i dont know whats wrong with my inlwas they are now dictators. my saas and other realitives aunties ..they are keep telling me what should i do like..i should learn cooking,stitching…i shouldnt waste money of my hubby..to win inlaws heart i should b a yes bahu..clean home etc
even my hubby is also sometimes saying me all this which just made me mad…
i hate to being dictated..i know already very well what i should learn and do..but if some one says me do thhis and that…learn this learn that..did this thing this way that way that just boiled my blood..i m not a kid why taught me…or rather dictate me.???
i wana tell them my this feeling that they better not tell me .. but i cant bluntly say this to them..donnt wana b rude or want that they mind my words .
You don't need to break how you feel from the inside to your inlaws, only do that to your hubby!
Why don't you just be like, "don't worry I have it under control, so why don't you teach me how to cook ______ today!" This was they feel like you are doing your best to be a good DIL, but at the same time, you won't need them to keep on bossing you around. Not only that, if you ask, your Saas will feel needed, and special.
Hun this is your time to make a place in their heart, not only that but make a place in the family. Believe me i'm all up for a baho to be Saas free, and independent and all, but at the same time you have to please your family too. Do things before they even can think of saying something to you. You don't need to slave around or anything, but do things which will touch each and every persons heart in your inlaws, small things. These little things matter for later. Work hard to set your place in the family now, so you won't have to hear it later. All saas are crazzy from time to time, but its your job to be even better then her own daughters. And at the stupid things they say like, wasting your hubby's money, just ignore and say jee! Who cares, all you need to do is make a good impression, and move on!
Now as for your hubby, tell him to shut it! You are not a child, and he should do his job and let you do yours! Do you ever butt in his work, prolly not, so he needs to keep his comments out, and let you handle your inlaws the way you want too!
tum bolo gi to kisi ka nuksaan nahi hoga sivaye tumhare.. ask them how they have done things.. if its food, ask your MIL how she cooks it.. even if you know how to.. iss tarha she will still feel involved and not left out .. my MIL used to tell me how to cook all the time.. ye aise nahi aise kar lo ye aisa nahi aisa bana lo.. even now she does.. and then one day i made chicken karahi my way during a dawat and within 15 mins of me setting the table and putting the karahi out it was gone and thats when she realized ke ye bahut acha khaana bana leti hai without any instruction or anything.. in her case she had to pretty much teach my devarani how to do things.. so she thought that with me she might need to do the same but i knew before hand but jst so that she felt respected I asked her how to do things etc.
har banda different hota hai.. if your living together and will be for a little while dont say ANYTHING.. if theres something you know you can do and she still gives you direction on how to do it.. jst listen.. dont say ANYTHING.. literally.. i knw u might feel bad and everything but this is for ur bhalaai!
trust me itll save you from all the 'saas-attacks' later on in life :)
Your husband might not say anything in your favor abhi because this really is something tht you need to take care of typical BAHU style!
abhi thori si tangi bardaasht karlo.. aage ka har phase easy hota jayega.. iA!
i mean they are dictating me even before marrige..iyeh karo ais a karo yeh karna chaiey .. m not moved to them yet...wedding in couple of months...i m nikahofied...
umm ok? thats a little weird.. and what are they saying exactly??? are u going to be living with them after the shadi or are u gna be living separately because honestly agar abhi ye haal hai to baad mein kya hoga.. plus maybe this is a sign from Allah .. and maybe you shud tell your parents that this is whats going on.. because this is not right..
This is the million dollar question that no one ever answers.
It's one thing if things are all peachy before marriage and THEN they change....but if before "ruksathi" all this stuff is going on, what causes people to stick it out...esp if they are only engaged?
Do you know how to cook? Do you know how to do the things they ask you of? If you dont, try to learn a little bit of it on your own and then surprise them later.
These people obviously dont know you well so they're taking liberties and saying things you dont like. After marriage, you can show them you already know how to cook and do basic things and dont need to be taught. Then, they will automatically stop or tone it down.
This is the million dollar question that no one ever answers.
It's one thing if things are all peachy before marriage and THEN they change....but if before "ruksathi" all this stuff is going on, what causes people to stick it out...esp if they are only engaged?
Mazey bhi lootney hain aur shaadi bhi karni hai. Decide one thing yeah?
hmm not unless someone close to u is kind enuf to donate it that way its not costing u or the hubby :@:
the MIL shud buy it just for givin their DIL's hell and if they dnt give em hell, just for being a scary MIL, thats a big enuf reason in itself to demand cake =D
i mean they are dictating me even beforemarrige..iyeh karo ais a karo yeh karna chaiey .. m not moved to them yet...wedding in couple of months...i m nikahofied...
coz they hav already accepted u as a part of family n hav started treating u like one...u know desi apna-pan n pyar bhari naseehatain jo kabhi khatam nahin hotin even when u become 80 n hav grandkids they keep telling u "aisa kero aur aisa na kero"
so forget i'm big n need no one's advice. act like a baby n keep calling ur mil on petty things"ammi ab kia keron aap he kuch batain" then even though u never really act on her advice always( sometimes do act on them infront of her) only the thought"meri bahu mujh se pochay baghair sans tak nahi laiti" will make her happy. so keep giving her that dose of flattery n Inshallah u'll b happy too.
..otherwise they might hold grudge with u forever or very long time..
nd it will achieve nothing..
..just ignore stuff they say which u dont like
..just pretend that u r happy they r giving u this advice even if u r not from i nside
say if t was ur parent sor ur family who was dictating u would u mind it so much?
no right?..so now tHiS iS ur family..just let stuff go..
dont mind petty stuff..let stuff roll of ur back stomeitmes..dunt take it too seriouly..change ur mindset..myabe theyr saying this cause they think of u as one of them..thoh yeh tho achi baat heh na?..
..dunt talk to ppl u know/ real life bout ur problems..they will only get u more mad..aur yeh aam baat heh ghar ghar mein..think PosItiVely for them and u will FeEl good bout them aLL tImE..
.tumahri khushi issi mein heh ke tum psotive soch rakoh aur apna ghar banai rakho..postiive thinking can tranform the owrst of situations into good or at least bearble ones..nd ur minding ver very aam mamooli things..abhi to tumne deki hi neh kohnse kohnse problms larkiyes guzarthi heh thru marriage..what different azmaishes ALLAH puts them thru..
us hould be thanksful ke u dunt have any major problems..seriously what u r complaining abiout is like nothing..
This is one question I ask myself very often ! If you can see some problems already think alot before getting married , we tend to think that things will get better but they don't. I don't wanna scare you but this is what I have learned from mylife.
i understand what you mean....well next time when your saas say learn this and that than tell her yeh to har larki ko sikhna parta hai, app fikar mat karai, main pori koshish karo ghi app ko shikayat ka mukha na do
i understand that the thing you dont like is that they keep on telling you...maybe they are expecting alot from you...well your saas should have said chalo agar tumhe nahi bhi ata to jab shadi kar ke aa jao ghi, main sikha dong gi....but it seems she is putting pressure on you...