocus but you really do come to the conclusion somehow that you can do this and you want to do this.
granted, there is no "perfect time" to have a baby- the laundry will still need to get done whether its now or 5 years from now haha- but you likely won't be looking at it as something to be intimidated by as much.
also, i strongly believe there can be better times to have babies- it was important for us to save up a bit of money and be more financially ready, for example, besides the whole "feeling ready" bit. what also really nudged us along was our really close friends having a baby and us realizing that it wasn't an impossible thing to imagine someone with our habits , lifestyle and in our age group, to raise a child. its a challenge for sure, but seeing that baby born and growing up in front of us and as part of our lives was a huge eye opener for both hubby and i.
We started thinking of having a baby after I was out of school AND couldn't find a professional job but we actually made the decision when we saved some money and bought home. We just knew it was the perfect time!
We waited about 2 years into our marriage before we started trying. We waited until we both felt ready, felt we were somewhat financially secure, and felt that our relationship was at a point where we would be ready to take on the responsibility of a child.
As for the housework stuff - we were like that (sort of still are)....I'm about 8 weeks from giving birth and I've noticed a change in my habits. I use the let the laundry sit around for a week and most of the time we'd just end up picking the clean clothes out of the hamper - they never really made it to the closet.
Lately though I can't seem to let things sit - I know this will change after the baby is born but I must be going through some nesting stage earlier then usual cause all I can do now is organize/purge/clean every drawer, closet, storage space in the house.
wowww interesting.... we have been married for six years and doing okay financially Alhamdulillah.. no major issues.. it's just that both of us are kind of scared to adopt a new life routine.. we love to travel.. plan things on teh spur of moment.. and always busy with something or another..Most of the time we do feel ready but I have to admit that I do get intimidated and thought of being responsible for another human being is overwhelming too.. not to mention we are both the babies of the family so probably we are just not used to it!!
Thanks for the input girls.. I guess just because we haven't been able to conceive lately, I blame myself and my fears that probably Allah Taala doesn't think that I have the right to feel ready.. probably it's just my own battle! I just need to re evaluate my priorties! :-(
We also tried for couple of months and decided to see a specialist(lied to her that we tried for a whole year!) and first round of Clomid did it for us!
I think when you have a baby you should ask for your mother/MIL's help to adjust to the new life. Slowly you'll adjust to your new life. Because you work full time and will continue to, someone's help should really be good for you.
We'll be married for two years in Feb and we have a baby coming in March. I was scared too to commit to this new life. We decided to have a baby before my husband finished his residency. So far it all worked out for us.
Gtg, we had just started trying and bam we were expecting. Neither of us thought it would happen this quick and like u and Ur hubby we were both working. I had a pretty carefree lifestyle. We would sleep in really late on weekends and watch movies late into the night plus going to the theatre, we wanted to save up more but Allah had other plans, and somehow it all works out. We sometimes miss our old lifestyle, doing things spur of the moment but then Jr. keeps us busy, happy, entertained and frustrated that we don't really miss our couple time.
