Destroying Memories and Death

[system]

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[X_Communist]

And the realization that you'd destroyed his memories came afterwards altho you'd seen him treasure the album all your life.

Your father treasured the memories, you tried to carry on the values of those memories, but your kids won't be able to, whether you keep the pictures neatly tucked in or all in an envelope. They'll just see to it that the lady in the pictures was their grandmother.

Sorry to hear about your mother though. I hope the hair is safe with him.

[system]

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[SaadiaB]

oh wow, she was very pretty.

[dutch_paki]

MashALlah your mom was pretty

And I m sorry to hear about the album. I am sure it meant alot to him and you aswell.
But what I think really matters is If you keep those who you have lost in your mind.

[Miss_Mohabbat]

Re: Destroying Memories and Death

*Originally posted by Maniac: *
My father used to keep really well organized picture albums, separate ones for each of us. Two most important to him were my dead mother’s and his (college, first job, squash pictures, everything). They were organized chronologically and sometimes had notes on the back of the pictrues. For my mother’s album, he had a blown up picture of her at the front of it and had written an introduction to the album. Reading that paragraph always made me feel sad, a little glimpse into an aspect of my father’s life that he had always and still does keep locked away. We know barely nothing of our mother. He gave everything away of hers except her jewellery and the hair that she lost from chemotherapy. She had long long long hair, he kept it.

A few years ago, I wanted to bring the picture albums to Canada from Pakistan but there was very little space for them in my luggage so I took all the picture out and dispersed them throughout my clothes. In just a few minutes, I had destroyed his memories. He was so angry at me, the pictures are not in order any more, the letter he wrote for my mother is lost.

When someone dies, to me the saddest thing is not their death but that we lose their memories. the woman who gave life to me and my sister, my kids will never know anything about her. Her memory died with the scattered pictures and my father’s silence.

• Sarah

Sorry to hear about your loss

Your very fortunate to have pictures of your mother and to have a father who would keep pictures of his wife.
I don’t think we lose memories of the person but appraitatation of what they went through and how we need them in our lives now.

The only picture i have of my mother is a passport size picture, although i keep this picture in a sacred place i dont think losing it will ever effect my memory of my mother, not a day or even second goes by when i dnt remember my mum, shes the first and last thing i think about everyday

[SaadiaB]

^ oh my missy, thats sad, infact this whole thread is sad.

But I wonder why did your dad destroy all those pictures of your mom, was it out of grief.

[Miss_Mohabbat]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by SaadiaB: *
^ oh my missy, thats sad, infact this whole thread is sad.

But I wonder why did your dad destroy all those pictures of your mom, was it out of grief.
[/QUOTE]

[dutch_paki]

*Originally posted by Miss_Mohabbat: *

No, he actucally destroyed when she was alive, i can’t really comment on thier relationship as husband and wife and what my mum thought of him, but as i child i kinda figured that my dad did not love my mother as most husbands should..dont ask me to give examples as thats too personal.

The ironic thing now is that he has a million and one pictures of his new wife and has no problem displaying them, when the excuse he used for destroying my mothers pictures was that pictures are haram.

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[Rukhsarbibi]

Miss M that is so sad

Sarah - as long as he has the memories. Like Miss M said, even though her mom’s pics are gone, she will always remember her.

[Aalhan]

Sarah, the pictures can neither
replace your mom nor your dad's wife. When the
physical being is no more, they are only ways of
reminding the ones left behind of the days and times
that were. And the person that was. That's why
we hold on to them because they're a way of holding
on to the person in our deepest grief and sense of loss.
May your mother rest in peace. Parents are
irreplaceable but if you live a good, clean life,
with a good heart, her memories,
her dreams and desires live through you and your other
siblings.

[LiL_Mermaid]

Sarah, MM

Once my mother and I were talking about my grandfather who died when I was very young. I still remember him very well and I sense his presence when I sit in his armchair or touch things that belonged to him. My mother observed that his memories will die out with me, coz my sister was not born when he died, and therefore never knew him.

When I was five and my sister was three, my mother taped us singing songs and talking with each other. They were my favourite memories, more precious to me than the pictures. When my sister came here a few weeks ago, she brought the tape for me to listen to. Unfortunately it was ruined in transit. I was so deeply disappointed, coz the pics are mute memories, but the tape had our voices, fresh and clear from the days when we did not know any sorrows.

This thread reminds me of what Wordsworth wrote:

The music in my heart I bore
Long after it was heard no more

[Miss_Mohabbat]

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