Destiny?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

If somebody gets married and the marriage doesn’t work out does that mean it’s their destiny and what if that person wants to get married again would same thing happen to them. I got married some years ago but I got separated with my husband when my baby was 1 year old. I’m 30 and wish to remarry but I’m scared that I will again meet a horrible person and end up getting divorced. It’s normal to blame kismat when things go wrong in your life, but is it possible that one might be destined to ever meet bad people in their life.

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Re: Destiny?

Cmon dont be paranoid. You must get married. Once your baby grows up and has life of his own you'd feel lonely and would long for a companion. Why did you get divorced if you dont mind discussing it.

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Re: Destiny?

**taqdeer hai kia maiN kia jaanuuN
maiN aashiq huN tadbeeroN kaa

haathoN kii chand lakeeroN kaa
sab khel hai taqdeeroN kaa**

does that explain anything?

taqdeer ko tadbeer se nahiiN badlaa jaa saktaa magar du'aaoN se taqdeer badli jaa saktii hai...aisaa ek musalmaan kaa 'aqeedah hotaa hai! :)

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Re: Destiny?

You sound deeply heart broken.I feel sad for you.

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Re: Destiny?

Mut Ker Yaqeen Itna Hatoun Kee Lakeeron Ka,
Taqdeer Unki Bhi Hoti Hai Jinkay Hath Nahi Hotay
just somehting to encourage her!

6

Re: Destiny?

You never know. The guy I found is divorced. His marriage was awful. I'm not holding that against him. He got out of a bad situation and he is perfect for me but maybe not good enough for other girls who don't want a divorced guy. You never know.

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Re: Destiny?

Life is all about chances and second chances. Live a little. Don't let fear overwhelm you.

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Re: Destiny?

Take your time and get to know the person. Don't rush it.

I don't know if marriage is among the things that are predetermined (such as birth, time of death, rizq, etc). And if it is, I don't know if there's any flexibilty in changing it thru dua, etc. It's something I've always wondered about. I have heard that only a small percentage of things in our life are predestined and for the rest there's free will. I've seen marriages take place even when the red flags were blatantly obvious. Was it because they were destined to take place or was it simply stubbornness or turning a blind eye. I guess we'll never know.

It's not necessary that your second husband will be the same. You've grown and matured as a person. Your experience will hopefully make you more careful and thorough during the rishta process. And dua can change destiny. Just take ur time, don't give into pressure, don't rush a rishta because you have ur child's welfare to consider as well, and pay attention to whether actions match up with words.

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Re: Destiny?

Lorraine, you are my density.

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Re: Destiny?

Has anyone watched the movie "sliding doors". I watched it when I was younger, I understood the concept of destiny but the storyline and how they'd made the movie was very good. It was extremely thought provoking and reinforced the concept of fate as told in Islam.

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Re: Destiny?

It was basically about how just a few seconds can change the flow of ur life and ur timeline but ultimately the big things that are destined to happen will still happen either way. (In the movie they tell two stories paralelly, one is if she had caught the train, and one it she had missed it by a millisecond, hence sliding doors). That is, whether u had chosen one option or another at certain times in ur past...there are certain things in ur future that are going to happen either way (in fact at the exact time that they were destined to happen) just that the reasons for them happening or the precursors might change. So u have free will as to how u react to or behave in a situation but the "flow chart" of ur life is pre-set. And ofcourse that's because though Allah has given us free will and it is ultimately our decisions and our consequences, he is still The All Knowing so He knows from the beginning of time how everything would pan out and what we would choose to do in each second of our lives by free will. So yes it's all written because He knows but what we do is what we choose to do.
In the past whenever I've had discussions about fate and destiny with people, and how they think free will doesn't exist or something, I've always asked them to watch the movie. I dunno if its an amazing movie but just the concept of it really gives u some clarity on this topic.

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Re: Destiny?

Sorry iPhone typos!

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Re: Destiny?

with regards to destiny, let me give you an analogy that i find helpful. Picture 5 separate rivers. They all have different routes and flow in different directions. But eventually they meet at the same destination and converge back into one. Which ever river you pick, which ever path you pick in life it will eventually lead you to your destination. Its just that your journey varies. Whatever will happen, is gonna happen. So just go with the flow and let everything unfold and take care of itself

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Re: Destiny?

Its just life . So unpredictable .

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Re: Destiny?

Oh and in relation to doing istikhara for deciding on who to marry, they think if u do it then it can't end in divorce or badly for any other reason. People say k unho nay sahi aalim say dream ka matlab nahi poocha or whatever and this meant this, they shouldn't have gone ahead with it. But maybe they don't read the translation of the istikhara dua. U are actually asking Allah to make easy what is best for u and to take away what is not. So even if u did get married to that person and he/she ended up divorced or leading a really difficult life then that is what was meant to be and for some reason that is what was best for u.
So basically whoever u marry (whether u did istikhara or not) 1st time or 2nd time around, it is ur destiny. You can pray to Allah to give u a better life partner or that u have it easier this time around but who u ultimately marry has already been written for u. Either way I guess we are to believe that this is what would have been best for me (and only Allah knows why).

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Re: Destiny?

So what if you were divorced once? People go through worse and still stay extremely optimistic. Never give up on life...its meant to be lived and enjoyed. Go out there and at least try...you will go through MANY MANY MANY bad apples before finding the good one. And even the good one won't be perfect but somehow his imperfections will work for you.

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Re: Destiny?

First of all thanks to everyone who responded to my question. It means A LOT to me that you people cared enough to write a response!

Sasha, I watched the movie, its a really good movie so thanks for recommending it. I also believe in the thing that everything happens for a reason.

I thank to Allah that I got out of a unhealthy relationship at the right time and with the support of my family I coped well during and after the divorce. I got married 3 years ago in Pakistan. mine was a love-cum-arranged marriage. My ex-husband is also my first cousin. It wasn't the best start of my new life as I didn't get to stay with my husband after shadi for that long and as my in-laws didnt take me to their house my husband had to stay with me at my Aunt's house so I had to came back to the UK. I got pregnant very quickly. My husband got a student visa one year later and rejoined me here and after some time he told me he wouldn't want to settle in the uk and wanted to move back to pakistan and would call me and my daughter later, after 4 months he left me and my daughter and went back to pakistan. He went and didn't call once I tried to call but he acted like he didn't care about us. He barely asked about my daughter and that hurt me even more. It went on about about a year and I gave up and filed for the divorce. It still hurts but I already knew that I didn't want to be with my husband and my marriage wasnt worth saving but just the sake of my child I tried despite having constant emotional abuse and lies from him from the start of the relationship. I dont know if I made the right decision but I'm trying to move on.

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Re: Destiny?

You're doing great and I'd suggest you keep going...time heals all wounds.