Re: despise my live-in BIL’s brother
respectfully I have to disagree with the suggestion that this man’s behaviour should be brought before his brother by his bhabhi…I really don’t see anything good coming of that…not for the man himself and definitely not for the relationship between husband and wife.
my suggestion would be that the conversation remain between the OP and the cousin with the points being made very bluntly and without emotion…
for example:
“We need to talk. You need to understand that you are here not because you are a guest but a member of this family. If you were a guest, you would have been asked to find other arrangements by now but since you are family and we would not think of asking you to leave until such time as you are, at a minimum, able to support yourself then we also need you to behave like family. How is that you ask? Well…for one you need to be a contributing member…and since you cannot do that in a financial way then you need to do it through your actions. That means you can take on certain chores…”
at the end of the day what some have said in this thread is valid…you have no right to criticize his namaz or whether or not he goes for juma…that is between him and his Creator…just as your ibadat is between you and yours’.
I can understand the anger and the frustration that you have towards him but it’s also true that if your own siblings are not contributing towards the care of your parents then to expect that same from the cousin is unreasonable and such expectations will do nothing but upset you further.
you are to be commended for the compassion that you have for your parents, may Allah swt reward you for that. seek solace in the fact that this man, who is older but not wiser than you, will likely suffer more during his life and afterwards for not having the same kindness in his heart for his elders. perhaps Allah will place mercy in your heart for him.