how does one learn how to do that? i get close to people and when i develop a deep connection to them i get so afraid i’ll lose them and i did lose a friend that i developed such a strong, almost soulmate(in friendship) bond with, this particular person had to move back to the home country b/c of some issues(private ones).
i’ll say that this person was almost like a guardian angel of sorts when i really needed somebody by my side during a very difficult, scary time we were there for each other, learned so much from one another and now there’s a void where this person existed.
we’re both better people b/c of the influence we had on each other, or atleast speaking only for myself, i am so much more confident and strong now more than i was before.
i’m just trying to learn it so that i can master this art for the tough times to come, has anything ever worked for anybody else, it’s hard to be totally apathetic to another person for me
I think it is good to have your guard up in any relationship initially. Thisself-defense mechanism will prvent you from getting hurt unnecessarily. As you get to know a person better and the level of mutual trust builds, the guard slowly comes down.
With people that do not come into your "trust zone", it would become easier to remain detached. Apathetic is detachment with a negative connotation. I prefer use and practice of detachment.
I think it is good to have your guard up in any relationship initially. Thisself-defense mechanism will prvent you from getting hurt unnecessarily. As you get to know a person better and the level of mutual trust builds, the guard slowly comes down.
With people that do not come into your "trust zone", it would become easier to remain detached. Apathetic is detachment with a negative connotation. I prefer use and practice of detachment.
clarifying, this was not an online person, flesh and blood in the nonvirtual, it was just the strong impact and connection that is hard to get over.
can you explain the thisself-defense(or is it an accidental typo, i tried looking it up on google, or was it supposed to be self-defense?). how do you(southie) personally use it, like what do you say to yourself?
plus can i say that right now, with the winter, plus this time it happened where i'm unusually emotional for some reason and my whole family being 5 states away, i'm feeling extra alone.
this is a self improvement technique(along with others i'm trying) that i desperately need to teach myself-positive detachment is crucial for me
clarifying, this was not an online person, flesh and blood in the nonvirtual, it was just the strong impact and connection that is hard to get over.
Yes, I understood that this was a real person. It must hurt terribly to lose a soul mate, a confidante, a person you could lean on. There is no way around this pain. You just have to go through it. Pain is OK - when we feel pain, we are human.
can you explain the thisself-defense(or is it an accidental typo, i tried looking it up on google, or was it supposed to be self-defense?). how do you(southie) personally use it, like what do you say to yourself? Sorry - I meant this self-defense. I was not very good at being detached. I am getting better. This has helped me have better relationships with siblings and their spouses - no unnecessary arguments - recognition they are adults with their own families, and it is not all about me.
plus can i say that right now, with the winter, plus this time it happened where i'm unusually emotional for some reason and my whole family being 5 states away, i'm feeling extra alone. Yes - very understandable. Again, no way around it. These "blues" feeling is what growing up is all about. It will make you stronger.
this is a self improvement technique(along with others i'm trying) that i desperately need to teach myself-positive detachment is crucial for me
Being detached allows you to see things from the other person's perspecctive and not take every slight personally.
I hope this made sense - to me it is a lifelong process.
how does one learn how to do that? i get close to people and when i develop a deep connection to them i get so afraid i'll lose them and i did lose a friend that i developed such a strong, almost soulmate(in friendship) bond with, this particular person had to move back to the home country b/c of some issues(private ones).
i'll say that this person was almost like a guardian angel of sorts when i really needed somebody by my side during a very difficult, scary time we were there for each other, learned so much from one another and now there's a void where this person existed.
we're both better people b/c of the influence we had on each other, or atleast speaking only for myself, i am so much more confident and strong now more than i was before.
i'm just trying to learn it so that i can master this art for the tough times to come, has anything ever worked for anybody else, it's hard to be totally apathetic to another person for me
It's always difficult losing people when we get close to them. Life happens and things change. You shouldn't have an attitude of keeping your distance from people, because sometimes people are just in our lives for a brief period. And if you gain anything positive in that brief period, it makes it all the more worth while.
your words are always so comforting and i do think bhaisaab came into my life with his beautiful smile for a reason, darn did i feel good
i forgot your golden rule from before but it’s easier said than done, i would get emotionally bogged down instead of feeling detachment
and plus the friend said that he will be allowed to come back after a couple months so not feeling so bad anymore, thanks, you guys just giving me suggestions made me feeling better you’re awesome
I think that as a people of faith, we must assume that the relations we forge during a brief appearance on this stage, will last us an eternity.
We dont lose anyone, relationships simply evolve. When you make a firend initially, you have to nurture that relationship like a plant. But once it matures, it exists on its own. So for example, their are people in my life who I know I will always be in a relationship with regardless of the distance. Even a long absence will at some point conclude with a reunion at some point.
Worst pain is when we loss friendshisp of a true friend if he/she died. More worst pain is when we know our firend is alive but we don't communicate with others knowingly or unknowingly by whatever reason. But time is best medicine which heals the pain as time passes. Difference is that when a friend dies, we do remember him/her occasionally but we don't feel that much pain compairing to one who is alive. In more simple words: 'we be in patience on God doings but its hard to be in patience on human doings'
and i do think bhaisaab came into my life with his beautiful smile for a reason, darn did i feel good
you’re awesome